Do My Looks Matter? by The Dating Wizard - Michael W. - The Spell to Dating Success - FEATURED MEN'S DATING AND RELATIONSHIP CONSULTANT AT aLoveLinksPlus.com

Michael W - The Dating Wizard: The Spell To Dating Success
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Congratulations guys, you have arrived at the greatest resource on the planet for getting good with women the old-fashioned way, by actually developing yourself in the ways that cause ATTRACTION between you and the woman or women of your choice.

To be blunt, EVERYONE is using my materials. Oh yeah, that includes the "gurus", who are having a hell of a difficult time trying to sound congruent when imitating me.

There's a bunch of things I wanted to share with you in this article:

1. The first thing I want to address is the whole "Hey man, do my looks matter to a woman"" questions that I get sent to me by email a lot.

The answer is that most women, and very often especially the most attractive of women, are not as obsessed with a guy's looks as many guys seem to be with women's looks.

The thing is, what I HATE, is when guys take the LAZY attitude as a result of this "news." You see, THAT "lazy" attitude is the REAL destroyer to attraction.

Attraction is about the COMPELLING emotions she feels from being with you, from thinking about you, etc.

These emotions are the VALUE you are giving her.

How much VALUE in terms of emotion do you think a guy that is LAZY gives a woman? As opposed to being a guy that is ambitious? I'm not even saying ambitious about MONEY! Not at all. It could be he is ambitious about helping the homeless! Seriously, it's the CHARACTER, the fact that he is INTENT, that he feels his life has MEANING, that he is ENERGIZED to make things HAPPEN.

A man with a plan, so to speak.

Listen, there's a LOT of reasons for why women are the way they are, but ONE reason a guy's looks are not the PARAMOUNT factor for women is because women seriously want MORE than just that. The other things matter so much that the looks thing is not the "end-all-and-be-all" of attraction.

They want a guy who's got the ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY.

I didn't say the ass-kiss personality, I said the ATTRACTIVE personality. And for one thing, it's NOT attractive to be LAZY.

So many guys, when they hear the news that a guy's looks does not have to be a limiting factor to his success, they figure that means they don't have to develop their personalities in any way.

Or they let themselves get totally out of shape and that is TERRIBLE for their inner game, for their own sense of self-esteem, etc. And yet these elements of your inner game are CRUCIAL to success with women!

Similarly, the style that a guy has for himself, his choice of clothing and accessories.

This stuff matters, not only because of what it does for your inner game, but also because of what it COMMUNICATES to women about you.

It's amazing, because every inner game element has a DIRECT consequence in the real world and in the guy's effect on women. So if you don't care enough to develop your inner game, you don't care enough to take care of yourself, and if you don't care enough about that, you don't care about dressing cool, and if you don't dress cool at all, she figures you don't feel you have the worth, and that if you feel so low about yourself, she can't be expected to feel ATTRACTION for you!

Similarly, this applies for things like a sexy confident sense of humor. If you communicate always in a serious way, that says a lot about your attitudes of fear and scarcity, and that says you don't have the value internally to attract women, so you therefore, in her mind, must not be a good catch.

This stuff goes DEEP. The bottom line though is the VALUE you are giving a woman.

And the reality is, that your personality ALONE can be a huge source of value IF you learn to develop the dimensions of it you probably don't even realize that you have now, buried deep within you.

It DOES make a huge difference that is IMMEDIATELY apparent to a woman in the first few moments she interacts with you.

And by the way, I really hate to even TALK about the fact that a guy's "looks" don't matter that much, because I don't want guys to even CONSIDER themselves "not good looking, but still successful with women". You should NEVER consider yourself "not good looking" NO MATTER WHAT. I'm SERIOUS about this.

You can practice this to the point that you DO see yourself as looking GREAT. Even if it's the greatness of the fact you are so UNIQUE.

Also, getting fit and in shape and learning how to dress will not only help your OUTER look, it will ALSO help the way you feel about yourself. The VERY ACT of being PROACTIVE about yourself and the way you look sends the MESSAGE to your BRAIN that you feel you are WORTHY enough, that you feel there is a POINT in taking care of yourself.

And THAT helps your inner game. NEVER be passive and apathetic in this area.

Now, at the same time, I want to mention something related and very important: One of the reasons women are NOT so obsessed with a guy's looks is because so many times, the guy who has got all the looks has not worked on the REST of his personality.

Either he is a guy that ONLY relies on his looks and acts as if he is all that which actually shows insecurity and is not cool, or he is lacking personality in some other way. Or he figures he's so great that he becomes a jerk and there's no connection with the woman.

And that is a SERIOUS drawback from a woman's point of view.

But THAT is so NOT an excuse for guys to think that therefore women don't NEED ANYTHING from a guy in order to feel attraction.

That would be the LAZY guy's approach to life and to women. "Oh women are not so obsessed with looks, so I'll eat potato chips and watch tv and do nothing all day and be a miserable depressed grouch and then I will pick up only the hottest and best personality women and expect them to like me."

When it comes to attracting women, it REALLY does boil down to your OVERALL value --- i.e. what she FEELS from being around you.

If you want a GREAT woman, it's very VERY simple:
What does YOUR personality, your tonality, your body language, your THOUGHTS, your values, your lifestyle, your goals, make HER feel?

Each one of those things above is powerful. It's the reason I can run a solid pickup without making a joke. I can often run a solid pickup just by focusing on delivery of the words with a touch of dominance and a bit of rapport. Without teasing her, without making jokes, without using roleplay, without any of the other stuff.

I'm not saying it's the most CONSISTENT way to do pickup, but often it can work, because of the most subtle of communication that is being conveyed through tonality that makes her feel intrigued and compelled to find out more.

You can learn to do this too. But learning ALL the insights into attraction, and having all the tools, just makes you that much more powerful and prepared for any situation, and also it makes the interaction MORE fun. And besides, if you don't learn the other tools, then you are holding yourself back from being able to use all the different dimensions of your personality. In essence, you are hiding the real you from her! The real you that is actually attractive and compelling.

Let me focus a bit on just the PERSONALITY dimension of attraction.

When you meet a woman you like, and for as long as you're with her, she is either being PUSHED AWAY by your personality or she is being PULLED IN. And by "your personality" I mean the emotions that she feels as a result of your personality.

She is either feeling excitement, fun, just the right amount of tension, and so much more, all from basking in the AWESOME vibe that you have learned to generate as a by-product of your developed personality, or she is being bored or worse, being DRIVEN away.

And make no mistakes about it, most guys through no fault of their own, have had their personalities DEMOLISHED from an attraction point of view. All the good stuff has been repressed, it has been brainwashed, it has been punished, it has been erased.

MOST men have been affected by the modern times that cause this brainwashing. Especially GOOD guys!

But the good news is that this CAN be reversed and you can actually develop yourself consciously to the point you become AMAZING at this.

What do I mean by amazing?
I mean that you will have learned a WAY that is instinctive, to make just about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING way more emotionally compelling. Life around you will be far more compelling for any woman that meets you, once you learn these skills.

For example, if a woman is doing her shopping at the mall, and she's just going about her business, let's say she's buying groceries, and she meets you, she is going to BENEFIT from that encounter.

Why?
Because she is going to be LAUGHING soon. That frozen chicken in her hands for example, will be part of a joke of saying she's freaking you out in a Silence of the Lambs style.

And because of the way you say it, she is going to LAUGH. And from your tonality and expression, it's clear you are not NEEDY for her to have to drop everything in her life and now serve as your slave. It's good enough to just enjoy the MOMENT.

So now, she's feeling good, and she's also feeling she has OPTIONS. No pressure.

Added to that, she is going to experience her sexuality heightening, because of the proximity, the tone of voice, the sense of humor. So as you get her to come with you to the drugstore, and she needs to get some stuff as well, and she takes you down an aisle, you playfully tell her that as you pass the condoms section that you hardly know her and that this is awfully fast of her. It's a joke, but it's sexual, and it's playful and it's funny.

And yet it's still progressing the interaction and preventing it from being anti-septic.

And when you protect her and move her gently away from the oncoming traffic, it's a feeling of security you're giving her.

And when you are listening to her to learn more about her, and you find out she speaks two languages, and that she is a great singer/writer/athlete or that she truly loves what she does, or whatever it is, you are actually INTERESTED, you are not "playing" a game with her called "rapport game". It's REAL.

When you seek to develop greater rapport with her, it's because it REALLY does matter to you, you honestly enjoy getting to know the women you are with.

And yes, I have personal experience with this ;)

And all this is RANDOM, in the sense that I don't plan it out, the pick-up could happen in a million different ways, depending on what feels right. You see, you will not only be learning more than you can imagine, but you will also be developing instincts that serve you well no matter what the situation is when you meet a woman.

But the only way to GET to that "instinctive" point is to first learn the COMPONENTS and then put them together, and then forget it all, and let instinct put them all together in the perfect way for each situation. Learning this stuff is like learning a LANGUAGE.

My programs teach you the components of your INNER GAME and your OUTER GAME and how to DEVELOP them, and how to put the components together.

Once you learn it, it becomes instinct. Again, it's like LANGUAGE. Learning LANGUAGES is an innately HUMAN thing, and this skill is simply another language.

And when you observe other people speaking a language, it seems like nothing is happening, because it looks so effortless. But that is simply being FLUENT.

Similarly, when you observe a PROPER pick up happening, it all seems as if nothing much is happening, you don't see the "techniques" because they all seem so perfectly timed, they seem to make so much sense that it's almost OBVIOUS, as if "of course" he's now going to do this, and then that, etc.

But if a person were to try to IMITATE it, who was not FLUENT in it, it wouldn't work nearly as well. He would be too busy trying to copy it exactly since he doesn't instinctively understand the principles, which would allow him to OPTIMIZE his interactions with each woman in each situation.

On that note, let's take a look from a reader who's been putting The Dating Wizard materials and programs into action. He's taken the COMPONENTS, and INTERNALIZED so much of it now, that it's all starting to finally gel.

*** Letter ***

Hey Michael,

HAHAHAHA, lol, my game's bout to sky rocket bro, I can feel it. Shit man, thanks. It's just this continuous cycle of good feelings. I step into a pub, go say something that I feel is playful at the MOMENT to a girl I'm attracted to, get her laughing, feel that joy, calibrate it, make her laugh some more with some sexual tension, brush her hair back, tell her to be careful not to catch a chair on her dangling earrings lol, take her hand, rest my finger in her front pocket, push her away a little let her come back.

All the while, she's saying things to make me laugh which is great.

The gentle, physical skin contact is amazing and addicting. And then I notice there's like three or four girls hovering around us looking at me, (kinda like when there's a fine girl in the bar and a bunch of dudeshovering around her, same thing) that makes me feel great. She goes to the bathroom, and I'm feeling great so I go flirt with another girl and make her feel great. Everything fades away except the feeling of laughter and ecstasy.

At most, I'm only drinking three beers, so I got just a slight buzz-no hangovers.

Then, a couple of her friends will come try to drag her away, but she says she'd rather stay. That makes me feel even higher. That joy then lasts a couple of days. It just keeps going. I think your right-above everything else, you've got to be in a good mood. It's the only way to sweep them off their feet-like a f-ing hurricane. I work with children, so some times my life can get very, very depressing.

Before I go out, I listen to my favorite comedians or some great music, but it never really cuts it. I've learned that the only thing that can put me in a good mood is myself. And I do that by flirting. Making girls I'm attracted to laugh gets me high.

God, I wish it wasn't Sunday, I want to go out and practice picking up. It's so addicting. I'm basically working on sealing it now. I wanted to ask you if it's okay to kiss a girl in a pub if the vibe is real strong, but I know the answer is yes-it's probably why I'm having problems sealing it all up.

Anyways, s**t, thanks man. My life seems so complete. I'm about to graduate and pursue what I LOVE doing. I've got a handful of amazing, great friends. And now I'm picking up sexy women. The joy continues. It took me about 7 months, but that's because I was slow to step up to the plate. But it's all good cuz it's given me time to hone a variety of skills-I'm well rounded.
Peace out man,
Brandon T.

***MY COMMENTS***

First of all, thanks for the props. Some KEY things in your email:

1. STATE
Yup, this is huge. The thing is, to get INTO a great state, it's important to even REALIZE that this is not about just being "positive", otherwise we would all be acting like Barney the Dinosaur. I know you realize this, because you have the programs and materials, but I just want to make it clear to readers that this is not just about being "positive" but about being MASCULINE, UPBEAT, PLAYFUL, AND SEXUAL, and often ALL AT ONCE.

So learning about these states and how to get into them and when is the best time for what all help a LOT.

2. The second KEY thing you mentioned is "CALIBRATE". After all, it takes two to tango, and so if you don't calibrate the woman, then SHE will not be feeling any great states, and that's kinda pointless.

Calibrating is so important, you have to know what TYPE of woman you are interacting with and adjust accordingly.

You have to know when a woman is feeling freaked out and how to calm her down, when she is feeling totally calm, when the energy of the interaction needs to be SPIKED, you have to know when you are teasing her too hard and tone it down, or when to tone it up, and when it would be just right to up the ante on the sexual tension and when to challenge her, and when to escalate physically.

Calibration- one of the most VITAL topics of attraction in the advanced levels.

3. Another key point - FEELING the joy of that energy that she's giving back to you. Sounds simple, but too many guys deprive themselves of this because they are going on robotic style pick-up where they are not aware of the fact there is a woman in front of them who is alive and breathing and is a human being- too many guys are too obsessed with just DELIVERING their speech that they are totally out of touch with the VIBE of the interaction. It's as if a robot is there trying to pick up the woman, a robot that cannot actually sense emotion, it's just reading off lines from a script, regardless of how the woman reacts.

4. You established innocent contact, i.e. "brush her hair back" "take her hand, rest my finger in her front pocket, push her away a little let her come back".

All good stuff, of course this is more suited for lounges, bars, clubs, etc..

5. Also, you raised the point of "three or four girls hovering around us looking" which just gives you even more social proof and makes you feel even more confident, and makes the girl feel that she has the man who is the prize with her.

Personally, I don't drink at all, I enjoy the challenge of getting into state without alcohol, and this allows you to be sharper in your "game" as well. But it sounds like at least you are not getting carried away, and that you realize it's your real game that matters, and that skill does not come from alcohol.

6. I also liked the point you brought up about her friends, which is that if she's having a great time with you, and you are triggering attraction in her, well then that's the best way to get her to fend off her friends, it's much better than any sneaky manipulative tactics that snake-oil salesmen try to sell on how to "destroy her friends".

And YES, it's absolutely okay to kiss a woman in the pub, just don't turn the pub into your bedroom. And regarding "sealing it", the reality is that this is no more difficult than the other steps, the main thing is to make sure you WANT to seal it. That way, you'll be far more congruent.

Don't feel the pressure to "seal it" as a "SKILL". What makes it "hard" for some guys is that they force themselves to do it even though THEY don't really want to, they get so caught up in the "game" they forgot they were not interested in the particular girl at all.

Find a girl you actually DIG.

The truth is, by the time you get near the "sealing the deal" stage, i.e. in her apartment, making out hardcore, and you have both had tons of rapport with each other, all that's left is to simply ESCALATE. But you have to WANT it deep down. Don't do it to impress anyone else or you'll be another one of those guys who goes around trying to get attention from guys by talking about who he's sleeping with. And that's lame.

It's not the Jedi way.

And on that note, if you are reading this right now and are sick and tired of just THINKING about the life you want with women and are actually PREPARED to GET that life NOW, then get out there NOW and take ACTION.

And if you want to ENSURE SUCCESS with that action, then you owe it to yourself to take advantage of the most IN-DEPTH powerful program available on this topic, anywhere:
THE SEDUCTION MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM CD Set.

This Program is EXTREMELY comprehensive, think of it as a REBIRTH.

I'm going to RE-AWAKEN every ATTRACTIVE component of yourself that has been REPRESSED, and I'm going to show you exactly how to apply it in EVERYTHING you do with women, from the way you speak, to the way you move, to the sense of humor you exude. You're also going to learn how to connect with any woman on a far deeper level than most guys will EVER have with ANY woman. And much, much more.
It's all at:
www.thedatingwizard.com/seductionmastery.htm

To learn this all by going into an "IMMERSION PROGRAM", reserve a Bootcamp with me today.

By going through this IMMERSION into pick-up, you will learn it at the FASTEST speed, you will learn all the SUBTLETIES by WITNESSING IT IN PERSON as I serve as your exclusive instructor, demonstrating and winging with you as pick-up on women is done from step A to step Z, over and over again in all kinds of venues till you GET IT.
Go to:
www.thedatingwizard.com/bootcamp.htm

And if you haven't done so already, download my eBook NOW. It's the DNA of attraction that sets the FOUNDATION before moving on to my Mastery Program.
It's at:
www.thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm

Till next time,
Michael W.

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Michael W, better known as The Dating Wizard, is a dating and relationship consultant for men, as well as a frequent guest on radio and television talk shows. Michael has spent over four years studying the specific male behaviors that trigger attraction in women. His findings are based on both his real life observations of men who are successful with women, as well as his research on evolutionary psychology and its applications to sexual attraction.

This work is copyrighted by the author. No unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2003-2007 The Dating Wizard All Rights Reserved