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Rinatta Paries: Mind Reading While Dating

Rinatta Paries,  Relationship Coach

For many people, dating is an exercise in mind reading. Do you know what I mean? When you are starting to date someone, isn't your mind busy analyzing your date's every action? Does he like me? What does she mean by that? Will he call again? Did I say the right thing and will she take it wrong? Will he reject me or judge me? What does he really feel? What does she want?

The funny thing is that most of us don't admit to believing in psychics and mind readers, and yet we try to mind-read ourselves when dating.

Mind reading seldom if ever works. It is simply not possible to accurately interpret another person's actions, thoughts and feelings without input from them. Mind reading can lead you down the wrong road about your new relationship and will definitely drive you crazy.

Are you ready to stop driving yourself crazy by trying to figure out others' thoughts, feelings and emotions? Then it's time to welcome a new life with fewer headaches, more sleep and more pleasant dating through communication.

All you have to do is assume "it's not personal" and communicate.


Assume it's not personal
------------------------

In mind reading, you would assume that another's actions are a direct reflection of what the person thinks and feels about you. The truth is that even when you are in a long-term relationship, very little of your partner's actions have to do with you. This is even more profoundly so in dating situations.

What the other person is doing or saying, or not doing or saying, has very little to do with you and a lot to do with his or her life experience, way of being and current circumstances.

If he or she is rigid or uncomfortable, it may have very little to do with you. It could just as easily be because he or she does not do first conversations well, or is feeling unattractive, overwhelmed, anxious, etc. If he or she ends a first date early, it could be that you were not the right person or it could be that negative emotions just got the best of him or her. Even if ultimately the person you went out with does not choose to date you, that choice is about him or her and is not a comment on your date-worthiness.


Communicate
-----------

In mind reading, you would respond to another according to your interpretation of his or her actions. He or she would in turn respond to you according to his or her interpretation of your actions, and on and on and on.

Without mind reading and hence interpretation, the logical step is to communicate. Ask questions. Share your feelings. Ask for what you want. Expand your communication repertoire. As long as you are gentle and respectful, you can say almost anything to anyone without causing an adverse reaction.

Communicating instead of mind-reading will open the door to new understandings and new connections. You will from time to time meet someone who resists participating in an open and flowing conversation, but this resistance is rooted in what's going on in the other person's life and is not about you.

When you play the mind-reading game you set yourself up for craziness and often for disappointment, resentment, fear and anxiety. Once you stop playing the game, realize what's going on with the other person is not personal, and start communicating, you'll notice a dramatic change in your peace of mind and the quality of your dating experience.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

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(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2004. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!

 

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