Stephen Blake, Author "Loving
Your Long Distance Relationship". Find out more about the "Loving Your
Long Distance Relationship" Series of books, or to order your own copy visit
Stephen Blake's website.
Read how others have survived the 'long distance' in their relationships. You're
Article from the Loving Your
Long Distance Relationship archive
met Doron 18 months ago on line in a chat room. Initially we asked one another
the usual questions you ask when faced with yet another user name. Like what
made you chose that name and & what music do you like listening to, etc. Nothing
grabbed me about this guy at all. We swapped email addresses, he lived in
Holland and I'm in London. The thing we do have in common though is that we're
A few emails were sent backwards and forwards probably over a period of 4 months
during which time I was sort of seeing someone and he was just about to finish
with someone. We swapped pics, he was cute but I'd seen so many cute pics and he
lived in Holland.........
One day about 5 months after our initial contact I got a random email from him
to say that he's coming to London with a friend for 10 days, he'd been saving up
for ages and would I know any where cheap he could stay. He found somewhere
eventually and then asked if I'd have any spare time to meet up, after all it
would be nice to put a face to the name. So we met on 18th December 2001 outside
the famous Eros Statue in Piccadilly but he was minus a friend. It turns out the
friends grandmother was ill so he couldn't make it.
The 10 days that followed were a whirlwind. It was like the Tasmanian devil had
swept into our lives, that's the only way I could describe it. He was 22 at the
time nearly 3 years younger than me and was going back to Holland and I
certainly had no idea that anything would happen. I was lucky to get time off
from work, so we spent a lot of time together visiting art galleries and museums
(most of which in all my 26 years living in London I had never seen). We chatted
a lot went out for dinner, saw a show, had long walks and even one day out side
the national gallery he turned up with a massive bunch of roses and one single
one. I was very flattered but oblivious to his intentions. I could tell he was a
nice boy but didn't think he liked me more than a friend. The day he went back
we realised how much of an impact we'd made on one another and decided (unaware
of the difficult times ahead) that we were officially an item. I made the first
move going on a guy instinct but knowing he was shy. I simply came out with it;
what would you do if I went to kiss you? He said, that would be very nice.
Prior to becoming an item I'd invited him round to my house for dinner and
during desert and a chat with my mother we discovered that one of his best
friends (in Holland) is the son of an old friend who my mother once worked with
many moons ago (what a small world!). So that certainly broke the ice and almost
suggested that there was something quite special between us.
So since then we are still living apart. Let me explain. Just before we me,
Doron had enrolled on a 4-year hotel and management course in one of the top
hotel schools in Europe. So, what with our many backward and forward visits I
decided to leave my last job January 2003 and find a job in Amsterdam. My hunt
was unsuccessful and me not working and being without friends did put an
unwanted strain on our relationship. So after 2 months (financially I couldn't
stay longer and pay rent there) I decided to come back to London in March 2003.
I have now found myself a great job with prospects in London and have no
intentions to leave for along time. So it has been a difficult time. Fortunately
Doron is coming to London in 3 weeks to do 6 months work experience here, which
I am so looking forward to but after that things are unclear. We got engaged
last August but both know that it will be a while before we can settle down.
He'll have another 2 and half years left of his course when he goes back to
Holland next Jan so there's still a tough time ahead.
I think the hardest thing has been that I've seen many of my friends settle down
in comfy relationships and move out of their parental home and I can't do all of
that yet. There are so many things to consider. Essentially I still feel single,
my single mates consider me as one of them and often want me to go clubbing but
I only really see that as a place to meet a partner or go occasionally for
someone's birthday. As an engaged couple we haven't shared everyday experiences
like other couples do. Yes we've argued and gone through periods of uncertainty
about our future but we haven't paid bills or had late nights and early mornings
for work together yet. There are times when I may have had a crappy day at work
or felt down about something and obviously with a long distance relationship
there isn't the spontaneity of sharing it with your partner, these are all
things we have discussed.
Some might wonder why we got engaged and how do I know I want to spend the rest
of my life with this guy and vice versa. It's something we've talked about a lot
and also given one another the option to back out of but it all comes down to a
few simple things. We're sole mates there's an unspoken feeling between us that
says that there is no one else. We both couldn't imagine sharing our lives with
anyone else but each other. We are often frustrated at the distance but equally
excited about our future together as man and wife and all the things that come
along with that.
There was time in the beginning when I'd be out with friends and spot a handsome
guy in a bar or restaurant and think mmm ... nice, now I think nice looking but
I'll stick with the most amazing guy! (Well almost amazing!)
Michelle, United Kingdom
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