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Michael W - The Dating
Wizard: The Spell To Dating Success
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Beautiful! This article is a small part of the information contained in the
ebook "The Dating Wizard: Secrets To Success With Women". You will learn how
to reclaim your masculinity and show the confidence that you've seen in guys
that are popular, and successful, with women. For samples and more
information visit
The Dating Wizard Website When it comes to women,
remember this: Sex is great, but validation is even better. What does
that have to do with being successful with women?
EVERYTHING.
It's actually quite simple to understand:
If you had gorgeous babes knocking down your door every day, I can
GUARANTEE you that the ONE chick that you'd be MOST CRAZY about would
be the ONE who DID NOT bang down on your door.
Why?
The answer is because those other chicks might in REALITY be just as
great, but because of the way the mind works, you would wonder why the
heck you couldn't get the ONE who was NOT so crazy about you.
It would eat at your soul.
You might start to ask "Am I not hot enough for her?" or, "Does she
find something about me repulsive?" or, "Is she special or something?"
or, "What is her problem???!! I'm going to MAKE her like me, damn it,
if it's the last thing I do!!!"
And you might go through great lengths to get her. You might find out
what she's into, you might find out where she hangs out, etc. All that
time, you would be passing UP the great sex you could be having with
all the gorgeous babes at your DOOR.
Because VALIDATION is GREATER than sex. It's MORE fulfilling. You
would most likely start to feel there is something SUPERIOR about that
ONE chick, and you would feel the NEED to get HER approval.
You would feel the need to VALIDATED by her.
And almost the MOMENT you GOT that difficult chick, (if you got her,
because all that chasing, if she found out, would turn her off!) you
would start to appreciate her LESS. You would start to notice her
faults, etc.
It might seem awesome at FIRST, and the sex might even seem greater
than it really is with her, because you would be getting VALIDATED by
the act. At first. But once you got it, you longer need to get it,
right?
But "got it just don't get it", right?
If all this sounds hard to
believe, trust me, it's TRUE. It's hard for most guys to fathom this,
because it seems so far out of their reality. But it's CRUCIAL to
realize all this. The only way that this would NOT happen to you is if
you were a rare person who was so logical that you KNEW the process
was happening to you and playing you for a fool.
Now, if you just realize
that for an attractive chick, most of them anyway, they have spent
their LIVES getting validated based on their looks alone. That's why a
guy that kisses up to them based on their looks is so meaningless to
them. Yet at the same time, for a woman, if a guy DOES NOT seem to be
into her looks, it's like pulling the earth out from under her feet.
It's a totally INVALIDATING experience for her, and for attractive
women in general. Makes them feel like they are not worthy to be on
this earth.
Most attractive girls start to go nuts when this happens. It's like
you are shaking apart their entire reality, the reality they have so
firmly believed for all of their life until NOW.
This is SO SCARY for most chicks, that they will immediately start to
try to make reality "make sense again" by trying to PLEASE you, so
that you WILL kiss up to them, so that things can go back to "normal".
And in fact, a woman will AUTHENTICALLY start to desire you, because
she REALLY does value your approval now!
Remember, VALIDATION is GREATER than sex.
Listen, a lot of guys have known this forever, they just didn't want
to tell you or maybe they thought you wouldn't believe them anyway!
Chicks are not like guys- Guys have learned to live and to grow
certain character traits because we have not been ass-kissed. When a
guy breaks up with a chick, he tends to think about it for a while,
trying to figure things out for the present and to learn a lesson for
the future. He's still somewhat logical.
But for many chicks, when they break up, they are too lazy and spoiled
to deal with the negative emotion in a productive way- so they go and
get laid by a few guys immediately. I've spoken with literally
hundreds of girls about this- I'm not saying every girl is like this,
but the general term is, and I quote: "shedding old skin".
Yup.
Isn't that sweet.
These are really just euphemisms, or rather CODEWORDS for: "DESPERATE
NEED TO BOOST LOW SELF ESTEEM"
AKA: Desperate need to get RE-VALIDATED.
Now, at this point, I want to make something clear:
I do not hold all women in contempt for all of this.
Our society has allowed this to happen, in the same way a child will
be affected if his parents provide no guidance and no strong sense of
self-esteem.
I also want to clearly point out that there are a rare handful of
women who are exceptions, but they are EXTREME EXCEPTIONS and not even
remotely the rule.
Often, their personality has been spared the ravaging effects of our
culture because religion somehow played a healthy role in their lives-
not repressive, but healthy in the sense of providing some balance to
today's society where 13-year-old girls dress up in mini-skirts and
bitch boots. Often though, religion has a negative effect on people
because it's taught in a way that makes them feel guilty for even
having sexual desire, which is pretty crazy if you think about it.
If you meet one of these RARE exceptions, please make sure to write in
and share with us your story.
Also, as guys, we definitely have our share of guys who are dumbasses
and users/abusers, etc. However, I believe based on over four years of
experience, observation, and candid interviews with thousands of men
and women, that the percentage of guys who lie, cheat and abuse is
less than women.
With guys, there seems to be a huge gap between the "good guys" and
the "jerks". Either guys are completely clueless, or they seem to be
very aware and even "players" themselves. Very little happy medium-
very few guys who know the score but who are not "players". Maybe it's
because once guys find out how badly they have been had, they go to
the other extreme.
But don't quote me on that- it's an unscientific study based on my
observation.
Onward:
Guys tend to have a far stronger sense of SELF esteem. Guys will do
what they believe regardless of what their friends think. I have
friends at the gym, friends at work, friends at school, and we argue
sometimes, but we are FACE TO FACE about it, and we totally accept
each other, and we don't feel some kind of lack of self-worth if we
don't fit in to each other's mould. And if we disagree, we tell each
other to each other's faces "no, man, that's bull****" and laugh, and
we are, relatively, COOL with that.
We DON'T NEED each other to agree in order to feel self-esteem. In
order to feel validated.
But it's amazing how women are so different. They will, even among
their own girlfriends, be BURNING with jealousies, and DESPISE each
other, but yet MAINTAIN the illusion that they are best friends, and
in fact sometimes when they REALLY despise each other, they will even
act NICER to each other to help REPRESS their own feelings.
Can you believe that?
If a chick is jealous of another chick for having a certain boyfriend,
she will often act even NICER to her girlfriend, all the while
SEETHING inside.
What does that tell you?
What it tells you is that there is an ENORMOUS PRESSURE to fit in with
their social circle, and that their OWN feelings, their OWN ideas, are
NOT significant. They are to be kept to themselves.
What does that tell you about their self-esteem?
It tells you that it's gutter low.
It also tells you that women will do ANYTHING to fit in to whatever
social pressure is placed on them. If it's "COOL" to hang out in
clubs, that's what they'll do. If it's cool to dabble in the bible and
kabbala since the "holy" Madonna is doing it, then THAT'S cool. Etc.
My point is that women are extremely malleable and will do ANYTHING if
they are made to feel it's the socially cool thing to do. The idea of
standing out, of NOT being accepted, is PETRIFYING to them.
The great irony is that being cool is all about being original, yet
all most chicks do is follow whatever everyone else who is "cool" is
doing- like ZOMBIES. In other words, there is an absolute
contradiction happening.
Also, when women feel like they are in a place where there is NO risk
of social disapproval, i.e. in private, they will go NUTS and do just
about ANYTHING crazy just to let go of all that repression. So what
does all this have to do with attracting women?
Simple: You must learn to DANGLE the carrot of validation to a woman
without actually giving it to her completely. Once you give it to her
completely, she no longer needs you and will stop treating you as she
did prior to getting validation from you.
This might sound Machiavellian, but it's the truth.
A woman will tell you she is MADLY in love with you, and MEAN IT, and
be the sweetest woman on earth. Then, if you give her full validation,
it will quickly all disappear.
Also, once you have a woman in private, better help her unleash her
repression!
This is REALPOLITIK.
And in fact, all we're doing by this is helping to restore BALANCE to
the dynamics between men and women. Helping fill in the gaps (no pun
intended) and actually help women get some balance back in their
lives. A BALANCE that was lost in the last few decades. (although
there were a couple of good things that happened too.)
BALANCE is always a good thing. I'm not for causing pain to women, I'm
for causing harmony between men and women.
The GREATEST gift you can give any woman is your validation that you
feel she is WORTHY of you.
But guess what???
Most guys give this validation over to a woman before the guys even
open their MOUTH.
It's in their body language, their tonality, down to the most
microscopic details, it's all given away before they even approach the
woman.
Can you imagine that?
Giving over your GREATEST GIFT to a woman before you even know a THING
about her?????
That's INSANE!!!
Of course, at one point or another, we were all guilty of doing this,
we had no idea what was really going on. The world of women isn't all
Mr. Roger's Neighborhood if you know what I mean. So let's talk a bit
about the practical side to all this:
As soon as you meet a woman, I can GUARANTEE you that she will be
trying to CONTROL THE FRAME between you and her. She will immediately
begin attempting to do everything on HER TERMS.
And I DO mean AS SOON AS YOU MEET HER.
Yup.
And it really will never stop completely.
Let me give you some examples:
She might tell you where to sit if you've invited her to join you for
coffee.
She might tell you she doesn't give emails or numbers out, but she'll
take yours.
She might tell you to "be a "sweetie" and bring her x,y,z from the
counter".
She might tell you SHE wants to do this or that, and if you suggest
something else, she might put it down.
If you are have just approached her, and started to chat her up, she
might tell you "are you a player?" i.e. controlling the frame that she
is immaculate and you are scum, so you better start getting all
apologetic and kiss her butt now type of thing.
That last one above is really funny, because women hang out at clubs
and shake their butt and tell everyone they just want to dance, and
that guys are pigs, meanwhile the reality is that if there were no
guys at the club, women wouldn't ever go. Because then there would be
NO VALIDATION--- no guys to OGLE and WATCH them shake their butts!!!!!
Isn't that the ultimate in validation- when women have guys validating
them all night at a club, and then blowing the guy off if he
approaches them as if he's total dirt.
If you ever approach a woman in a club, withhold all the validation
stuff, instead just strike up a fun conversation, or tease her on her
outfit, and in fact if she seems to be treating you great, you should
realize that this might just be a trap to get you to kiss her ass. So,
what you should do is tease her that you are not that easy if she
thinks being nice to you will get her somewhere!
And if she tells you that you could be a real "sweetie" if you bought
her and her friends some drinks, you should just laugh and tell her
"you're not that type of guy" and let HER wonder just what you meant
by that. Then keep on chatting.
But enough about clubs, because women are EVERYWHERE. The fact is, no
matter where you meet a woman, and no matter what stage you are in
with her, you MUST control the frame.
Ahhh, I can hear someone asking. You mean you can NEVER EVER EVER let
a woman have things her way?
Okay, fine, tell you what:
For every TEN TIMES you have your way, let her have her way ONCE, and
then give her a wink when you do it.
When you finally give a woman what she wants, create a NEW need for
validation by showing her in a fun way that you don't kiss up: i.e.
you give her the present she wanted, and then you bust on her about
something else.
Be smooth about taking control- women are VERY smooth at ensuring they
do get things done their way. I'll give you an example- let's say a
woman wants to go to x restaurant and you want to go to y café. She
might say something to you like "So do you want to go to x restaurant
at 8 or at 7:30?" In other words, a loaded question- she is pretending
that no other options exist.
Yeah, this happens all the time with most women.
You have to learn to speak UP, and STOP smooth moves like this from
surreptitiously taking over your frame. You might think that a woman
would LIKE it when you give her what she wants. You might think that a
woman would LIKE to be validated.
But what guys forget is that once someone HAS something, they don't
appreciate it. AND once someone has something, they tend to want MORE.
So giving women what they want only digs you deeper into the abyss of
abuse.
Not only that, but women are SICK of guys who just want to do what
women want- because the reality is that women really have NO IDEA OF
WHAT THEY WANT!!!
Ask a woman what she wants:
She'll tell you a nice guy. And then see what type of men she has
actually gone with.
See? Women have NO IDEA of what they really want. They are confused as
hell. They need a guy who has a very CLEAR idea of what HE wants and
who won't budge from his principles.
So be even SMOOTHER than women are, for both women's benefit and your
own.
By the way, don't get me wrong:
I don't advocate being an a**hole with women. If you saw or heard me
speaking with a woman, you'd notice that both she and I were probably
laughing more than anything, and also just having an interesting
conversation and sometimes just kicking back and not saying anything
at all. It's hard in the space of these newsletters to convey all the
subtle details of how I communicate with women. There is a ton more
that I explain in my book, consultations, and seminars to
help speed up the learning process.
Let me wrap up by saying that most importantly, I believe guys need to
learn to NOT REQUIRE validation from anyone, ESPECIALLY not from
chicks.
The way to acquire this is to spend your time doing productive things
and on improving your SELF. And spending time with unselfish people
that really care about you. And enjoy the feeling of accomplishing
your own personal goals.
Use that sexual energy on positive things, instead of on trying to
prove to a chick how great you are. If anything, let women find out
themselves how great you are after it becomes insanely obvious.
This helps set you in the mindframe of living in YOUR WORLD, according
to YOUR rules, and not some chick's. In time, you will find yourself
feeling a lot stronger and more comfortable and satisfied in your own
skin.
Which, by the way, is very, very sexy to women.
Ironic, huh?
When you stop needing women, they flock to you.
When you are needy, women run from you.
Especially since women themselves have a very shaky sense of
foundation and self-esteem, it feels good to them to meet someone who
knows what's what, who is NOT confused, and who stands their ground.
Unfortunately, a lot of women actually feel that they are not WORTHY
of such awesome emotions as being with a high self-esteem guy who
doesn't take crap.
That's why a lot of low self-esteem women end up with low self-esteem
guys.
And women can sense neediness in a guy from a mile away because so
many guys hit on them that women have a ton of experience with this.
Think of it as a job recruiter who sees hundreds of applicants a day.
After a while, he sees immediately certain signs that tell him whether
the applicant is most likely qualified or not.
Your internal level on non-neediness must be SOLID. It is then that
you can best convey that reality through your tonality, your body
language, the actual words you say as well as when you say them, and
even how you dress. At the same time, "faking it till you make it"
also helps get you to that point.
 That's why even when women are running to you like crazy, don't take
it too seriously, because they didn't make you or break you, and if
you allow your mind to think that women have that power over you, they
will. So don't allow it, and they won't.
If you would like to learn more about how women behave, how to attract
women, how to approach them, and how to develop the right mindset, I
recommend you download my eBook- The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success
with Women.
It will take you through all the steps you need to build a rock solid
foundation for your success.
Download it now at:
The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women book page
Till next time,
Michael W. |
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