The Nice Guy And The Halo Effect by The Dating Wizard - Michael W. FEATURED MEN'S DATING CONSULTANT AT aLoveLinksPlus.com

Michael W - The Dating Wizard: The Spell To Dating Success
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Welcome to "The Dating Wizard's: Spell To Dating Success" article series. This series of articles (below and listed on the right) are a small part of the information contained in "The Secrets To Success With Women" ebook and "The Seduction Mastery Apprentice Program" on CD/DVD.

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Michael W. (The Dating Wizard):
So I happened to have seen this movie that REMINDED me just how INSANELY tough it must be to be a guy who is living WITHOUT knowing the full deal about attraction, about women, and about the way our emotions work.

I don't know if you'll believe me, but the honest truth is that it PISSED ME OFF! You see, the movie is called "Forgetting Sarah Marshal". And in this movie, is a dude who I thought EVERYONE in the theatre would NOT be able to relate to, because to ME, his behavior seemed so LAME AND PATHETIC AND IGNORANT.

Even though this movie is a comedy, the reality is that it would not work if the audience felt this guy was CRAZY. The movie works because the reality is that there ARE many guys who can relate to his perspective.

And then it hit me. You see, I USED to think SIMILARLY!

It's ONLY because for YEARS AND YEARS now, I have been so immersed in a different way of THINKING and BEHAVING that this stuff NOW seems SO ABSOLUTELY CRAZY to me. And the fact that it does NOT seem absolutely CRAZY to me is HORRIFYING!

Honestly, I want to make that type of behavior, that type of thinking, EXTINCT!

So what was this behavior?
In the movie, this chick who is supposed to be super hot, (reality check, is that there are MANY girls like her around, HONESTLY, but the way most guys think they go crazy for any girl that is remotely attractive and shows SOME interest in them, which all comes from scarcity style thinking) and she suddenly dumps him after four years.

He goes CRAZY desperate, he becomes a total needy wreck, he tries to win her BACK, he ABANDONS his whole life, loses passion for his goals, self-esteem plummets, etc.

Now, the FIRST thing that was GLARINGLY obvious to me, is that no chick on EARTH just "suddenly" dumps a guy.

This is all part of the MYTH, the NIGHTMARE myth, that a woman who is this great person, suddenly DROPS a guy, she becomes this uncaring unfeeling person, etc.

What ACTUALLY happens is that a guy ends up falling victim to what is known as the HALO EFFECT.

The halo effect is when humans see people who are attractive or celebrities or both, they tend to think these people are BETTER than other people - more NOBLE, more honest, more intelligent, etc.

It's total emotional HOGWASH, but it happens so often and even today with all this knowledge even educated people often FALL for it. So much so that you may notice whenever you see criminals in court, they dress as well as they can to try to influence the judge or jury to come to a verdict that says he or she is innocent.

Well, at least this fricken movie SHOWS this, it shows it in a pretty intelligent way, although I wonder if every guy GOT it.

What the movie shows at first, are his MEMORIES of this woman. He keeps on TORTURING HIMSELF by remembering the "fun times" they had together. He keeps seeing her smile in his mind, he keeps remembering when they got physical, etc.

And of course, this makes him more and more sad, depressed, and frustrated!

Then, his best friend tries to help him out, tries to set him straight, and then TELLS him something STRAIGHT UP:
"Hey man, whenever she was around us, and I saw her with you, she was pretty much a bitch."

I'm paraphrasing, but that's what he said, in a heartfelt way.

His friend is trying to HELP him, but his friend is also truly being HONEST.

So what does the guy respond with?
He gets ANGRY at his friend for him saying this.

How dare his friend say this about his "great" woman!!!

So he tells OFF his friend, he tells his friend that this girl was BETTER than his friend's girlfriend!!!!

BETTER!!!

Does this make any sense?
The girl that DUMPED him, was BETTER!

Well, the truth is that unless you are TRAINED and DEVELOPED in the ways of ATTRACTION, PICK-UP, AND FULL INNER GAME, this kind of thing is VERY REALISTIC!

Because what happens is that our mind plays TRICKS on us. It's the HALO EFFECT, in FULL EFFECT.

It's not just that this guy felt his girlfriend was BEAUTIFUL, he also felt she was somehow GREAT, a great person, a wonderful person, someone he was going to MISS!!! He didn't say that his girlfriend was HOTTER, he said BETTER!!!

And yet, this IS how many guys might FEEL. All because of the HALO EFFECT.

If the guy TRULY HONESTLY FELT THAT IT WAS JUST HER LOOKS THAT WERE SUPERIOR THAN THOSE OF OTHER WOMEN, HE WOULD NOT MISS HER EVEN A FRACTION AS MUCH!!!!

But he thinks she IS somehow superior to other girls besides just her looks.

And this is what MILLIONS of guys experience all the time.

In fact, the MEMORIES we trigger when we are under the HALO effect are often FALSE MEMORIES!!

You see, EMOTIONS are INSANELY POWERFUL THINGS!!! We tend to FEEL FIRST, and then we RATIONALIZE those feelings as being APPROPRIATE FEELINGS. We give REASONS for those feelings, reasons that FEEL right!

In reality though, the FEELINGS usually have NOTHING TO DO with the reasons we give for them!!!

NOTHING.

In fact, very often, the reasons we give for the feelings are not only wrong, they are HORRIFYING WRONG, they are the FARTHEST FROM THE TRUTH!

So, for example, because the guy feels ATTRACTION and feels she is GOOD (all due to the halo effect), he then has SELECTIVE MEMORY, to ONLY REMEMBER the GOOD things, no Matter how tiny they were (Such as her "smiling"! I mean who DOES NOT smile ever???? And what the heck is valuable in a smile, it could be she is smiling for totally selfish
reasons!)

Not only that, if a guy feels strong enough about a woman, he may even CREATE memories that never EXISTED, he will WARP the past into it being something more special than it was!

Our brains do this because we think there is NO WAY that we can feel so good about something or someone that was NOT GOOD!

Eventually, in the movie, he slowly starts to REGAIN some ACCURACY in his memories, and it's no coincidence that THESE MEMORIES are triggered once he REGAINS his self-esteem!

Suddenly then, he starts to REMEMBER all the TOTAL SH*&&T things she did to him!

And this brings me to a massive point:
The whole problem in the FIRST PLACE started because he himself was not feeling the kind of self-esteem that every man deserves to experience. He was doing work that he hated, he had vague dreams of creating a rock opera that he was not putting into action, and his whole attitude toward his own life SUCKED.

The ONLY thing he had going on that seemed cool was this chick who was an actress, decently attractive, etc.

And SHE became his source of self-esteem.

Again, not just because of her attractiveness, but because the HALO effect ALSO made him view her as smart, noble, good, virtuous, special, etc.

And so having HER in his life made HIM feel that HE was special. And he NEEDED it so badly that he was OBLIVIOUS to the REALITY that indeed she WAS a shallow, selfish, emotionally and intellectually void beeee-yotch!

He NEEDED her so badly, because his own reservoir of self-esteem was running on EMPTY.

He had nothing INTERNAL to base his own self-esteem ON.

And even when his friend was telling him to get to work on that rock opera, all he did was say he couldn't because he was heartbroken. Yet, by ignoring his self, his own identity, his own self-esteem plummeted FURTHER, leaving him even MORE vulnerable to the halo effect and selective memory and being desperate for her.

And even when he slept with many women, it didn't help, because HE still felt empty about HIMSELF inside. HE still felt SHE was the special one, because for YEARS AND YEARS, he had unwittingly brainwashed himself into believing this!!!

It's only when he meets ANOTHER WOMAN who is EMOTIONALLY MORE INTELLIGENT THAN HE IS, that things begin to slowly CHANGE.

This new woman, well her self-esteem is INTERNALLY driven. She is not all about having celebrity pet care centers and about being famous and glitzy, she does not need to have validation from everyone around her to be happy, and she doesn't need to be rewarded for being a good and happy person, she does it because she FEELS GOOD doing it. Her self esteem is SKYROCKETING.

And she encourages HIM to grow this way as well. She even devises a sly but loving method of getting him to FORCE HIMSELF to take action on his dreams and goals.

And all this stuff helps him REALIZE that what he was REALLY SEARCHING for all this time was not his ex-girlfriend, but HIMSELF. He had LOST HIMSELF before he even MET the beee-yotch, so he was a perfect target for optimum destruction when the beee-yotch met him. And yet all those years he was HAPPY to be with her, he felt she was the GREATEST thing that happened to him.

And yet, the new woman, who he is attracted to as well, cannot do MAGIC. So a certain amount of emotional growing has to come from him and him only. This is his real mission.

He fails this mission, because when the beey-otch comes running back to him after her new boyfriend cheats on her (and after her new boyfriend can't take her selfish behavior because it gets in the way of him continuing his own selfish rotten behavior) and after her TV show gets cancelled, he actually makes the horrible mistake of becoming weak and fooling around with her a bit even though he stops half way and regrets it horribly.

However, it's still enough damage to cause the new awesome woman he's met to lose respect for him. Which makes sense, because really what he has done has shown her that his self-esteem is SO WEAK, that HE IS WEAK.

This is why I HATE it when "nice guys" get associated with characters like the guy in the movie.

This guy doesn't lose the initial girl because he's NICE. He loses her because he's too weak to see that he shouldn't have been with her in the first place and he's too weak to see that he needs to develop himself INSIDE first!

This isn't nice.
This isn't good.
It's pathetic.

When a woman says "Are you strong enough to be my man", she doesn't mean are you a bad boy!!!! She means, are you a good guy and STRONG about it, are you a good man who is STRONG about his goodness, or will he need validation and will he need to pretend to be a pimp or playa or alpha idiot who is so scared inside that he can't even tell the difference between an amazing woman who treats him well and a woman that treats him like garbage.

It's only when he FULLY REALIZES and FULLY GROWS inside, when he become strong enough to have NO DOUBTS about what really is important, is he able to truly win the girl who is beautiful and a fantastic person as well.

So, this movie wasn't actually bad at all. But it was a WAKE-UP call to me that reminded me the things I take for granted now are only because I was lucky enough to LEARN all this stuff so that this movie seemed ABSURD to me.

I want there to be a day when this movie seems ABSURD to EVERY MAN ON EARTH.

And that will ONLY happen if every man on EARTH gets the message and is willing to put in the WORK to DEVELOP the internal skills and external skills regarding attraction, self-esteem, emotion, and charisma.

Don't let yourself be like the guy in the movie who is so IMMERSED in the ILLUSIONS that are destroying him, that FIVE YEARS go by and even his BEST FRIEND cannot help him when he is pleading and trying so hard to wake him UP from the insanity.

If YOU want to get the FASTEST PATH to REDEEMING your PRESENT and to redeeming your FUTURE with women, so that you waste NO TIME at all, then you OWE it to yourself to get my MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM at:
www.thedatingwizard.com/seductionmastery.htm

This is NO B.S. "feeling good" program. Trust me, I HATE it when I see people who go around doing nothing but just pumping people up, but then actually giving NOTHING valuable to actually CHANGE their reality.

That's why you don't hear me talking about magic or shamans or airy-fairy stuff. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, but it's not what ***I*** believe in. It's not enough to be a good guy. You ALSO need to be charismatic, and you ALSO need to be emotionally wise.

Otherwise, you're just asking for weak results.

With this program, you'll quickly see that learning and developing yourself in the ways I will show you will change your entire LIFE at the very SAME time it changes your life with women, because attracting a woman has nothing to do with changing her, it has to do with changing yourself. These changes will then affect EVERYTHING in your life.

You'll see immediate changes in your life with women, and then notice a wonderful change in everything else as well.
Again, it's at:
www.thedatingwizard.com/seductionmastery.htm

And if you haven't done so already, download my eBook NOW.

I wrote this book ESPECIALLY for guys who are just starting out. It's definitely the place to start before moving on to my advanced mastery programs.
It's at:
www.thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm

To find out about my LIVE coaching services, go to: www.thedatingwizard.com
Till next time,
Michael

PS. If you want more information before purchasing any of my products (they come with the best personal guarantee of any ebook and CD material available online!) visit my website here: www.thedatingwizard.com

Michael W, better known as The Dating Wizard, is a dating and relationship consultant for men, as well as a frequent guest on radio and television talk shows. Michael has spent over four years studying the specific male behaviors that trigger attraction in women. His findings are based on both his real life observations of men who are successful with women, as well as his research on evolutionary psychology and its applications to sexual attraction.

This work is copyrighted by the author. No unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2003-2008 The Dating Wizard All Rights Reserved

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