They want me to put their thoughts into words, and occasionally they want me to create their thoughts. I worked for a politician years ago. I vaguely remember how to write somebody else's thoughts before he knew he had them.
"So what do you write?"
"Web site copy, mostly."
"Really? Not another book?"
"No, I still have 2,000 copies of the last book piled up in my office."
"I'm sure they'll sell quickly, David."
"Really? Want one?"
"Uh...gotta go. It's time for my pet goldfish's nap."
I also write this
humor column faithfully every week. But people actually PAY me to write website copy. Now, dear reader, answer me this question. Would you rather be reading this hilarious column, loaded with frosting and topped with chocolate syrup, or would you rather read plain vanilla website copy.
OK, go ahead and read the website copy, then. See if I care.
One thing my website copy and this column have in common is that they are not biodegradable. Remember how computers would save the environment as they replace the three gazillion tones of paper we trash every few hours in offices around the world and elsewhere?
Now we discover that all that paper at least was biodegradable, recyclable, reusable. It wasn't all that bad for the environment, after all. But the monitor you are reading this on will last forever. (SFX: evil laughter) Adventure seekers from the planet Zorgoppppt will land here in the year 2304 and discover all these abandoned monitors scattered around.
One Zorgopppptian will say to the other, "prrg, ddyte hthp oooo djudu" (Translation: "Groovy paper weights!")
But they won't find me, thanks to my lifetime achievement. I'll be long gone, because I am (chest swells with pride) biodegradable.