It’s
no secret that people spend a large portion of their time with a
first date wondering, Does this person like me? And while you would
think the signs would be clear, all too often they’re not. Even if
your date has been smiling up a storm or raptly listening to your
views on alternative fuel, he or she could just be acting interested
and secretly hoping the evening will end soon. But that’s not to say
you need to be in the dark about your date’s true feelings. It turns
out there are many signals your date may send that give away what’s
really going on. Here are some of those subtle signs that, at first
glance, might seem like nothing… but could mean there’s a real
connection and raging chemistry between you two.
Your date says your name more than usual.
Maybe your date says your first and last name, like, “So, Michael
Malone, you up for a night cap after dinner?” Or maybe your date
says just your first name three times, like “Jenna, Jenna, Jenna.”
Either way, it can be a sign that your date feels so much chemistry,
he or she can’t help but connect with your closest possession: your
name. But only if your name is said in an enthusiastic way—not in a
flat tone like the person behind the counter at the DMV. “Saying
someone’s name is like a sign that you’re testing the magic you’re
feeling, because you almost can’t believe they’re real,” says body
language expert Patti Wood. “It also subconsciously elicits
immediate focus from the person whose name is said,” says Wood,
which is more proof of the chemistry: If someone is into you, he or
she wants your full attention.
Your date squints at you.
If you watch reality dating shows like The Bachelor and all the
rest, when one party harbors a crush on the other, they’ll give each
other a cute little squint, usually followed by a smile. What gives?
It’s an unconscious bit of body language that shows the person is
searching for more info about you. “Squinting is typically a gesture
of searching deeper into something or testing it,” says Wood. “The
same way you’d squint at a diamond to see if it’s real, squinting
shows you’re focusing harder to be sure it’s not just a mirage.” And
that, she says, is a great sign. That coy little spy tactic shows
that your date likes you so much, he or she is looking more closely
to see if you could possibly be as great as you seem. (Obviously you
are!)
Your date asks the “why” and “how” questions.
During dinner conversation, any polite date will ask you factual
things about your family like, “So, do you have brothers and
sisters?” But that’s not necessarily a sign they feel chemistry with
you. It is a sign of chemistry, however, if they delve deeper and
ask more probing questions. As in, “So, how did you get interested
in accounting, anyway?” And “Why did you decide to move all the way
across the country?” That’s one of the ways Jennifer Santana, 29,
first noticed that she and her current boyfriend were clicking. “He
asked questions about my family — not just the same old questions,
but things like, ‘What are your parents like?’ People on first dates
don’t really ask these kinds of questions unless they have some
intention of meeting them some day.” These challenging questions are
a strong sign that the person you’re with is seriously interested in
you and not just making polite chit-chat.
Your date gets quiet midway through your time together.
Rather than taking your date’s silence as a sign your date has lost
interest, it could actually be the opposite: Your date may be
feeling such a pull toward you that he or she is lost in thought
about it. “Sometimes, a person feels such a strong attraction that
instead of nodding and following the conversation, he or she is just
contemplating you,” says Wood. So the next time your date seems to
have missed the whole end of your story, don’t cast the person off
too quickly. If you really can’t be sure whether the distraction is
a bonus or a sign of boredom, go ahead and ask. “Say to your date,
‘Hey, where’d ya go?’” suggests Sharyn Wolf, CSW, a psychotherapist
in New York City and author of Guerilla Dating. “If the person says,
‘What are you talking about?’ or acts defensive about paying
attention, that’s not a good sign. But if you get a grin back and a,
‘Sorry, I guess I got distracted,’ that can be a great sign. It
shows this new companion may have been imagining a future outing —
or just a future — with you!”
You hear “you’re” a lot.
If your date says to you, “You’re awesome” or “You’re so funny” or
“You’re a trip!” or “You’re something else…” then you’re very lucky!
Personalizing your admiration or approval of a date means a lot;
it’s a strong sign of attraction, while statements like, “That’s
awesome” or “That’s funny” don’t mean as much. Using the word you
means that the person feels chemistry with you, versus just grooving
on your story-telling skills.
Your date gives you a token of the evening.
If your date gives you something you can hold onto and look at
later, chances are he or she is feeling chemistry. Jennifer’s date
once picked up a pack of matches from the restaurant they were in
and said, “Here, for you.” He didn’t say, “Something to remember me
by” or “So we’ll always remember this night,” but that, in fact, was
the underlying message. It’s a sign that your date wants you to have
something to remember him or her by… because clearly this person
will be remembering your date as a great one.
Amy Spencer writes for Cosmopolitan, Real
Simple, and other publications.
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