Or Should I Be A Bad Boy?
Free weekly advice newsletter Sign up here
***A READER'S QUESTION***
Hi David. I appreciate the service you provide to us single (and I'm sure some not-so-single) men out here. I am preparing to download your book as soon as I am done with this email. About a week ago at work, a girl that I have known for about a year now and I were talking about things to do in the city. She suggested that we should maybe hang out sometime, and all I said was "I don't think you could handle this " -- and boom -- she was hooked! I was totally amazed first of all that I said anything like that, and second that it really worked!
Now my question: I was at a bar the other night and ran into a girl that I knew and somewhat hung out with about 4 years ago and have not seen her since. She said she was single, and told me to get my phone out because she was going to give me her phone number. This is a girl that I have always [wanted], and now that I have the chance I'm starting to get cold feet. I've set-up a lunch for this week, but I'm not sure since we already know each other if I should still do the cocky+funny deal or stick with (my usual) nice guy routine?
Wussy in Wichita. (LOL)
David D. >>>MY RESPONSE
You finally, for once in your life try being cocky and funny with a girl - and she eats it up - and then you ask if you should do it again?
Here are a couple of great formulas for you to remember:
1) Cold Feet = Cold Other Things Below The Waist
2) The "Usual Nice Guy Routine" = See Formula #1
Let's talk about these ideas.
If you ever hear a woman say the words "He's nice" you can pull out all the money you have on you and bet that she's not ATTRACTED to the guy she's talking about.
Women don't use the word "Nice" to describe men that they're FEELING it for. So why would you want to use the "usual nice guy routine"? What, you want to make SURE she never feels anything other than friendship for you?
What you're telling me here is that you knew this super-babe four years ago, but the "nice guy" rap didn't make anything happen then... so you're thinking that if you pour it on twice as thick it might work better this time?
Here's a good rule of thumb:
If your behavior isn't getting you the consistent results that you'd like to get, CHANGE IT.
Do ANYTHING different. I'm serious here. If what you're doing isn't working, DO SOMETHING ELSE IMMEDIATELY!
And if you've FOUND SOMETHING that works, then KEEP DOING IT!
(Hint: In case you haven't figured it out, I think you should ix-nay the ice-nay uy-gay outine-ray.)
And I don't think it's a coincidence that the words "nice guy" translate into "ICE-NAY UY-GAY" in Pig Latin.
Read that again, because it was pretty funny.
In summary, I think you might want to stick with the cocky+funny personality. It's working for more than a few guys out there, and it can work for you (as you've seen).
On a side topic...
From the way I talk, you might start to get the idea that I'm against being nice to women.
Quite the contrary. I think that it's great to be nice to women. Just do it in a way that doesn't make them think of you as a "nice guy."
Oh, that sounds interesting.
So the question is: How can I be nice without making her see me as a super-wussy who would pay a hundred dollars just to have one quick dig through her dresser? I just figured out how to say this in a simple, concise way... so listen up:
BE COCKY AND FUNNY, AND BUST HER BALLS WITH YOUR WORDS, BUT BE NICE TO HER WITH YOUR BEHAVIOR.
Wow, that was cool. Nice and simple. So here are a few examples:
1) Tell her that she walks slower than your mom, then open all doors for her.
2) Tell her that she's too uptight and she needs to settle down because it's annoying, then rub her shoulders.
3) Give her a hard time about her driving, then kiss her.
Are you with me?
One of the concepts that I talk about in my book "Double Your Dating" is ALWAYS SEND MIXED MESSAGES. Why would you want to send mixed messages? Because it's interesting. Because if it's done right, it's attractive. Because attractive women are fascinated by it when it's mixed with a cocky/funny personality.
I hope that those reasons work for you.
Attractive women are sooooo over guys who kiss up to them, buy them things, take them out, and act "nice". Attractive women are looking for something different. A challenge. A spark. Sassy, cheeky, mouthy, ballsy, witty, charming. An unpredictable, funny guy like yourself to take her attention, and run with it.
Now, how unpredictable is "nice"? How much of a challenge is "nice"? How much of a spark is in "nice"?
Exactly. Not much.
So, in summary: Be nice... but do it on your own terms. And mix nice BEHAVIOR with COCKY AND FUNNY COMMUNICATION.
This magical combination with keep her interest for as long as you'd like to have it. Remember, attractive women are different. They know that they can have anything they want. SO DON'T GIVE IT TO THEM... and they'll love you.
Does this sound "counter-intuitive" to you?
Good. It is. And it works like gangbusters. Remember this:
You need to understand how ATTRACTION works for women, and you need to do those things that keep the ATTRACTION BUILDING FOREVER.
It begins with YOU.
And it begins with you learning how to control yourself and your emotions. It begins with you needing to understand the history of how and why men and women become attracted to each other. It begins with you learning the basics of how to use subtle body language and communication to make women feel ATTRACTION for you.
If you'd like a great introduction to my ideas, then you need to go and download my online eBook "Double Your Dating". It's jam packed with great information, and you can go download it right now at www.doubleyourdating.com - just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,