Michael W - The Dating Wizard: The Spell To Dating Success
The Dating Wizard Newsletter Signup - Go beyond rote line memorization and understand the difference of dating
and of being "The Man" when it comes to seducing women.
Welcome to "The Dating Wizard's: Spell To Dating Success" article series.
This Article: There is a big difference between INTERESTED and jumping to conclusions like being MASSIVELY INTERESTED before you even KNOW anything about her, which would be a sign of IMMATURITY and is not attractive.
Michael W: I'd like to clear up A PERVADING
MYTH that
is holding guys back from success with women.
Most guys have been made to think it's BAD if a woman knows that you are interested in her. This ends up triggering an infinite variety of tactics that guys dream up to make it seem like they are not "chasing" a woman.
It's ironic, as a guy will do everything in his power to make a woman he is attracted to think that somehow he is NOT interested in her.
Stuff like seeing a girl you're interested in, and then making sure to not say anything to her for a while so it supposedly looks like you're not interested in her. And then, starting the interaction LATER.
I used to do stuff like this years ago
when I was brainwashed by the "experts"
out there. I had to learn all this
stuff the hard way on my own.
In reality, women usually know all along when guys are interested, they've seen this type of thing about a thousand times. When a guy does this "hiding his intent" stuff, and if he ever gets success, it's IN SPITE of this "hiding his intent" stuff, and NOT BECAUSE of it!
The good news is that you get to take advantage of the lessons I learned.
So I know what I'm talking about because of all those mistakes, in about a thousand different areas of this topic, from approaching, to making the conversation, to building trust, to handling tests, to getting physical, to long term relationships.
But I digress, so back to the main point:
If you are going to try so hard to "not pursue",
then how the heck are you going to get started?
By talking to the girls through some kind of mask
with a sign on the forehead that says:
"I don't like you?"
I mean, girls are not stupid, they know you are chatting them up, and the other thing is, girls ENJOY this when you do it right, when you do it with STYLE. It's not like we are the enemy, it's not like they are the enemy.
It's not like we have to (or even could) TRICK them into chatting or anything else. It's about making women feel GOOD about the pick-up and about talking with you so that they enjoy the process just as much as you.
And the truth is that doing this is neither about tricking women NOR is it about making the interaction boring by giving up all your "cards" at once.
It's also important to realize that the way a man and woman interact with each other must EVOLVE as they get to know each other BEYOND the initial pick-up, but that's a whole other topic.
But in the initial pick-up, if a guy is going to be so nervous about not revealing any interest in even the most subtle and indirect ways, it will RUIN the natural flair and charisma he already had within himself. He'll be too busy worrying about making sure he is leaning far away from her, and that he is not being nice, to the point he can't even THINK straight enough to have a fun conversation.
A man should use everything in his power, from his tonality to body language to thoughts to understanding of female culture to let a woman know he is both the BEST and also that he MEANS IT with her, that he is not just joking around.
I mean, if showing a woman you are interested in her ruins things, how do you explain the success of clients at my Bootcamps who are having their arms around and kissing girls within minutes of meeting them? Are these girls thinking that this is a sign of being NOT interested in them??
I'm not even saying that you should go that far that fast, as it all depends on the situation, but the fact of the matter is that it's fine and GOOD for a girl to know you are INTERESTED.
The thing is, there is a big difference between INTERESTED and jumping to conclusions like being MASSIVELY INTERESTED before you even KNOW anything about her, which would be a sign of IMMATURITY and is not attractive.
But again, showing your INTENT is not a problem, and in fact is a VERY GOOD THING. As long as that intent is motivated by MATURITY and not pure shallowness. (Unless you are dealing with women who are extremely shallow, in which case, they will be looking for extremely shallow guys as well.)
The truth is, having CONVICTION behind your actions with women is MORE IMPORTANT than being this overly "clever" manipulator armed with all types of "tactics".
Don't give the game away, don't make the movie end before it starts, make her work for it a little, yes, but don't get swept up in this façade that you are faking a girl out. 99% of the time, a woman knows EXACTLY what is going on anyway, so the "faking out" only serves to make the guy look like he lacks confidence or it makes it look like he believes that she will not like him for who he really is.
Behaving in a way that shows you are willing to back up your interest with ACTION is a BIG PART of your success in both creating and sustaining a woman's attraction to you.
When I say conviction, I mean that whatever you do with a woman, do it like you mean it.
If you are walking up to her, walk up to her with the idea in your mind that she has been waiting for this moment her entire life. Don't take the "roundabout" route to where she is standing, don't try to make it look like you are NOT trying to walk toward HER.
If you are in a first telephone conversation with a woman you like, don't say something like "yeah, we should meet up sometime". Instead, PLAN the time, the activity, whatever the heck it is. Be specific. Show that you MEAN it.
If you are giving a woman a good-natured tease, do it like you MEAN IT, don't do it half-assed or apologetically. Do it in FUN, do it in a truly playful way. If you do it half assed, you end up only making a woman think you are weird and she has no idea of what you are really trying to communicate.
When you do it right, a woman understands the underlying sexual vibes being communicated, and she responds in kind.
In my bootcamps, workshops and consultations, one of the many major areas I work on improving in clients is obliterating all their "inner static" going on internally that is interfering with everything from the initial approach, the conversation, or even getting physical. I'll figure out what the problem is and do whatever is required to solve it, whether it's a major tactical issue like body language or whether it's a deeper issue with negative and erroneous beliefs about all women.
Eradicating this problem immediately triggers a tremendous improvement in women's reactions to them.
What is happening is that suddenly everything the guy does now is injected with charm.
So what has actually happened here?
What is the difference that women see, hear and
feel from these changes?
The answer is that now everything the guy does is coming across like he MEANS IT.
One of the greatest fallacies is that "you have to be a jerk to attract a woman". No, the truth is that to attract any woman, especially the QUALITY women who have both the looks and the personality, you have to show that you MEAN BUSINESS, which is very different than being a jerk. In fact, when you mean business, when you interact with a woman in a way that it's obvious you are not going to be deterred easily, this HEIGHTENS a woman's attraction. The thing is that you have to do all this from a perspective of STRENGTH, not of desperation.
If you REALLY mean business, if you really MEAN it when you approach a woman, then why on earth would you be acting all kissing up? There is a big difference between being genuinely nice and kissing up out of desperation. In fact, sometimes this "nice" stuff when it happens too fast before a woman even knows you, it creates a feeling of PRESSURE on her.
After all, she sees the guy is CLEARLY WANTING SOMETHING REALLY BADLY, and yet she knows nothing about him. But the guy is coming on so strong, she has to make a decision right away, since he has clearly made up HIS so fast, and she knows he WANTS her decision back NOW, even if he doesn't say so to her face, it's clear he needs an answer NOW. He is desperate.
So, she feels she has to give him NO as the answer, since after all, she knows nothing about him except the fact he seems desperate.
If a guy is kissing up, what he really means is that he feels she will NOT be attracted, so that is he must compensate by doing all this extra nicey-nicey stuff.
Once a woman already earns your affection, then a "nice" action become far more genuine, because it's clearly not something you are doing to compensate for some flaw.
So in essence the weak approach says you don't have the value to actually mean business. The more fake nicey-nicey stuff when you don't know her, the more you are saying "don't choose me, I know I wouldn't choose myself!"
So how on earth can she take such an offer seriously?
The guy is saying through his own behavior that he
is not worth her time.
He is saying "DON'T choose me".
And yet, ironically, he feels BAD when she doesn't choose him, even though he has been instructing her to NOT choose him. The guy THINKS that he means it when he goes up to her, but in his own mind, he really believes he is NOT ready, he is NOT good enough for her.
The more he does this, the more he is saying he is just aiming to be on the sidelines and and to take some scraps.
For example, if a woman sees that you are staring at her for a while and NOT TAKING ACTION, she might feel you are a creepy stalker, but if you just went up to her, she feels you are being a man.
Sometimes a woman actually feels that maybe there is something wrong with HER and that's why the guy is not doing anything.
Sometimes she feels that maybe the guy is just a wuss.
In just about every case though, as you can tell, being hesitant and trying to mask your intentions just makes her feel worse or makes you seem worse.
The truth is that women get MORE turned on when a guy is NOT hiding his masculinity and makes it clear that he won't be stopped. The problem is that guys think that this means only stating things DIRECTLY, like telling a woman they desire her.
Which is not necessarily the worst thing to do, but it's far MORE effective if you ALSO get her EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED in the process, by suggesting your intention as well as YOUR worth, with your body language, tonality, sense of humor, etc, all of which I go into detail on in my materials and programs.
There really is no point in approaching a woman with an attitude of "let's just see what happens" unless you are at the complete absolute beginner phase. A complete beginner will benefit because at least he sees the world doesn't end just because he approached a woman. But otherwise, you are communicating the wrong things to a woman if you take this attitude. You are going in to WIN, because you KNOW YOU CAN.
Most girls do NOT like the idea of a guy just playing around with them for conversation or for anything else unless they (the girls) are desperate. They have to figure out where to categorize you, as guy with potential, guy they are attracted to, or guy who is just wasting their time and doesn't plan to do anything.
So when a guy behaves like he MEANS IT, when he asks for the number or email or whatever, girls sense this guy is not screwing around with them. That's part of the reason women need to test you. Not only must they test to see if you are genuine, but they must also test to see if you are a dumbass who later on will get confused about what he wants.
Again, at no time am I advocating kissing up, I'm advocating having DIRECTION, and FOCUS. It's far more attractive for a woman to get on board a ship that has direction than a ship that doesn't even know where it wants to go, a ship that SHE will have to figure out and steer. Especially in our culture, even with supposedly all the desire women have for exact equality, the truth is that almost NO WOMAN ON EARTH wants a guy that can't lead the situation.
Girls LIKE to be pursued, when it's from a guy who makes it fun and doesn't give away the complete challenge. Being pursued doesn't mean calling ten times a day!
If you don't act like you mean business, it will be unlikely that she will feel attraction.
There's another dimension to this whole "really meaning it" behavior. When you go up to a woman like you mean it, that means you believe it will PROBABLY WORK OUT in your favor. If you believe it will work in your favor, then you will not do the subtle things that so many guys do to sabotage themselves. Guys sabotage themselves because it's easier for THEMSELVES to ruin an interaction ON PURPOSE with a woman than it is to have HER ruin the interaction.
So a lot of guys who are perfectly normal the rest of the time will suddenly start behaving like a goofball or a jerk when they start interacting with a woman they are attracted to. They do this so that they have an EXCUSE later for why things didn't work out, and excuse that protects THEM from having to blame themselves. "Hey after all haha I was being such a jerk haa". (laughter used to cover pain)
So when guys are acting like goofballs, jerks, or show-offs, they are really showing the woman that they DON'T MEAN IT, that they don't really want to get to know her or get closer to her physically. The woman feels that after all, the guy was acting like a screwball. Now, some women can read right through this, they KNOW the guy was attracted, but then because he had no guts and instead had to act like a jerk, they reject him because women aren't attracted to guys who are so afraid of being rejected.
In a real interaction with a woman, once the teasing and playfulness has been done, there comes a time for just being a normal human being and having some normal conversation. This shows that you are not trying to be a character, that you are comfortable to also be relaxed and normal and that you are not worried if she is going to reject your normal self.
The irony again is that by "exposing yourself" and just being normal and not a goofball or jerk, you are showing that you believe you have worth and that she will probably find that too, and that if she DOESN'T feel that you have worth, you are still going to live your life and enjoy it.
So, in the DEEPEST SENSE, you are showing again, that you MEAN BUSINESS, because you know that for things to REALLY WORK, you can't play some character forever, and that you aren't about to start playing one now- you are showing that you know that for things to work between the two of you for real, you can't play some character. Coming across as a goofball is just hiding from reality and symbolizes that you aren't serious.
Keep in mind that she will also feel that since YOU can be real, so can SHE, and this is really a relief for her as well. This is how you develop a real connection, because you are being real, and so now she feels so can she. By both being "real" and not fakey nice and not goofball or jerky, you can really get a powerful vibe going.
All this good stuff can't happen if you aren't prepared to risk rejection, if rejection means such a big deal to you that you have to pretend to be some character, so that it will be the character that gets rejected if there is indeed a rejection. But the irony is that even if the character bit doesn't get you rejected initially, I can guarantee you that either it will eventually show and make you look very uncool, or the pretending will drive you nuts and make you miserable. So if you think about it, it's not a winning strategy no matter what. Your ONLY choice is to MEAN BUSINESS and expect her to want to go for it.
Again, MEANING IT doesn't mean GIVING YOURSELF AWAY. It doesn't mean that you will be an easy catch. It doesn't mean that you don't retain an air of mystery. It doesn't mean that you RUIN ALL THE FUN. It just means that YOU ARE INTERESTED, and that if she can impress you and be fun for the rest of the journey, she stands a good chance of you taking action on your interest.
When you mean it, you don't try to show off how great you are. I see a LOT of this going on out there, guys that just can't stop showing off when talking to girls. It's TOO OBVIOUS the guy is TRYING to show how great he is. Women see this ALL THE TIME and KNOW this is pathetic low self esteem. If a guy is showing off how great he is, he's really saying to her is that he doesn't trust her to like him, and that he must inflate his real self-worth because he is not really desirable. She will basically take his showing off as a sign of him REALLY NOT BEING NATURALLY WORTHY of being treated well.
When you mean it, you also go in MEANING to be her MAN, so you behave like a man, leading the way, etc.
A related point about getting physical- do it like you mean it. Sex shouldn't be some ho-hum thing, because if you aren't attracted to her, then what are you doing with her?
Just keep in mind that being attracted to a woman is also more complex than most gurus will acknowledge. It's not JUST a matter of physical looks.
But my point is, if after getting to know a woman, if you are not attracted, then why are you with her? You have to MEAN it.
And if you would like to learn the most powerful ways of showing and feeling you MEAN IT, so that the vibes between you and her will be exploding with chemistry, then I seriously recommend you immediately order my Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program.
You'll come back to this program again and again, for years, whenever you have ANY question about attraction, pick-up, or dating. It will CHANGE THE WAY you THINK about attraction itself.
Just click here.
And if you haven't yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then do that first. It's the foundation before moving on to my advanced programs, and inside this eBook you'll find fantastic insights that you use to meet and attract more women RIGHT NOW.
Just go here.
Till next time,
Michael
PS. If you want more information before purchasing any of my products (they come with the best personal guarantee of any ebook and CD material available online!) visit my website here.
Dating Tips For Men
Get a Great Girl »
Today's Question
Popular Dating Ebooks
