Ganna A by Met-Art

Yes, I watch the stock market and at this time of the year there is often a few weird selling patterns that appear consisting of the everyday man-woman-investor cashing in to pay the anticipated bills of the season.

I’m not talking just cash for gift buying. Business people need cash (liquidity) for the new calendar year, parents need to pay the bills for the upcoming school semester. Hell, maybe a guy plans for a very special Valentine’s Day to be pre-paid after the big marriage proposal surprise on Christmas Eve (I did that one).

Sadly, the world markets are out of control, real investor values are all over the board and that doesn’t include the run on the stock market still to come, knocking of hundreds from the stock market indexes in what are normally slow, almost no ripple trading sessions until after the new year.

And all of this leads up to the stories you need to know about so you have some awesome current events to share at the dreaded office party or that lonely corner bar stool tonight. Read and enjoy, here we go!

- Too sexy for that veggie. An Islamic cleric living in Europe reportedly has warned Muslim women not to get too close to bananas, cucumbers or other produce — to avoid having “sexual thoughts.” Hahahahaha ho. Gotta wonder which “western video” sent this cleric holy man onto this particular line of thought. I know it’s not the same guy that said women shouldn’t drive because it may affect their virginity.

- “I never intended to break the rules.” For a final payout of $12.1 million dollars I wouldn’t know too much about my bankrupt company either. Just saying….

- This is the guy in the running for Last Place Criminal Dufus of the yYear. There’s a video, below, too. But essentially dude snoops on his girlfriend’s teen daughter’s phone, found a nude pick of her and sexted the picture to almost 40 of her contacts to “teach her a lesson”. I can only guess that a couple of the kids might say the photo is old news but this guy has a fun time in store for the holidays and I hope he remembers his “soap on a rope”.

- Where would we be without a heart-fely gift shopping story? Right here is the answer. Dude with a .322 blood alcohol level is arrested for trying to steal 2 big screen TVs from Wal-Mart while he’s wearing the same coat he stole two days earlier from said store. They never said if it was the booze or the greed that gave him away. Too bad, one of those TVs was supposed to be my holiday gift!

- This will not be abused because it’s lobbyists and politicians making gift giving rules for lobbyists and politicians to receive gifts from one and another in time to give and receive this holiday season. Albeit belatedly because the new rules start January 1, 2012. State lawmakers and city council members can accept expensive gifts from lobbyists without disclosure if they are dating, and can receive meals and lodging in lobbyists’ homes without telling the public, under rules approved Thursday by the state ethics agency.

I told you it was a special time of year.

Note: Photo of Ganna A. by Antonio Clemens at Met-Art.

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- So there’s this lab in Japan that invents a kissing machine that allows two people to simulate kissing each other over the internet. I’m not really surprised by this, not really, because I remember a news story from years ago how the porn industry was reported to have created a usb vagina, and I’ll leave it’s use to your imagination.

- If you’re still not completely out of your winter den then you’ve likely change channels to check out “The Voice” which is quite lame, I think, and Randy Jackson agrees with me. And could there have been a bigger disappointment in the season finale of “Fringe”. Seriously, what is going on with this show? Have they given up on a storyline and just decided to give the writers tons of beers to come up with lines for the actors to say?

- Sony and the PlayStation Network totally screwed more that the 77 million people that have used the system and we’re still waiting for all the details to come out. Despite the hack attack what exactly is being done now to protect users? I know that I’m trembling every time I check my credit card balances online and because of the network outage I’ve had kids suffering video game withdrawal that no amount of money can possibly repay me for.

- Some day’s it’s gratifying to see people in worse situations that yourself, so here’s a bunch of losers you can laugh at, 15 booking photos courtesy of The Smoking Gun.

- We all know that some teens are incredibly stupid, but having sex at a party in front of 15 other teens and having the act video recorded and shared among other students at a high school? The charges haven’t been announced yet but I’m sure they will do more that going to bed without dessert.

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My favorite kind of cookie

Chocolate chip cookies are my favorites. Not too many people actually care about this fact of mine, but when you have an awkward conversational pause you should have a backup factoid to talk about.
Cookies are relatively safe, everyone has a favorite, they don’t cross into the taboo areas of religion and politics so you can talk about cookies until someone comes along to save the conversation by changing the topic as soon as possible.

My point here is to have a backup conversation topic ready and practiced that everyone can relate too and everyone (if they’re still standing nearby) can offer some input. It’s not easy. Avoiding topics in politics and religion (and maybe your boring work search) that as long as your prepared you’ll do jut fine.

But without preparation I can almost guarantee that it’s my cookies you’ll be talking about sooner or later.

But I digress, it’s a dating profile headline your here to get and I have it for you here:
“The best people eat chocolate chips cookies.”

Have a great day!

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- Pizza diet saves woman’s life. Yes, she fell down and couldn’t get up. What saved her? The woman had ordered a pizza every day for three years and when the delivery person hadn’t delivered a pizza in three days became concverned, visited the house and… well you can read the rest. No word on the weight of the woman involved or what her favorite toppings were. But I’m sure she gave a decent tip.

- Surprise: the TV show “Two and a Half Men” has had production halted after Charlie Sheen goes on radio rampage. Not really a surprise, Charlie Sheen just happens to be this year’s train wreck. Lindsay Lohan is still a close second.

- Breast milk ice cream. Only one question needs to be answered: “What could be more natural than fresh, free-range mother’s milk in an ice cream?” The flavor is called Baby Gaga.

- Swedes declare ad of man on sheepskin rug, wearing only boxer shorts, as offensive to men. “The ad, which shows the computer-generated image of Robert lying seductively on sheep skins clad only in cotton boxer shorts with an outline of his oversized sex organ clearly defined, was reported to the ombudsman by a individual.” Not me though, I do have an oversized sex organ…

-

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- “I know the law”… and now this Spanish lady owns the sun. It’s amazing what the power of a notary public is and I have to wonder what Angeles Duran is going to charge us for using the sun. This is a great entrepreneurial job, don’t you think? Hmmm…

- It’s a good probability that your computer is already fingerprinted (that is, cataloged by each device’s unique combination of hardware, software and installed fonts) and you’re being tracked more intricately that ever before. David Norris’s company BlueCava has already fingerprinted 200 million internet devices and expects to have more than 1 billion devices fingerprinted and trackable for online advertisers by the end of 2011. It’s going to be very hard to use any internet-enabled device and not be followed online soon, if not already.

- Yes, I said he has a camera in the back of his head. Hey, everyone wants to be known as “the first” and academia being what it is these days, if you can’t impress one way, go farther than anyone else and make your mark with a camera in the back of your head. yes, this article includes a video to sate your curiosity and give you even more to talk about. “The thumb-sized camera is mounted on a titanium plate inserted inside the back of his head” Professor Wafaa Bilal said. Once the camera is broadcasting via a computer Professor Bilal carries with him you’ll be able to view the pictures at www.3rdi.me.

- In these hard times there’s always a story of a guy, somewhere, augmenting his income in a less-than-lawful way. Mr. Gumbs, while working at the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, managed to order a few extra toner cartidges and (possibly but this has yet to be proven in court) sold them on some ink-black-market. Well, maybe a little more than a few, maybe more like $3.4 million dollars of excess (and still missing) toner purchased since 2004 that never made it into the hospital’s supply system. Of course, a lot of the ink didn’t even fit any of the printers that are in use at Sloan-Kettering. I guess this was a “great job” for a while…

Have a great week!

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- The Chilean miners that survived 69 days trapped undergound, and captured the attention of hundereds of millions of people, landed in America and started with a tour of Hollywood yesterday. These men truly are real heroes and I wish them the best in their celebrity. (Article includes vieo of their arrival and parts of their first day’s visit.)

- Burger King fires employees after figuring out how to reset the printed text on receipts and insert “Fuck You” onto the copies given to customers (with news video). Hahaha, I’d rethink their firing and offer them a promotion to the marketing division.

- Man arrested after starting fire in house while burning photos of ex-girlfriend to appease current girlfriend. I have to wonder what the phots were of, possibly nude pictures? And how did the current girlfriend find them to start the arguement that lead to the burning of the photos? So many unanswered questions. The moral of the story? Get a safety deposit box for all your photographic keepsakes to avoid burning dowen your house. LOL.

- The new never-ending war against the TSA and security pat-downs and x-ray machines reaches a new low with breast cancer survivor forced to reveal her prosthetic breast during security check. Honestly, is there not a better way to safegurd us agianst terror attacks while preserving our personal privacy and our humanity on the whole? (“Don’t touch my junk” vidoe here or watch it below.) News article includes a wealth of information and more stories about the intrusiveness of the TSA security scans and pat-downs.

- Here’s one for creativity: Man pretends to be a plastic surgeon and offers women his skills as a “boob enhance doctor) and feels women up during “breast exams” in bars. Yes, he gets arrested. But you have to wonder how truthful his spiel was that he’d get women to allow him to touch their breasts in the bar for an “exam”. And how much alcohol did these women drink to allow themselves to get felt up. It’s a weird world out there, isn’t it? My favorite part of this article: “The Idaho Statesman website reported that Ross has a previous criminal record as a man but identifies herself as a woman and was booked into Ada County Jail as a female.”)

Have a great weekend!

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