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Dear David,
I have been receiving your emails for some time, and of course found your
concepts to be intriguing. The purpose of this mail is not so much to share
any success stories I may have had as a result of your techniques, but more
to point out an insight that I recently had as to why it is that your
"rules" actually work - from a perhaps pseudo scientific perspective.
To give u a little background, I have been twice divorced (because of a
compulsive gambling problem...).
I am rather well known on the Johannesburg party scene (pretty hectic for
those of you in the know) - even at the ripe old age of 42. I have found
that the cocky and funny routine works exceptionally well and have struggled
to understand it for a long time, as it goes against the grain of what we
might commonly believe to be logical. What follows is a brief synopsis of
why I think this may be the case.
In the course of my extramural activities as a Compulsive Gambling
counselor - OK!, I admit that I too can come up with the odd line such as
"If you blow my mind I promise not to think in your mouth" - which achieves
the desired results - I came across a gem.
For most people it is difficult to understand why something like gambling
can become an addiction. And yet,
ATTRACTION is also...now that I perceive it this way ...also a form of
addiction...and here is why.
The brain has a part of it responsible for the release of a powerful
adrenaline called dopamine. This has a more powerful effect than any man
made hallucinogenic. The release of dopamine is controlled by an area of the
brain known as the anterior cingulate (AC). Recent studies on man, ape and
other animals has shown that this part of the brain behaves in rather
strange ways.
When the mind gets something that is unexpected (such as a win in the case
of an early stage gambler - or an "insult" to a beautiful woman who is used
to an entirely different response) then the AC fires and dopamine is
released.
When we do NOT get something
that we EXPECT to get...then the AC also fires. (Such as a 10/10 bird
expecting to receive some form of adoration - and NOT getting it)
However....and this is the key....when we receive the stimulus that we
expect to get, the AC remains silent.
This research is well documented and the functioning of the AC is neither my
concept nor my preserve of expertise. However, I would like to propose that
this form of functioning - and whether it remains within the domain of the
AC or in some other area of the brain remains to be seen - is precisely what
is going on when we are attracted to someone.
Without going into too much boring detail....perhaps it is just possible
that all forms of human attraction are governed by the same rules. We find
women to be attractive, not only because of their physical beauty but also
precisely because they always do what we do not expect them to do and
likewise often do not do the things that we do expect. This has some primal
locus in the survival mechanism.
Similarly, attractive (should I rather say beautiful) women come to expect
certain reactions from men simply because that is what they have learned to
expect. After a while, the AC learns to assimilate this as a given or
expected response and thus no longer gives the female brain (bearing in mind
that the same reaction occurs in men) the shot of dopamine it craves. It
doesn't get its fix. So when someone comes along that either does something
completely unexpected or alternatively does not do what is expected, then
the AC fires and the brain receives its fix - for the time being until the
unexpected becomes the expected. This would explain why people get bored
with each other after a certain time, and it is interesting to note that
research has shown that it takes about two to three years for a gambling (or
any other form of addiction) to manifest as such. Odd that it also seems to
take about the same length of time for humans to become bored with each
other and seek out another mate - although societal conditioning seems to
prohibit us from really making a break at this stage.
The trick as far as the maintenance of a long term relationship is
concerned, perhaps, is to regularly change tactics.
To conclude, I propose that there may well be some considerable logic behind
attraction between the sexes, and that this is based in the same mechanism
that causes addiction in people. Attraction is merely another form of
addiction.
Sincerely,
D B
Johannesburg, South Africa
>>>David D:
Thank you, I really enjoyed your email.
In my 3 day intensive dating seminars I spend a lot of time teaching how and
why ATTRACTION happens... including the evolutionary, emotional,
psychological, and other "not very thought about" aspects that really need
to be understood in order to become GREAT at attracting women.
There is a region of the brain that is closely related to the area that
you've described called "Broca's Region". This area is linked to language
and prediction. Broca's region is constantly predicting what's about to
happen, and it's constantly watching out for the UNPREDICTABLE. If something
unpredictable happens, it alerts the rest of the brain, and a person's
attention is immediately focused on that thing. On the other hand, if what
happens is predictable, then it is automatically discounted and kept out of
awareness.
A problem that most guys have is that they do things that are very, very
predictable, and therefore never even get the ATTENTION of the woman that
they're interested in... never mind make progress, get a date, etc.
For instance, most guys will approach an attractive woman, act nervous and
almost apologetic - and like they're seeking her approval - and then ask
something stupid like "You probably have a boyfriend, huh?" or "Can I take
you out sometime?"
Not only are these things predictable and boring, but they're also bad for
many other reasons as well...
Attractive women get this kind of thing so much that they begin to actually
DISCOUNT any man who even LOOKS like this might be what he's communicating.
And, as you've pointed out above, nothing "fires" in her mind.
The boring approach is discounted, and the man is mentally put into the "no"
category before he even has a chance to have a meaningful conversation.
After this labeling process, virtually nothing he can do can get him out of
this category in the woman's mind, and the game is now over.
On the other hand, when a man approaches a woman and does all the RIGHT
things in an interesting, unpredictable way, the woman's brain "fires", and
she feels ATTRACTION. And then nothing that SHE does can change it. Her mind
has put him into the "attractive" category, and her emotions take over.
The lesson here?
Don't be predictable. Be an interesting, unpredictable challenge to women.
As you probably know, this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to
meeting and attracting women. Once you learn how and WHY attraction works,
you then have to learn the specifics of what to do in different situations
to actually approach women, get their numbers/email, get dates, take things
to a physical level, etc.
You must learn and use INTERESTING, UNPREDICTABLE techniques that GET A
WOMAN'S ATTENTION AND KEEP IT. You must also learn how and why women feel
ATTRACTION for some men... even when those men aren't tall, handsome, or
rich.
If you haven't read my eBook "Double Your Dating", then I'd recommend that
you START by reading it. In a few hours of reading you can learn all of the
basics of how to meet and date the kinds of women you've always wanted. Just
go to:
www.doubleyourdating.com
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it.
Talk to you soon,
David D.
SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
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