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Michael W - The Dating
Wizard: The Spell To Dating Success
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Beautiful! This article is a small part of the information contained in the
ebook "The Dating Wizard: Secrets To Success With Women". You will learn how
to reclaim your masculinity and show the confidence that you've seen in guys
that are popular, and successful, with women. For samples and more
information visit
The Dating Wizard Website I have a confession
to make:
I’m not thrilled with the state of affairs in much of the dating
guru landscape.
So this article is for anyone who is confused by the mass
downloading of “be a jerk” mentality that has crept up all over the
place, and the general vibe I feel of guys putting the whole getting
physical thing as the obsessed drive in their life.
A recent letter provides an excellent method for me to address the
issues.
**LETTER FROM A READER OF THE E-BOOK**
I am currently re-reading your book and it IS SO AWESOME!! It is
like you wrote the book especially for me. I am taking this SO
seriously. I am SO motivated to be the best I can be at this. I
really think this book is the answer!!
As I am reading the book, I am making some notes in a journal. I
hope you don't mind, but I want to ask you some things. My apologies
if some seem a little direct. It is not meant to be rude, just
questions in my head that when answered will help my progress.
1) On page 32, you mention “Take charge and don't give a damn what
women say. WOMEN ONLY LOVE MEN WHO DON'T LISTEN TO THEM". Is this
really true all of the time? Won't that piss them off and make you
seem like a real prick? Shouldn't you listen sometimes?
2) I read somewhere that having the cocky attitude and the right
sense of humor is bad for your game when you use direct game and
“Alpha” body language. It seems that you are a serious proponent of
the cocky attitude and the right sense of humor. Therefore I am
confused as to which method is best. I should say that I get GREAT
response when I use this method as it suits my personal style and
personality”
3. What about Love? What about Teamwork in a loving relationship?
How is this a factor?
4. “How did you learn all this? Real-life experience? Readings?
Courses?”
5. “What about 'Romance' and 'Romancing a girl', while still being
the 'MAN". Is this possible?”
6. How do I know your right? How can I be sure? There are a lot of
other theories out there.
7. If I know a girl that is taken (boyfriend, married, etc.), should
I hang around with her in the hopes that she will "tell her hot
single friends about me? And/or set me up with them? "You know ____,
I have a friend that ......." Is this possible or just a load of
crap from women?
MY SPELL:
Whew, lotsa questions. I want to REALLY clear this stuff up:
On your first question about “Take charge and don't give a damn what
women say. WOMEN ONLY LOVE MEN WHO DON'T LISTEN TO THEM". Is this
really true all of the time? Won't that piss them off and make you
seem like a real prick? Shouldn't you listen sometimes?”
The most important thing to remember regarding the material you read
in the book is the CONTEXT in which it is set. And that context is
reality. In reality, most guys are "other-directed" and not
self-directed.
THEY WILL GET ON THEIR HANDS AND KNEES FOR A WOMAN, which they
mistake as being NICE.
This is NOT NICE, this is actually being very MEAN to a woman,
because you are basically telling her that she does not deserve the
TRULY QUALITY GUY, but instead she should be with you, the guy who
KNOWS HE IS NOT QUALITY, but will try to compensate for it by
kissing her butt and throwing his own worth and dignity out the
window.
NOT NICE AT ALL.
Very unattractive.
Makes her feel REPULSED.
BUT this does NOT mean that the answer is to be a jerk.
You see, most guys will do whatever they think will work to get a
woman to like them. But that's not even the worst of it. What's
worse, is the GENERAL MENTALITY of being other-directed, not just
regarding women, but regarding giving in to pressure by others, to
do things just in order to "fit in".
Then you have guys who do nothing but rebel for the very purpose of
rebelling, which is pointless as well. In fact, that too is being
other directed, for it is over compensating against the influence of
others, it is again a form of lack of free thought and independence.
When a guy is OTHER directed, he is showing
WEAKNESS.
And that creates the WRONG vibe.
It's NOT attractive.
And when a guy acts like a selfish prick, that shows weakness as
well, because it shows FEAR of being normal.
Almost as if to say "you can't reject me because I'm rejecting you
first".
This is why I really am
not too pleased with a lot of the "be an ALPHA male" or “be an Alpha
Man” preaching going on these days. In fact, subtleties DO make a
difference, and the guys who plagiarize my stuff never seem to do it
just right, lol.
The truth is, if you go up to a woman with a whole big ALPHA
BULL@#$% attitude, you won’t get very far. I’d like to see these
guys for REAL do the alpha bull^%$# on women. When I take guys out
to real places to pick up women in my workshops, we actually come
across as almost anything BUT this big Alpha Attitude. We are fun,
we are intriguing, or we are laid back, or we are upbeat, but we
AIN’T COMING ACROSS AS THESE “ALPHA” ^%HOLES!!!!
This why I prefer to say “be THE MAN”.
THE MAN brings to mind an image of a guy who is COMPLETE, he is not
a jerk, he is not a nice guy, he is not cold, he is not OBSESSED
with getting laid, he has a full life and other things as well which
are far more important.
He is truly THE MAN.
He knows BALANCE.
The idea of being The Man also brings to mind the idea of being
MASCULINE, in a world men have been made to fear any type of
socializing with women lest they be accused of sexual harassment. So
we have a breed of guys acting like women, and then we as a society
wonder why guys are having problems with this thing called
attraction.
Back to the identity thing:
It's very very very important to your long term success in general
and with women to have a firm hold on who you are, which is very
much a product of your values, and also who you want to be.
Notice how little this has to do with outside forces, it has to do
with your IDENTITY.
When you have a clear sense of your own values and your own
identity, built on KNOWLEDGE and not on EMOTIONAL TANTRUMS or
IGNORANCE, you become very very strong.
And that, just happens to be a very powerful ATTRACTIVE force, not
only for women, but for everything and everyone.
It all boils down to the same thing- power and vitality. And clarity
of purpose, of identity, of values, is extremely powerful.
Especially when it is built on knowledge and not just on emotions.
Soooo, given all that, it's important to understand that I am
referring to the way 99.99 percent of guys behave. They get CAUGHT
UP in the psychological vortex of a WOMAN'S attractive force, which
is actually a sign of weak values and weak identity.
And weakness is NOT attractive. Attraction always boils down to
superiority, but most guys have no clue what superiority even is.
One thing it most certainly isn't is a weak identity. The ONLY
reason why jerks seem to get ahead of "nice" guys is because they at
least have SOME identity, where the "nice" guy is willing to become
anyone to make a woman happy.
The truth however, is that you can be a GOOD guy who has SELF ESTEEM
and conviction in himself and his identity and that would be A
TRILLION TIMES more attractive than any "jerk".
In fact, I feel sorry for all the dating gurus out there who keep
promoting the notion of being a jerk to get ahead with women. The
fact of the matter is that being a jerk to a woman will only yield
short term results, and usually only with women that have low self
esteem.
The other “smoke and mirrors” that a lot of guys are forgetting is
that while some guys think their being a jerk got them somewhere
with a woman, in fact, the woman knew all along the guy was
PRETENDING to be a jerk in order to get sex, and she was laughing to
herself all along and going along with the plan so that the guy
would feel he was EARNING her, and that she was not easy, for after
all, the guy had to WORK HARD at being a jerk.
Yes, women are not stupid.
Also, regarding being a jerk, there are plenty of jerky women, and
it often happens that a guy who acts like a jerk might be just what
a jerky woman wants, since both have a low threshold of maturity and
cannot even fathom the concept of a long term relationship. For
them, the most they can achieve is a series of botched up short term
hook ups. Yes, definitely, there are women out there who know they
are no good for relationships, and have no intention of making a
relationship succeed. For these women, meeting a jerk provides the
perfect excuse, for it means they can tell others that they can't
find a good guy for a relationship.
I could go on forever describing the many varieties of women out
there, but suffice to say, I am NOT A PROPONENT OF THE “BEING A JERK
SCHOOL OF ATTRACTING WOMEN.”
The reason, again, is because I am all about creating REAL
ATTRACTION, and finding QUALITY women, so that really good stuff can
come of it.
Being a good guy is wayyyyy different than being a “NICE” guy. It’s
too bad that the word nice has come to also mean pushover. But just
because a guy is not a pushover does not mean he has to be a jerk.
This is overdoing the “don’t be a pushover thing”. Overdoing things
is stupid. It’s like using a rocket ship to cross the street. It’s
just the wrong thing to do, and it won’t work. And it would be
obvious to us if we weren’t so caught up in conventional dating guru
stuff. I’ve never been a dating guru, and thank G-d for that.
If someone just wants to get sex, there are MILLION ways to do that
easily with zero brain power or effort.
Again, here is where "jerks" do one thing that "nice" guys don't-
they take action. I mean, you can't sit on your butt and hope for
women to jump you. (Actually, I do teach how to be powerful just
from your body language alone, but that's a whole other ball 'a
wax!)
So, to sum up on this question, the MAIN IDEA behind this point is
the idea of having YOUR OWN IDENTITY, your own values, based on
KNOWLEDGE and not on fleeting emotions. THAT is why I go to such
extreme lengths and language to make it clear to NOT get sucked into
the vortex called "FEAR OF NOT PLEASING a woman". This vortex makes
guys do all sorts of dumb things like sacrificing their own
identity.
I remember once walking on the street with a woman in the middle of
winter, and this homeless guy was practically crawling into one of
the automatic banking cubicles for shelter and warmth one night. I
remember saying something like what a tragedy it is that someone
would have to live that way. Anyway, I remember her saying some
comment back to me like "they have a choice, they could get a job"
etc etc. And I remember practically dumping her right there and
telling her my own thoughts on the issue. But I could just see how a
lot of guys would start agreeing with a hot woman just to get her
approval. Of course, do you think this girl would LET me dump her?
Of course not, she starts calling me, emailing me, all the time. She
even says she was wrong about what she said.
Did I say what I said because I was trying to attract her?
No.
Did I say what I said because I was trying to play “hard to get?
No.
I simply had my OWN identity, and it wasn’t based on b.s.
THIS IS WHAT THE DATING GURUS DON'T TEACH YOU AT HARVARD DATING GURU
SCHOOL.
They don't teach you about values, about your own identity, etc.
They are so obsessed with getting laid, they end up missing the
boat. The whole reason they supposedly got into the field was
because they were “hurt”. They wanted to not be dumped, etc. They
wanted to not have to be dumped by girls they loved, etc. Only now,
they are now loathe and scared to enter a real relationship long
term, or they tell you that no woman is worth their time.
Sounds weird to me, for guys that supposedly wanted to just not get
dumped, and now went on to become womanizers supposedly. It sounds
as if they became experts at getting laid, and not experts at
getting exclusive satisfying relationships long term. But most guys
don’t want to just get laid, they want to know how to KEEP a girl
long term. WTF??????
When they DO talk about values, they talk about in purely
Machiavellian terms, and ONLY in the sense of what relevance it
might have to getting laid.
This is PATHETIC.
This is NOT the way of the man, and not the way of genuine
CONFIDENCE.
This is the way of the POP, as a cool guy once wrote to me.
(prisoners of p****)
So, final word on the "don't listen to a woman" thing is:
DON'T DO SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE SHE SAID IT. But absolutely do it if
you honestly feel like listening.
Your second question:
“I read somewhere that having the cocky attitude and the right sense
of humor is bad for your game when you use direct game and “Alpha”
body language. It seems that you are a serious proponent of the
cocky attitude and the right sense of humor. Therefore I am confused
as to which method is best. I should say that I get GREAT response
when I use this method as it suits my personal style and
personality”
MY SPELL:
Yeah, I see your confusion.
The truth is this:
Direct stuff is fine in a world where nobody takes action. So the
mere act of doing something is pretty cool and takes some guts and
shows you must believe you have some superior value.
Also, the truth is, it's really hard to define "direct". When you
are really confident, and really secure in your identity, then you
do about A TRILLION correct things that are NOT easy to do
otherwise. But yet all those things are subtle, so since you don't
see them clearly on the surface in very pronounced ways, people call
that method "direct".
But when people employ more elaborate methods, such as the right
sense of humor or intrigue or what have you, suddenly that gets
labeled as complex.
This is where people get very confused. I'd like to clear it all up
for everyone on earth. THE ONLY THING THAT COUNTS ARE SIGNS OF
SUPERIORITY/VITALITY/VALUE. WHAT MOST PEOPLE *THINK* IS SUPERIORITY
ACTUALLY IS **NOT** SUPERIORITY.
Being cocky is ONE sign of this stuff. Being TOO cocky comes across
as INSECURE. Being intriguing is ANOTHER sign of this stuff. It's
very much like cooking- two different chefs will make a great dish,
but might do the same dish very differently, yet both will taste
great.
Different, but great.
Yet, BOTH chefs know what NOT to do, they both agree on what will
RUIN the taste.
More importantly, the chefs do it by instinct after a while, they
don't have to think so much as simply feel it with a taste of this,
a taste of that, etc.
ALL BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND THE PRINCIPLES, OR RATHER, THE NATURE OF
THE INGREDIENTS THEY ARE USING.
Same thing with attraction, you can trigger it in many different
ways, you can combine things in many different ways, as long as you
don't do something that signifies INFERIOR value.
And the good news is that once you UNDERSTAND this stuff, you can do
it naturally without having to dissect every action you are doing.
I'm a PARTICULAR fan of confident humor, because it not only shows
superiority, but it also shows at the same time that you CARE enough
about her to make her laugh. So you are simultaneously giving her
BOTH the superiority she needs from you, plus you are ALSO telling
her you LIKE her, which, since you are SUPERIOR, is something she
VALUES now.
THAT'S why I like the whole confident humor thing. By the way, you
can even make a self-deprecating remark in a way that shows
confidence, but it's slightly more advanced stuff.
Your third question:
“What about Love? What about Teamwork in a loving relationship? How
is this a factor?”
As soon as I read that line, I kept hearing that song by HEART
ringing in my ears: "What about love?!! Don't you want someone to
care about you?!!"
Hey Beavith, HEART rocked. They were pretty COOL chickth.
Anyway, this is a HUGE question, but the short answer is that I
absolutely believe in this thing called love, and it makes total
sense with the right person.
At the same time, I am not a slave to the emotion. I don’t depend on
it, or need it to feel validation. This was a huge step for me, the
not needing this stuff for validation, and it took a lot of work.
Problem is, it is mostly chemicals in the brain that make you feel
this emotion called love, and therefore it can be very very
deceiving, such that you can feel it is justified even when it is
not. Emotions do that to us, they make us want to BELIEVE that our
emotions are right and totally justified.
In other words when you feel it, you will REALLY believe a woman is
superior even if she is not. You have to know that your mind is
playing tricks on you.
However, when with the RIGHT woman, a woman who has the right kind
of long term values and emotional discipline, then it could be
great.
The reality is that most people don't have the right values for a
long term relationships. It's mostly a question of values and
commitment, plus of course there has to be some real passion there
too.
In FACT, there are a TON of great success stories that are the
result of this kind of rare teamwork. While Sylvester Stallone was
penniless, for example, he met an exceptional and modest woman who
totally believed in him for year after year as a struggling actor
and writer, which inspired him to write Rocky which of course went
on to win Best Picture and gave Sly his billion dollar career.
You'll often find that the saying "behind every great man, there is
a great woman" and the reverse as well, to be very true. The
teamwork of two awesome human beings is very powerful stuff. Oh
yeah, the guy that made Terminator, Titanic, Aliens, etc? He was
also practically starving from poverty but was totally dedicated and
committed to his goal, and he met and married a woman who shared his
dream, way back when he was mr. "nobody".
Shouldn't you listen to a girl when she tells you her problems?
Isn't that good communication?
Again, the answer to this question is all context, as I explain in
the book. What guys don't realize is that many times a woman is
complaining only in ACTING mode. She wants to see what you will do
and how high you will jump, like all the other guys before you did.
You have to know the difference, which is why I put such a huge
emphasis on SCREENING a woman before you let her into your life.
If a woman is testing you, you can't let her push you around, in
fact, you really shouldn't even be with her in the first place if
she has a habitual habit of testing you.
But if a woman legitimately really really has a problem, then there
is a time for being supportive, definitely. But the fact of the
matter is that most guys, especially in the initial few weeks of
getting to know a woman, should be VERY WEARY of becoming a
therapist. In fact, so many women have become so good at detecting
guys they can push around and so good at acting as if they seriously
need help, that I say for most guys who are beginning at this game
to err on the side of caution.
You can always be her "friend" once she has seriously EARNED your
friendship and once you have clearly moved WAY WAY WAY beyond the
friendship zone.
Your next question:
“How did you learn all this? Real-life experience? Readings?
Courses?”
MY SPELL:
All of the above.
Your next question:
“What about 'Romance' and 'Romancing a girl', while still being the
'MAN". Is this possible?”
MY SPELL:
I'm not a huge fan of the word romance, because it implies some kind
of separate category of activity, when in fact all romance really is
a combination of displaying SUPERIORITY and also displaying
AFFECTION.
Yup, that's all it is. For example, the whole KNIGHT in shining
amour thing is POWER, STRENGTH, WARRIOR.
Superior stuff if I ever heard it.
And the pulling out her chair, and opening her door, and walking on
the side of the road, etc, is a sign of showing that you CARE for
her, and will be there for her.
So you see, as long as you are conveying superiority and that you
are not a jerk, that you will be good to her, you will have no
problems.
Most guys though are FIRST displaying the affection, the nice stuff,
and coming across as desperate, when they should FIRST be showing
the VALUE stuff, the signs of superiority, whether through humor or
any of the other thousands of things I explain in my material and
courses.
Next question:
“How do I know your right? How can I be sure? There are a lot of
other theories out there.”
MY SPELL:
The way to know I'm right is simple:
TEST IT OUT in reality. It really works.
I'd like to see the guys promoting the "be a jerk" philosophy
succeed with girls in any serious relationship long term. Of course
being a jerk works OCCASIONALLY in the short term, it works with
girls who don't want to be on close terms with a guy!!!!
Now, some guys might want this, but to have a woman NOT want you, to
have a woman who does NOT really want you badly does NOT require
skill.
Focus more on your IDENTITY and your LIFE and create a stronger YOU
overall, and then watch what happens.
Next question:
“If I know a girl that is taken (boyfriend, married, etc.), should I
hang around with her in the hopes that she will "tell her hot single
friends about me? And/or set me up with them? "You know ____, I have
a friend that ......." Is this possible or just a load of crap from
women?
Personally, I don't like to spend time asking anyone for favors.
Instead, just keep building up yourself, and become a centre of
GRAVITY in terms of attraction.
 I know it sounds new agey, but the truth is, this way, you'll notice
far more powerful results, higher quality women, and then you won't
have time for all the women coming your way. In fact, I really want
you to write in again and let me know how things are going so you
can help teach others this way too.
And if you are reading this right now and would like to know the
full picture about attraction LONG TERM as well as short term,
through developing this area of yourSELF and not through playing
silly tricks on women, then I recommend you take a look at what I
have to offer. The best place to start is my eBook. Inside, you'll
get the lowdown on the things you MUST do immediately to start
getting results now.
Get it at:
The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women book page
Till next time,
Michael W.
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