Michael W - The Dating Wizard: The Spell To Dating Success
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- Go beyond rote line memorization and understand the difference of dating
and of being "The Man" when it comes to seducing women.
Welcome to "The Dating Wizard's: Spell To Dating Success" article series.
This series of articles (below and listed on the right) are a small part of the information contained in "The Secrets To Success With Women" ebook and "The Seduction Mastery Apprentice Program" on CD/DVD.
For more information visit The Dating Wizard Website
***LETTER FROM A READER***
Hi Michael,
I haven't wrote to you in a little while but reading your news letter
religiously :)
Bro, I have a question for you and I thought you might be the only one who'd be able to explain it to me...
What is jealousy and why do a lot of guys experience it? is it something we're missing? is it low self esteem or is it a trust issue?
I'm so lost and can't understand why I feel the way I feel. I'm a
good looking guy and have a lot of things going for me but for some
reason I find myself pretty jealous with girl I truly care for....why is
that??? and how can I stop it?
Samuel, Canada
Michael W. >>>My Response<<<
This is a topic I go into full detail on in my Seduction Mastery
program, and it's something that EVERY GUY should know, otherwise we are
all walking time-bombs that will ruin any potential with any woman,
GUARANTEED.
But before I go any further, let me first state that this is an issue that a LOT of women have as well, so mastering an understanding of this is something that will not only help you develop your own charisma, but will also help you understand the woman you are with, which will be very useful as well.
Now, the reality is that jealousy IS a very HUMAN emotion, so nobody should feel like it's something evil that they should NEVER feel, at ALL, ever, etc.
We're living in a very crazy society that likes to pretend that jealousy is something that is not a force to be reckoned with at all. There's no respect for the fact we are HUMAN in this way, so what happens is that people do all kinds of crazy stuff that ruins the trust between two people.
There's a great book on this by David M. Buss, professor of psychology at The University of Texas at Austin, known for his evolutionary psychology research on human sex differences in mate selection. The book is called "The Dangerous Passion -Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex".
To be blunt, if we couldn't feel ANY jealousy at ALL, we wouldn't have any chemistry either. We could say goodbye to the human race then.
So, when I see couples constantly TREADING on dangerous waters, I know they are playing with fire, and it almost ALWAYS ends up disastrous.
Jealousy is powerful enough as it is, it requires RESPECT and wisdom to deal with it and prevent it. The worst thing is when people think they are all above it -- then they end up being unprepared for it when it hits them like a brick wall.
Since jealousy is an EMOTION and not always rational, it's important to realize that although two people should not be OBSESSIVE about preventing it, they SHOULD keep in mind how their behavior would affect the other person and how the other person's behavior would affect them, and thus practice the golden rule of treating the other person the way they themselves would want to be treated.
Now, to dig a little deeper here:
The question then becomes is this something that is an ongoing issue.
Then it's a problem.
Jealousy is nothing but SOCIAL PROOF of someone ELSE'S value, to the point that we question our OWN value in comparison.
If you are interested in a woman in a romantic/sexual/loving way, then of course you must feel that HER choosing to be with YOU is meaningful to you. Her choice to be with you is meaningful because it helps validate your own sense of worth.
You VALUE her feelings on your worth because you feel she is desirable herself. So you feel she is an "authority" on who is desirable.
So, in this case, if she were to VALUE someone ELSE more, then it would mean to you that he must have GREATER value.
And it will mean to you that YOU must be LESS valuable than him, all because HE was "socially proofed" by HER!
You might not think anything of him otherwise, but now that SHE likes him, you think somehow he's special. Total living example of social proof.
And from an evolutionary perspective, this got people motivated to work harder to get the attention of that person- which would be fine if you were an ass to her and needed that to get you jump-started, but would be bad if you already were treating her well and she was using this to get you to kiss up to her.
So it all boils down to how YOU feel about your SELF even when there are massive external social forces acting upon you.
Now, here's the thing:
Any woman who is PLAYING jealousy games on a guy is CLEARLY psychotic,
and thus her opinions on who is desirable and who is not are obviously
NOT worth much.
And a woman who really IS interested in someone else would not be spending her time with YOU unless you were somehow giving her millions of dollars or something like that. And you can tell by the way a woman is with you 24/7 how she really feels.
Most importantly, your value does not CHANGE one IOTA no matter what ANYONE says or does, you will remain the same person no matter what.
So, if you are feeling jealous ever, all you have to do is ask yourself if the woman is playing a game or if it's you having a wrong reaction.
If it's her playing a game, then usually she is bad news and should be dumped.
And if it's you reacting to your own insecurities, (such as having some woman from years ago cheat on you, or mistreat you, or maybe it was something you saw that happened to your parents) then you need to work on yourself and realize that this issue is just one of many PAPER TIGERS that tend to DESTROY people's love lives even though there is no real current issue at all.
We become over-cautious and we start seeing NON-EXISTENT threats everywhere that remind us of the very thing we fear most, we so badly don't want to get burned again so we keep on looking for any threat so that we can prevent it--yet this is actually more likely to CAUSE it.
And so you have to shake yourself out of it, go do something physical, hit the gym, whatever, but DON'T rely on the jealousy for what you REALLY should be feeling or doing.
Paper Tigers are the fears that exist in our HEADS only and have no concrete realities except for the fact that we create SELF-FULFILLING prophecies by creating the very problem we want to avoid.
So by being so afraid that a woman desires someone else, a guy ends up not trusting her, and being mean to her, and thus pushing her away, destroying the relationship and then she has to meet somebody else to get the emotions she needs.
Similarly, of course, women do this to men all the time. They make the PAPER TIGERS in their head become REAL.
So for example, one issue with some women is they grow up hearing all this HOGWASH about how men want to CONTROL women, which is HOGWASH, because most guys are really TOO NICE and actually just want a good woman to respect them and they will respect the woman back.
And because some women BELIEVE IN THIS HOGWASH, they end up being obsessed with "not being controlled" and they tend to see anything the guy says or does as some type of "control" tactic. The woman may out of nowhere see some paper tiger threat to her independence and REACT in a way that makes no sense, for example, by threatening to do or actually doing something that is a little sketchy that she would not have done had she NOT had INSECURITY ISSUES in this department.
But, because she has now DONE THINGS to GIVE the guy a reason to NOT trust her 100%, he DOES start to feel a need to start creating more "rules".
She has now done things that WILL make him feel jealous or at least insecure, but she has brought it upon herself, by doing things that had they been done to her, would have made HER feel jealous as well.
So now the whole trust thing is screwed up.
It's really weird, how some people think it's GOOD to make the other person feel insecure, as if this will be a way to CONTROL that person. All it really does is make that person go nuts and retaliate with equal vigor, thereby eroding the trust further.
Jealousy IS a terribly destructive force, and so couples should do everything reasonable they can to avoid it's destructive path.
And all this because SHE saw a paper tiger called "controlling men" that really was NOT an issue with the guy -- she just feared it so badly that she behaved as if was real, and thus treated him as if he were that terrible guy, and thus she made her own fear come true by making him retaliate in the exact same way!
She CREATED the VERY problem she wanted to avoid.
This is why it's of PARAMOUNT importance that you not only find out what YOUR Paper Tigers are, but that she ALSO finds out what HER Paper Tigers are, or you will both end up CREATING the very problem you wish to AVOID.
Whatever your insecurities are, you must BECOME AWARE OF THEM FIRST.
PAY ATTENTION to the emotions you are feeling when interacting with a woman and find out where they came from. Usually, these issues are NO LONGER relevant, but we continue to live as if they ARE.
Are you afraid this woman will use you for money? Why do you feel this way? Did some woman do this to you before?
Don't be cheap with a woman because of that, or she will be more likely to feel the need to TEST to see if you are cheap or not, which of course, you will end up seeing as "proof" that she is just out to use you for money.
Are you afraid that a woman will laugh at you for something? Where did this come from? If you are afraid of that, you may end up constantly berating yourself in ways that she would NEVER have imagined or you might see her laughing at anything as somehow being her laughing in a mean way at you. THAT will cause a woman to think you're weird and maybe THAT will be something she tells to her friends as a funny story.
So whatever the heck it is, FIND OUT and realize that these things are usually NOTHING, they are just Paper Tigers that FEEL like ROARING LIONS.
And make sure that the woman you are with isn't getting out her own Paper Tiger issues with YOU, or at least use your intelligence to gently and TACTFULLY discover her Paper Tigers, and let her know what HER Paper Tiger issues are, so that she can dismantle them and prevent screwing up her future with YOU.
This is all just the tip of the iceberg. If you want the FULL GOODS on the EMOTIONAL DYNAMICS of dating, attraction, and pick-up, then there's only one thing to do, and do IMMEDIATELY:
Get my Seduction Mastery Apprenticeship Program and finally have all the mysteries of dating CLEARED UP once and for all. From what to do when you first see a woman you'd like to approach all the way to KEEPING her crazy about you long term, it's all inside and explained in CRYSTAL CLEAR detail.
It's at:
www.thedatingwizard.com/seductionmastery.htm
If this is your first time here, go to:
www.thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm
Till next time,
Michael
