The
way you see it, you're a reasonably attractive single person who
likes the simple things in life. Walking along the beach and that
sort of thing. All you really want is someone who's easy to spend
time with. The kind of person who is equally comfortable in blue
jeans/three days of stubble as she/he is in that little black
dress/tuxedo.
But you haven't found that person and you're getting tired of the
bar scene. You never thought you would, but you've decided to look
online.
Congratulations! You've just posted the most unoriginal profile
ever.
The sad truth about online dating is, few people bother to express
their true selves. Bland gets more play than bold, and one profile
looks (numbingly) like the next.
With millions of people dating online, you really do have a decent
chance of finding that rare person who, corny as it sounds, likes
you just the way you are, whether you're a plump divorcee who
prefers desert solitude to beach frolicking, or an impeccably
groomed investment banker who would like to be able to kick back
but, truth be told, never lets his stubble get more than a day old.
A 35-year-old bisexual Muslim woman living in a Bible Belt city
recently joined an online dating service, saying she had orange
hair, multiple tattoos and a plump body. Less than an hour after her
profile went up, she had already heard from two suitors. She
understood that there was no reason to try to look like everyone
else. There really is someone out there for everyone.
If no one is responding to you, it may not be the photo that's
keeping everyone away. Your written profile may be putting readers
to sleep. Give some thought to who you really are and what you
really want and, no matter what, avoid the following phrases:
I can't believe I'm doing this
Maybe so, but the fact is, you're looking for love online - and so
are millions of others. No reason to apologize! Why would you want
to start off your profile by suggesting that you're somehow better
or different than all these other people looking for their match
online? Anyone you meet this way is doing it, too.
Tired of the bar scene
Painfully unoriginal. Everyone says it, and if you think about it,
it's probably not even accurate. What you probably mean to say is
that you already know all your friends' friends, everyone at work,
everyone at your church/synagogue/gym/coffee shop/local bar, and
you're tired of waiting for serendipity to bring you in touch with
The One. You're taking a more proactive approach to love. Suggested
alternative: "I love meeting new people outside my usual circle."
Keep it positive.
Moonlit walks on the beach
Do you know how many people say this is their number one hobby? Do
you know how many people from places like Wyoming and Indiana say
it? Funny, because I live very close to a beach and half the time
when I go, it's deserted. Chances are, you like the beach but spend
more time reading comic books, or making jewelry, taking your dog to
the park, or, boring as it sounds, going home and watching TV every
evening. You have to be yourself, which leads to another overused
pastime.
Quiet evenings by the fireplace sipping wine
Is this really how you spend most evenings? Possible alternative:
"By the time I get my two-year-old to bed most nights, I cherish the
forty-five minutes or so in front of the TV before I crash." At
least then they'll know there's a real person on the other end of
the computer and not some out-of-touch cheeseball.
Looking for someone who can be both silly and serious
Aren't we all? Someone who is artistic but good with money would be
nice too. Someone who likes an evening at a swank restaurant every
bit as much as a rugged weekend camping. Someone who enjoys a night
out with a few close friends as well as a rave. Someone who likes
young children as much as the elderly. It would be nice to find
someone who spans all these gulfs, but maybe we aren't so versatile
ourselves. Think about what's really important.
One reason online dating has taken off in a way that newspaper
personal ads never did is that the format allows the real you to
come through. You get to write a little essay showing off your sense
of humor, your writing style and all those odd little quirks that,
after all, really are the basis of attraction. Wouldn't those
singles from the seventies who were confined to impersonal
descriptions like "single white female" have loved this opportunity?
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