Stephen Blake, Author "Loving
Your Long Distance Relationship". Find out more about the "Loving Your
Long Distance Relationship" Series of books, or to order your own copy visit
Stephen Blake's website.
Read how others have survived the 'long distance' in their
relationships. You're not alone!
Article from the
Loving Your Long Distance Relationship archive
I met Doron 18 months ago on line in a chat room.
Initially we asked one another the usual questions you ask when faced with yet
another user name. Like what made you chose that name and & what music do you
like listening to, etc. Nothing grabbed me about this guy at all. We swapped
email addresses, he lived in Holland and I'm in London. The thing we do have
in common though is that we're both Jewish.
A few emails were sent backwards and forwards probably over a period of 4
months during which time I was sort of seeing someone and he was just about to
finish with someone. We swapped pics, he was cute but I'd seen so many cute
pics and he lived in Holland.........
One day about 5 months after our initial contact I got a random email from him
to say that he's coming to London with a friend for 10 days, he'd been saving
up for ages and would I know any where cheap he could stay. He found somewhere
eventually and then asked if I'd have any spare time to meet up, after all it
would be nice to put a face to the name. So we met on 18th December 2001
outside the famous Eros Statue in Piccadilly but he was minus a friend. It
turns out the friends grandmother was ill so he couldn't make it.
The 10 days that followed were a whirlwind. It was like the Tasmanian devil
had swept into our lives, that's the only way I could describe it. He was 22
at the time nearly 3 years younger than me and was going back to Holland and I
certainly had no idea that anything would happen. I was lucky to get time off
from work, so we spent a lot of time together visiting art galleries and
museums (most of which in all my 26 years living in London I had never seen).
We chatted a lot went out for dinner, saw a show, had long walks and even one
day out side the national gallery he turned up with a massive bunch of roses
and one single one. I was very flattered but oblivious to his intentions. I
could tell he was a nice boy but didn't think he liked me more than a friend.
The day he went back we realised how much of an impact we'd made on one
another and decided (unaware of the difficult times ahead) that we were
officially an item. I made the first move going on a guy instinct but knowing
he was shy. I simply came out with it; what would you do if I went to kiss
you? He said, that would be very nice.
Prior to becoming an item I'd invited him round to
my house for dinner and during dessert and a chat with my mother we discovered
that one of his best friends (in Holland) is the son of an old friend who my
mother once worked with many moons ago (what a small world!). So that
certainly broke the ice and almost suggested that there was something quite
special between us.
So since then we are still living apart. Let me explain. Just before we met,
Doron had enrolled on a 4-year hotel and management course in one of the top
hotel schools in Europe. So, what with our many backward and forward visits I
decided to leave my last job January 2003 and find a job in Amsterdam. My hunt
was unsuccessful and me not working and being without friends did put an
unwanted strain on our relationship. So after 2 months (financially I couldn't
stay longer and pay rent there) I decided to come back to London in March
2003. I have now found myself a great job with prospects in London and have no
intentions to leave for along time. So it has been a difficult time.
Fortunately Doron is coming to London in 3 weeks to do 6 months work
experience here, which I am so looking forward to but after that things are
unclear. We got engaged last August but both know that it will be a while
before we can settle down. He'll have another 2 and half years left of his
course when he goes back to Holland next Jan so there's still a tough time
ahead.
I think the hardest thing has been that I've seen many of my friends settle
down in comfy relationships and move out of their parental home and I can't do
all of that yet. There are so many things to consider. Essentially I still
feel single, my single mates consider me as one of them and often want me to
go clubbing but I only really see that as a place to meet a partner or go
occasionally for someone's birthday. As an engaged couple we haven't shared
everyday experiences like other couples do. Yes we've argued and gone through
periods of uncertainty about our future but we haven't paid bills or had late
nights and early mornings for work together yet. There are times when I may
have had a crappy day at work or felt down about something and obviously with
a long distance relationship there isn't the spontaneity of sharing it with
your partner, these are all things we have discussed.
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