Stephen Blake, Author "Loving
Your Long Distance Relationship". Find out more about the "Loving Your
Long Distance Relationship" Series of books, or to order your own copy visit
Stephen Blake's website.
Read how others have survived the 'long distance' in their relationships. You're
not alone!
Article from the Loving Your
Long Distance Relationship archive
I bought a computer and my
13 year old son showed me how to go to chat rooms. I was overwhelmed so
I found a room with 4 people in it. I talked to these 3 people for a few
hours and then one of them private chatted with me. I was very
interested in what he had to say. He lived in the Netherlands and I did
not even know where that was until he said Holland. I said "Oh yeah the
tulips and windmills right?" He just laughed and said "yes, and wooden
shoes too." We became instant friends. It was also his first time in a
chatroom and I think he was as nervous as me. We talked for hours that
night. Then he told me what time it was. Four in the morning actually
for him although it was only 10 pm for me.
We decided to meet at 4pm (for me) the next day in the same chat room.
And from that day on we have talked to each other at least once a day
since then. We also E-mail each other 2 times a day. In February 2002,
six months after we met online, he decided it was time to meet in
person. He flew in holding all the trust that I would show up at the
Airport to pick him up. We were both so scared that day, but it was love
at first sight. At least I felt it right away. He stayed with me for a
week. When he left I felt like my whole world fell apart. He felt it
too. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do, just letting him go
like that and not knowing what the future would hold for us. After this
visit things seemed harder for us. The internet chat and phone calls
seemed so impersonal. It felt cold and alone, and we both felt this
right away. We soon found ourselves planning another visit. This time we
wanted to spend more time together to see if what we have is true.
He came here in July of 2002 and then I went back with him to the
Netherlands to meet his family. He was here 4 weeks and I stayed with
him and his family for 2 weeks. This was 6 weeks all together and when
it was over we both fell into depression. We talk about plans of being
together, with him living here. But it is not that easy to do and with
the war going on in Iraq and the economy falling here in the states.
Work is a big issue for him. He has to make many adjustments because he
is an electrician and works with the metric system. This was the first
concern we had to deal with. Then in October of 2002 he came to visit me
again. Two weeks again. And it went way too fast. He went home and we
both felt alone and sad again. It was like an emotional roller coaster.
We are so happy together and then when we are apart it is the saddest
feeling we have ever felt. We continued to stay strong and talked
everyday about our future and what we both want in life. He came back
again at Christmas 2002 and stayed 2 weeks. It was wonderful to spend
time with him again. We both needed to feel close again. Again the
separation was difficult. But we stayed close with phone calls and
talking everyday.
For my Birthday in February
2003 I went to visit him again. I spent two wonderful weeks with him and
his family. I would easily go live with him except for 2 reasons. One, I
don't speak Dutch which makes it hard with everyone. Two, I have a
teenage son who i can not make leave the only home he has ever known for
a country where he cant speak to anyone either. We both Know that He
will have to be the one to sacrifice and move away from his home. About
a month ago in May of 2003 his parents came to visit and meet my family.
They stayed with me and we had a wonderful holiday together. His parents
and I get along real well just as He gets along with my parents too. Our
relationship has just grown stronger and stronger. The problem I see
with long distance relationships is that there are so many doubts and so
many emotions involved. Every time he leaves me I think to myself that
we are no closer to being together than we were when we met. My brain
does that to me. I know better because if I look at the progress we have
made over the last 2 years, I realize we have never been closer.
Many couples who are
together all the time don't speak to each other as often as we do. I
know everyday how he is feeling, how well he slept, and what his plans
for the day are. I bet many married couples could not even say that
about their mates. We have to share our feelings and fears and our
happiness. We enjoy each other and we are there for each other everyday.
I kiss him every morning and he kisses me every night. And I know as
long as we stay strong and believe in each other that we will be
together some day.
We have kept things interesting and fun everyday. We send each other
cards in the mail and we have exchanged pictures and videos of our
families so that we can feel closer to everyone. Sometimes he sends me
packages with sweets and love notes and I send similar packages to him.
He keeps in contact with my son VIA e-mail too. They even planned out a
surprise for me on Valentines day and making my son part of the plan
made him feel special. They have a good relationship. My son respects
him and he gives respect in return. I have found the perfect match for
me and as long as it takes I will hold on to this love of my life. I
will try to update you later when we have the wedding!
Tammie, Michigan, USA
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Copyright (c) 2003, 2004 Stephen
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