Long Distance Relationships In The Military

Prior to becoming an item I'd invited him round to my house for dinner and during dessert and a chat with my mother we discovered that one of his best friends (in Holland) is the son of an old friend who my mother once worked with many moons ago (what a small world!). So that certainly broke the ice and almost suggested that there was something quite special between us.

So since then we are still living apart. Let me explain. Just before we met, Doron had enrolled on a 4-year hotel and management course in one of the top hotel schools in Europe. So, what with our many backward and forward visits I decided to leave my last job January 2003 and find a job in Amsterdam. My hunt was unsuccessful and me not working and being without friends did put an unwanted strain on our relationship. So after 2 months (financially I couldn't stay longer and pay rent there) I decided to come back to London in March 2003. I have now found myself a great job with prospects in London and have no intentions to leave for along time. So it has been a difficult time. Fortunately Doron is coming to London in 3 weeks to do 6 months work experience here, which I am so looking forward to but after that things are unclear. We got engaged last August but both know that it will be a while before we can settle down. He'll have another 2 and half years left of his course when he goes back to Holland next Jan so there's still a tough time ahead.

I think the hardest thing has been that I've seen many of my friends settle down in comfy relationships and move out of their parental home and I can't do all of that yet. There are so many things to consider. Essentially I still feel single, my single mates consider me as one of them and often want me to go clubbing but I only really see that as a place to meet a partner or go occasionally for someone's birthday. As an engaged couple we haven't shared everyday experiences like other couples do. Yes we've argued and gone through periods of uncertainty about our future but we haven't paid bills or had late nights and early mornings for work together yet. There are times when I may have had a crappy day at work or felt down about something and obviously with a long distance relationship there isn't the spontaneity of sharing it with your partner, these are all things we have discussed.

Some might wonder why we got engaged and how do I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy and vice versa. It's something we've talked about a lot and also given one another the option to back out of but it all comes down to a few simple things. We're soul mates there's an unspoken feeling between us that says that there is no one else. We both couldn't imagine sharing our lives with anyone else but each other. We are often frustrated at the distance but equally excited about our future together as man and wife and all the things that come along with that.

There was time in the beginning when I'd be out with friends and spot a handsome guy in a bar or restaurant and think mmm ... nice, now I think nice looking but I'll stick with the most amazing guy! (Well almost amazing!)

Michelle, United Kingdom

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