Here is a question I am asked quite a bit by many
readers, people at all stages of dating, from those just starting to date to
those who have gotten out of a relationship and are newly dating again.
People ask, "What am I supposed to do when dating? How am I supposed to act?"
The answer is both simple and complicated.
There are trends in dating, as there are trends in fashion, food, shopping,
spending, etc. There are many trends, each with a conflicting message. For
example, on the issue of physical intimacy, some say the trend is that
physical intimacy is expected within three dates. On the other hand, I just
read an article that said celibacy is back on the dating scene.
Trends shouldn't rule or guide your dating experience. There is no particular
way you are supposed to act when dating. If you want positive results from
dating- fun, and the potential for a long-term relationship-you will act in a
way that fits you.
Figure out what suits you when it comes to dating. How you date, as well as
who you date, needs to be an intimate reflection of who you are.
Self-knowledge is a key piece in making dating both fun and a "productive"
experience. To work on gaining more self- knowledge in regard to dating, take
a look at the eclass listings in the resources section below.
There is one important part of dating trends that you do need to be concerned
about: You need to know how your dating partners- and, later, your
relationship partner-look at dating.
If you get together with a person who thinks physical intimacy should happen
at the beginning of the relationship, and you don't, what do you do?
One way to handle this before any problems arise is to have a "getting to know
each other" casual conversation about dating at the beginning. Find out
generally how each of you thinks dating progresses, what happens in the
process, and what the end result should be.
If the two of you generally match up, you are in luck. The going should be
easy. If you don't, you can try negotiating with each other about how your
dating relationship should progress. But more typically, people who don't
match up in their expectations of how dating progresses, simply don't end up
dating.
The bottom line is: dating is a very personal experience. How you date should
not be based on trends, or what anyone else thinks - it should be based on who
you are and what you want to achieve.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
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(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2004. Do you know how to
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relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship
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