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Rinatta Paries: What To Do When Your Partner Runs

Rinatta Paries,  Relationship Coach

Have you ever been with a partner who ran away from you, permanently or temporarily?

Running from intimacy and from the other person is very common and happens in most relationships at various maturation points. This article will be of great use to you no matter what kind of a relationship you are in.

Let's first look at examples of "running". Running can be literally going away and not coming back, breaking of communication. But it can also be refusing to communicate or refusing to interact. It can look like refusing intimacy, emotional or physical. Or it can be a subtle gradual puling away that can only be recognized in retrospect.

No matter what flavor of running you and your partner(s) suffer from, one thing is for sure. People running away from each other and from intimacy is a common occurrence in relationships. This even happens in marriages and in good relationships at one time or another. But it also happens in relationships that are not working. Some singles experience this as an ever present phenomena in their love life - a partner running away, often with no explanation.

Here is a list of ten steps to follow do when your partner runs from you and the relationship:
1.Don't chase
In most cases, the person who is left behind loves and is attached to the person who has run away. It is this love that makes the desire to chase an overwhelming compulsion. However, have you ever been able to chase down anything or anyone who was running away from you? Think about any animal in the wild or even your own pet, friends, past lovers. Were you able to chase down any of them? I am sure your answer is no. Don't chase because you will not be able to catch them. Nor will you get him/her to come back to you in this way.

2. Don't chase
What happens when you chase something? In most cases, a pet, an animal, even a person will run faster and move vigorously away if you chase them. So, if you want your partner to really run away, which in many cases means truly the end of the relationship, then chase them. Otherwise, when they run away, let them run, don't chase.

3. Don't chase
Your partner who ran away may get something out of running way and being chased. If you want the behavior to stop, you need to stop reacting in predictable and, in this case, rewarding way. So, don't chase and see if your partner will get tired of the game. And even if they do not get tired of the game, don't chase. You can not get your partner to come back by chasing.

4. Don't convince
Sometimes chasing looks like incessant talking to try to convince someone to come back into the relationship. This behavior is no different than other forms of chasing. The more you do it, the more likely you are to chase the person away, instead of getting them to come back to you. It is impossible to convince another person of anything, especially that they love or want to be with you. You want to be chosen and wanted out of free will, not out of the hard work of convincing someone to love you.

5. Stand still
The minute you notice your partner has run away, stand still in response. As I have already said, don't chase, but don't run away either. Perhaps he or she will come to his/her senses and stop running. If you don't have an immediate reaction, there is a chance for things to resolve quickly and with a minimum damage to the relationship. How long should you stand still? Perhaps a day, a few days, or even a week, depending on your situation.

Read the next 5 steps to What to do when your partner runs in the next article here.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries


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(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2003. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!

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