Whether you have chosen to be single or are
between relationships, you can build a terrific life as a single person. In
fact, if you are between relationships and want to attract true love, having a
terrific single life is just the thing to do.
Why? Because being happy makes you a love magnet!
Below are six major components for being single and happy, as well as
suggestions on how to add each one to your current life.
What it means: Building a community means having people who are there for you,
people who care about you and your life.
Why it matters: Many singles feel lonely and disconnected, which affects their
quality of life. They act as if the only way to get their emotional needs met
is through a partner. Yet other members of your community can meet many of
your needs. The more your needs get met, the less needy and the more
become. Also, the more your needs get met, the less you need a partner.
What you can do: Build community by volunteering or by joining clubs around
subjects that interest you. Rekindle or strengthen community by reaching out
to people already in your life.
2. A Life Rich in Pleasure
What it means: Think of your life's outlook after indulging in something
nurturing and pleasurable, such as being in nature, exercise, a good meal,
etc. Doesn't life look full of promise? Imagine a life rich in such moments of
pleasure. Such a life would greatly increase your happiness.
Why it matters: Many singles forego pleasure and self-care for their jobs or
career. It is as if they themselves don't matter; only their accomplishments
What you can do: Add three luxurious, pleasurable things to your day. These
don't have to be huge -- perhaps a 10-minute stroll, a few minutes reading a
book, a cat nap, a body-care product that smells or feels good, a sit-down
meal. Figure out what these three things are by remembering the last few times
you felt truly luxuriated.
3. A Life Lived Now
What it means: Many singles wait until they are in a relationship to live the
kind of life they want and to do the things they love to do. Yet your life
happens now -- today. It is not a dress rehearsal for when you have a
Why it matters: When you want to participate in life, but stop yourself
because you are single, you stifle your spirit. On the other hand, living the
life you want now enlivens and energizes you. It gives you a sense of
well-being and happiness. And living your life now also makes you very
What you can do: Figure out what things you have not done because you have
been waiting for a partner. Which three sound the most fun and give you the
most charge when you think about them? Those are the three to do now.
4. Relationship Skill Building
What it means: There is a real set of skills few of us know exists -- and even
fewer actually have -- that guarantee you will attract a good, compatible
partner and build a great, healthy relationship. The fact that you have not
had a successful lifelong relationship so far does not mean that there is
something wrong with you or that you are meant to be alone. It is truly a
matter of learning new skills.
Why it matters: Many singles worry that they will continue to have unhappy,
unsuccessful relationships. Many believe there is nothing short of settling
that can be done about being single. Many fear they are meant to be alone.
What you can do: Put yourself in relationship school. Read books about
relationship skills, go to workshops and seminars, hire a relationship coach.
Keep learning and becoming confident in your skills. Don't give up!
5. Putting the Past in the Past
What it means: Most people know that they need to let go of the past, yet most
believe that they cannot. However, there is a real set of skills that
guarantee you will let go of all past hurts and resentments.
Why it matters: Many singles hold on to the past as a way of preventing the
same thing from happening in the future. Others hold on because they don't
know how to let go. Either way, the past drains your vital life energy. There
is no surer way to spoil an otherwise great life than with resentments and
anger about days gone by.
What you can do: Learn how to let go. Put yourself in completion school. Read
books, go to workshops and seminars, hire a therapist or a coach. Keep
learning new ways to let go of the past, then apply them to gaining more and