There are 3 kinds of confidence that can work for you.
- Performance Confidence
- Acceptance Confidence
- Projection Confidence
Many times, men come to me after a long period of being single; either they are coming out of a long relationship, a marriage that is ending, or they just have never gotten the hang of being at ease around women.
Many of these men make the mistake of expecting to be totally powerful, at ease and smooth right out of the gate and get disappointed when they can’t quite get there right away.
So let me point out that, actually, there are 3 kinds of confidence that can work for you.
First, there is “performance” confidence.
Performance confidence comes from already having done something well many times in the past.
You’ve successfully scored a 30 ft jump shot 1,000 times before, so you are pretty at ease on the court, knowing you can do it again.
The paradox comes when you are in an area of life where you have NOT done well before. How do you get performance confidence when you have little experience, or lots of experience and MOST of it “bad”?
Now, even newbies can get performance confidence. The key here is to start with very small pieces and work your way up gradually, a little bit at a time. That way, you are stretching your comfort zone and what your mind believes you can do, inside. You are stretching just enough to learn and move ahead but not so much that you feel there is any danger in your mind.
Think about it like this: when I first started out teaching myself this stuff and experimenting, sometimes all I could do is the smallest little piece. But I kept right on building, gradually being able to do more and more.
kind of confidence is very useful to beginner and veteran
I call it “acceptance” confidence.
Now, acceptance confidence is NOT about puffing yourself up and charging in like a bull after a cow.
Acceptance confidence is about realizing the following attitude, “You know, I’m not sure how I will do or what will happen, but at the very least, I’ll learning something and have some fun.”
You see, acceptance confidence is not about having a “will” of steel.
It’s about having “willingness” and giving yourself permission.
It’s about having good beliefs about learning and giving yourself permission to fuck up, learn and laugh through what to others might seem or feel like starting to fail.
One of the realizations I had came from a discussion I had with my good friend, Vince Kelvin. I was pointing out some areas of my life that were producing some intense frustration and he said, “What if those areas weren’t really frustrating? What if they were just markers: book marks that are showing you chapters of power and ability that you didn’t even know were there, and now that they have your attention, you can open the book to the exact spots and get those chapters read?”
My friend, that kind of attitude is exactly what I “acceptance” confidence is about.
Now, here are two more things to consider about the power of acceptance confidence:
1. You can have acceptance confidence at ANY time. It’s not about skill, but about attitude. You can have it right now, this very second, this very moment, reading this. It’s just about giving yourself permission to fuck up and learn and doing it with a bit of a laugh.
2. Women can NOT tell the difference between performance and acceptance confidence and will be as attracted to your acceptance confidence as to someone who has performance confidence. The “vibe” feels very much the same to them and they are equally drawn!
I’m not kidding about this. Try it for yourself and see.
As you might know, I am a big advocate, believer and teacher of “positive” programming. I believe it can truly work and be truly useful.
By rehearsing how you would like to feel, how you would speak and how you would feel inside trying out new behaviors, you can make these behaviors feel much more real and familiar to your mind and quite effectively increase your ability to try out and do well at new abilities, skills and responses in the field.
I personally recommend my Fear Into Charisma DVD as being the absolute best and easiest “projection confidence” product, but I have other as well. Check out the Fear To Charisma DVD right here.
One Warning About Profoundly Changing
Sometimes when you start truly changing in an important area of life, old habits and patterns and ways of thinking and acting may try to jump up and bite you in the ass.
That is NOT a sign you are “backsliding” or “failing”. It just means that these old ways are actually looking for a way to be released, recycled, refined and redirected to even more empower the vision and reality of who you are every day more and more becoming!
One last point before I close this issue: it also helps to hold a “compassionate” view of the women you desire. This just means that you remember, whether they are pleasing or frustrating you, yielding or resisting, they are still just human beings. They came in the same way you did: naked baby. They will go out the same way you will: no more breathing. And in between those shared events, they are just trying to figure it all out. And they have their own moods, problems and insecurities to deal with along the way.
They may be hot.
They may be driving you crazy.
But they are NOT giants. They are just humans.
Peace and piece.
Disclaimer: ©2007-2008 Ross Jeffries, Speed Seduction. This article may not be republished under any circumstances without express written consent of the author and Cheerful Attitude Web Design Ltd.