I sat down to write my
weekly humor column, but I just could not remember what I wanted to
write about. This seems to be an increasingly more common
affliction, ever since I turned 40. For instance, like most people
over 40, I often can't remember my age.
In fact, I am quite certain I am not yet 40. How do I know? Well, I
can't remember turning 40, for starters.
But memory loss is nothing new for me. It began when I was born. Try
as I might, I just cannot remember being born. This strikes me as
strange. Birth is arguably the most momentous and triumphant event
in a person's life. It is the reason I am alive. It is my coming out
party. Birth is a tremendous opportunity for personal growth and a
fairly important prerequisite for developing proper social
etiquette.
People even celebrate the anniversary of my birth every year by
converging on my house or throwing heart-attack-inducing Surprise!!
parties. But strangely, none of the birthday celebrations have
helped me remember my birth. Even stranger is that people who could
have no memory of my birth, such as my wife and younger brothers,
keep celebrating it.
Perhaps memory loss is the result of trauma. We block out from our
memory traumatic events. Like birth, for instance. Imagine being
squeezed through a steel toilet paper tube with mucus and blood and
other assorted ooey gooey stuff, with something resembling an alien
tentacle protruding from where your bellybutton is supposed to be.
Sure, birth was my highest moment of triumph, but I am in no hurry
to repeat it. I prefer to retire while I am still at the top of your
game.
Little Sister had a more traumatic birth than many, and we posted
her child birth story with pictures at:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/birth-story.html . Fortunately, she
did not retire at the top of her game, as she continues to improve.
I have never been able to remember names either. Perhaps that is
because meeting people is also traumatic. I say that in jest,
because that is what I am supposed to do in a humor column, but many
people find it very traumatic to meet new people, which is one of
the reasons I recommend them to The Fine Art of Small Talk:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/book-review-small-talk.html
I, on the other hand, find it traumatic to meet old people. One
reason I work from home, sitting in front of a computer screen,
might be to avoid too many stand-up receptions trying to remember
the names of strangers I'm supposed to know. I just can't remember
their names.
It's not totally true. I can often remember names, I just can't seem
to attach them to faces, which I hear is a common problem. Like many
people, my brain-glue was recalled for factory defects. I should
have opened that recall notice when it arrived.
One game you can play to help attach names to faces is pin-the-
name-on-the-donkey. This works great for people with defective
brain-glue, because it uses ins instead of glue. I suggest you do
this in your mind, not in the actual reception room. Many people
object to having things pinned to their faces, and a few might even
object to being called donkeys. Most importantly, you could be in
violation of local safety ordinances, especially if you use a
stapler.
Another common strategy many people use to remember names is to
repeat the person's name several times. However, I think that sounds
a bit silly.
"And who are you?"
"It's Trina."
"Hi Trina, how are you?"
"Just great. How are the kids?"
"Trina, the kids are doing very well. How are yours?"
"I don't have kids."
"I see, Trina."
"After meeting every month at this function for the past decade, I
thought you would remember that I have no kids. By the way, why do
you keep repeating my name?"
Perhaps meeting people is less traumatic than being born. At least I
do remember meeting people, and not always waking up in a cold
sweat. And I do remember their names. And I do remember their faces.
And I even remember a few of their birthdays. But try as I might, I
don't remember any of them being born.
Now, what was I going to write about this week? I just can't
remember.
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