Let's
face facts, guys: When it comes to knowing what women want, a
good-sized percentage of the time, we're pretty dense. But when it
comes to online dating, our density levels enter the red zone —
mainly because we have no idea how our material is going over. We
have no visual or audio clues. We don't know if the words we wrote
are making her laugh or groan.
I'm essentially as dense as the rest of you, but I spend more time
thinking about online dating than the average bear, and being an
altruistic chap, I'm going to impart my wisdom (such as it is) upon
my girl-seeking brethren.
Here now, for your
education and edification, are 10 things that a typical girl wants
to see in a typical guy's profile:
Brains
You don't have to be Einstein or Chomsky; most women don't dig mega-brainiacs,
anyhow. But you should demonstrate a hearty dollop of intelligence.
So proofread. Do a spell check. Bust out a thesaurus. Use words like
"dollop."
Brawn
Don't just tell the world how much you bench. Let your words reveal
an inner strength. Be the cyber-John Wayne.
Ability
Women like their men to be gainfully employed, so allude to your
job. You don't have to offer up your resume, but let it be known you
won't be sponging.
Presentability
When you post your picture, avoid shots of you drunk or sweaty or
generally looking icky.
Humor
Preview how charming you'll be when you first meet face-to-face. Be
silly but not absurd. Self-deprecating but not pitiful. Strike that
balance between droll and dorky.
Originality
Don't be a cookie-cutter guy. Read other men's profiles and take
note of common, tired turns of phrase. The competition is fierce, so
try to stand out in the crowd.
Feelings
It's not necessary to compose an original poem or to paraphrase a
Shakespeare sonnet, but it would be nice to let her know you're not
a heartless Neanderthal. Exhibit some warmth and gentleness.
Confidence
If you don't believe in yourself, how can she believe in you? Be
proud of your career, your comedy and your cunning.
Honesty
Women have radars that sense when you're fudging with reality. Don't
lie about your physicality or your spirituality. At some point, the
truth will rear its ugly head.
Brevity
You've got a lot to pack into one profile, no doubt, but if you're
not careful, your description will end up being longer than a Tom
Clancy novel. Say what you have to say in the best way you can. Then
put down that mouse and go do your laundry, because you'll want to
have some clean clothes to wear on your first date. And your second.
And your third.
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