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Michael W - The Dating Wizard: The Spell To Dating Success
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Michael W.: As you may know by now, I am a massive believer in NOT faking your identity in order to attract a woman, but rather to BECOME the best you can be, so that you attract her as a result of who you really are.

Not only does this FEEL way better for you, it also WORKS way better as well. To any guys who think that they ARE faking to a girl, all I can say is that the girls are thinking "Go Ahead, Fake My Day!" Girls WISH you could fake them, because all they want is to feel attracted, so if it worked, believe me, they would LOVE fakers. The fact though is is that it usually does NOT work.

A lot of this field of attraction and dating is extremely myopic. And because of that, it's important that SOMEONE is there to actually give you the FULL PICTURE. That's my mission in this field.

The first thing I want to make really clear is that the idea of being PLAYFUL with a girl, and the idea of TEASING her, has just about NOTHING to do with putting on an ACT.

You see, what confident, playful, teasing humor REALLY is is simply a CONSEQUENCE of feeling massive value.

It's NOT about putting a person down.

Let me make it even clearer:
When a guy goes up to a girl who is SUPER-HOT, and he teases her that her lipstick makes her look like Daffy Duck or whatever the heck the tease is, the PRINCIPAL behind it all is that the girl is SO MASSIVELY CONFIDENT that SHE takes it as an OBVIOUS JOKE, but a JOKE that still took some GUTS to say.

If the girl does NOT take it as a JOKE, then you have not done it right. You have instead HURT her feelings.

Now, the thing is, that a woman who is hot, although she may have many other insecurities, the fact is that she at least clearly knows that GUYS want her, maybe not the exact guy that SHE wants, but in general she knows that most guys would pretty much do anything for her. So with THAT knowledge, when a guy teases her on this issue, it's an issue she is SUPREMELY SECURE WITH, so it is something she can LAUGH at.

Now, when YOU feel the SAME level of internal value, YOU will ALSO display the SAME level of comfort and security if a girl were to tease you BACK. The problem is, that many times, guys are NOT so secure with themselves in this particular arena as women who are hot are, which is pretty normal considering that the average dude has NOT had his butt kissed up by every single girl he has met since he hit puberty.

But the fact is, this is what TRUE internal development or "inner game" is really about.

I find it really bizarre when experts say, "Yeah, it's all about inner game, now here are fifty ways to fake a girl out." It's a complete contradiction.

This concept of actually having true fundamental internal development has MASSIVE implications, a DOMINO EFFECT, if you will. For example, a lot of people think that the best way to do an approach with a woman is to go "direct". They say, "Hey, I heard you say that there's no need to be fake, so I can right up to a girl and just be real with her, and as long as I say it with confidence, it's ok. So I can go up to a girl and tell her that I honestly think she has an incredible body or whatever."

These guys will say to me "After all, this way I am being direct, and it shows I am confident as a man."

But the thing is, it DOESN'T.
What this actually shows, and CORRECTLY, might I add, is that you don't meet a lot of women, and certainly not a lot of attractive women, and certainly not a lot of attractive women that will go out with you. Because if you DID, then why the heck does it stand out so much that she has a great body?

If you REALLY felt you were a guy of high value, it would not be ENOUGH for a girl to be hot. And this is the truth, after just a couple of weeks of having many hotties in your life, you would NOT be thinking it's a big deal if they were a bore to be with, if they had a personality that you didn't like, or values that massively conflicted with yours, etc etc.

So being "direct" or "indirect" is not the issue, it's BEING a guy who REALLY is "The Man" and really does have choices, and really feels it internally as well. Now, in the beginning, you aren't at that level, but you have to at least be THINKING on that level. And responding so strongly to just a girl's looks is definitely not being on that level at all.

Once you are thinking in the right ways, then you can be direct or indirect, and they will both work. So, for example, you can go right up to her and you might still give a compliment, but a compliment that is about something you truly respect about her, from the perspective of a guy who has value, who has choices, who has high standards.

Or he can be indirect, and go up with some playful tease or intriguing comment, etc. So it's not about "direct" or "indirect" so much as it is about WHAT YOU ARE PROJECTING about yourself. And if you REALLY are a guy that has priorities in his life and has achieved that inner level of game and who also has a good grasp of the dating reality with women, you will then BE attractive in a very natural way, because everything you do flows out of the proper frame. But you have to understand what that FRAME REALLY IS to begin with.

It's not about direct or indirect or how to fake a girl out better. Once you learn to develop internally properly, and you work at it, you suddenly get these huge epiphanies as things become clear to you one major piece at a time.

I always tell guys, that the only person they are faking out when chatting with a woman is himself if he thinks it works that way.

Another example:
If you are at the gym, and you are a guy who VALUES HIS TIME, then you are not going to ruin your whole workout to chat to a chick. You might chat for a brief while, and again after you or she has finished, or maybe between sets if you are nearby each other, but otherwise you're not going to chat much during the workout.

This is not about pretending to be hard to get, it's about having priorities in life above this girl who you don't even know yet.

Here's ANOTHER key point:

***** THE TRUTH ABOUT "SHIT TESTS" *****

Another thing I wanted to mention is that if you don't have the internal development, you are going to think that EVERYTHING women do to you is a shit test. Now, mind you, when it comes to SOME women, it most definitely IS true. SOME women really are just trying to see how far they can take advantage of you, and if you don't put your foot down right away, they will attempt to control you completely.

But often, women are just assuming that YOU are as confident as you SEEM when you tease them, or they assume you must be as confident as they are, since it's a human tendency to be egocentric and think that everyone sees the world the same way you do. So a woman who is hot has no CLUE what it's like to live in a totally different reality and when she teases you playfully, she thinks it's a joke, but you might think she is being one massively insensitive person.

Important, this. This is part of the reason that most people end up with someone who is on the SAME level of insecurity or security as they are, as this way, they both communicate with the same sensitivities in their use of language and communication with each other, i.e. they treat the other person as they would want treated, which works when both people share the same concept of what is "nice" and what is not. But when you have one person who is SUPREMELY confident and thinks a tease is FUNNY and the other person thinks its cruel, it's usually problematic.

It takes a lot of inner work to GET to the point that you can communicate in the same language in way that is very INSTINCTIVE for you.

*****THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING A "PLAYER"*****

Another thing I want to mention is that you need to know what you WANT and who you ARE.

A lot of guys think they are "The Man" if they can get a lot of one night stands. Often, a guy gets hurt in a relationship, then goes around trying to get lots of lays and it makes him think he's the "Man" now. Then he finds out that getting lots of lays is not about you becoming cooler or better, it's simply about becoming congruent to the values of the girls who also like to get lots of lays!

So all that ends up happening is that the guy becomes the male equivalent of a promiscuous party girl, and I'm honestly not even judging a person for that, I'm just saying that a guy has to know what he really wants, because this stuff has nothing to do with your value as a person, it simply has to do with learning how to get what you want. But to do that, you first have to know what you REALLY want.

So a guy that wants a real girlfriend with long lasting potential, well I can tell you one thing- that the things that will bond such a girl to you are VERY different from the things that will bond a PARTY GIRL to you.

I said "bond", because the initial attraction part is similar, but the bonding and connection stuff is very different. It happens at a slower speed, and has much more grounding and connection on a deeper level, including even some LOGIC, when dealing with a woman who has long term potential than when dealing with a party girl. This is a HUGE topic, but let me just say that this is where you actually being a sophisticated and intelligent guy can really work in your favour, if you ALSO have the sexy vibe to your character as well.

The stuff that makes you "The Man" with a party girl, will eventually cause you to LOSE a quality serious girlfriend, although the very INITIAL STUFF that you do for attraction is often the same in both cases. This is a huge topic actually that really deserves it's own column.

Here's ANOTHER key point regarding how it's not about "faking" with girls but rather simply UNDERSTANDING what's going on in their minds:

*****THE ROLE OF PLAYFULNESS*****

Another thing I wanted to mention is the truth about a lot of the reason for why it's so important when doing clubs or dealing with party girls to be SUPER PLAYFUL and high energy.

If you think about it, what the heck is the connection between being playful and SEX?

Why is it so important?
Well, the reality is that for some girls, it's not an essential part of the pick-up, although of course being playful in general is a great characteristic, but in terms of it being a crucial component of the actual pickup, it's FAR MORE of an important thing when dealing with clubs and party girls.

Why?
Because even party girls have an "anti-slut defense shield" so that they don't feel cheap.

And so even though many of thee girls DO go out to clubs to meet guys for sex and one night stands, they STILL don't want to feel like sluts for it.

So, if you think about it, this is totally culturally created. But the thing is, the "antidote" that they have created is to use something ELSE that will serve as a SOCIALLY APPROVED form of interacting that can lead to sex.

Ahhh yes, enter LAUGHTER and ALCOHOL and PULSATING MUSIC and OTHER forms of sensory stimulation i.e. "FEELING GOOD", such as colorful lights, perfume, etc.

So you see, going straight out to meet a guy straight for sex, that's a social "NO-NO" even for party girls, but if a guy is just getting them LAUGHING, well THAT'S OKAY. That's socially approved still.

And if you're legal drinking age, hey THAT TOO is socially approved.

And guess what?
It's no coincidence that both LAUGHTER and ALCOHOL both serve to release a person's inhibitions, because they get you light-headed, you're not thinking.

In fact, one massive INDICATION OF INTEREST from a girl at a club is she is talking to you and she keeps on ordering drinks for herself, or she keeps on drinking a lot. She KNOWS what this will do to her, it will help her RELEASE her inhibitions.

I couldn't believe this when I first noticed it, but then I saw a pattern, and I realized this is very often a common thing when it comes to "club game".

And so, very much on purpose, the idea is that the girls will go out and absolutely engage in alcohol and laughter which ABSOLUTELY is conducive to losing control and thus being open and receptive to advancing toward SEX.

THIS is the way that the "anti-slut defence shield" is BYPASSED!

This is great for getting sex, but terrible for finding a quality girl, because all you know about her is her body and nothing about her character. I know a lot of guys will say "hey who cares" but trust me, the more you end up having choices, the more you actually become like a quality chick who is beyond clubs and really wants to meet a great guy. You end up really just wanting to meet a great girl, because it's not enough to just have the sex. You're not NEEDY, because you know you can get women, but you want a really EXCEPTIONAL woman.

And THAT leads to a totally DIFFERENT way of screening and attracting the kind of woman you WANT. For example, if you are looking for a woman who HAS some logic in her and has long term potential, then simply by screening women for those who don't drink or smoke, you immediately NUKE out the party girls, because there is no party girl on earth who doesn't drink.

It's like saying a fish without water -- the two go hand in hand very much for a very intentional reason, even if the girls don't admit it. They can't admit it, as that will ruin this whole "antidote" to the "anti-slut defence shield"!

And even this is just the TIP of the iceberg for what it takes to attract a woman of quality.

There are a lot of crucial points here that you just read that are very different from the typical "one size fits all" advice that you tend to see out there, and even the subtle differences are of major importance.

If you'd like to get the FULL PICTURE and the most COMPREHENSIVE education on the topic of pick-up and attraction, then it's time you got yourself the very BEST resource on the PLANET:

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And if you haven't yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women, then do that IMMEDIATELY. This book is the DNA for understanding the concepts and methods in all my other programs and services.

www.thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm

Till next time,
Michael

PS. If you want more information before purchasing any of my products (they come with the best personal guarantee of any ebook and CD material available online!) visit my website here: www.thedatingwizard.com

Michael W, better known as The Dating Wizard, is a dating and relationship consultant for men, as well as a frequent guest on radio and television talk shows. Michael has spent over four years studying the specific male behaviors that trigger attraction in women. His findings are based on both his real life observations of men who are successful with women, as well as his research on evolutionary psychology and its applications to sexual attraction.

His advice to men? Forget everything you’ve ever been taught about women since you were a kid. "Women don’t want a politically correct man, they want a real man. You have to unlearn all the myths and behaviors that are holding you back from success with women." To find out all about Michael, his book, and his consultation services, check out The Dating Wizard Website or call 416 630 9966.

This work is copyrighted by the author. No unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2003-2007 The Dating Wizard All Rights Reserved

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