In the world
of online dating misrepresentation is at an all time high. Janice, a
fitness enthusiast, was excited about her e-mail exchange with Rob.
He seemed to share her interest in fitness and the outdoors. They
wrote about mountain biking, skiing and golfing. Rob suggested an
interest in these activities, but never mentioned once having
engaged in any of them.
When Janice
and Rob met it became apparent that he was not a fitness or outdoors
enthusiast. In real life he also looked much older than in the
picture that accompanied his online profile. He had misrepresented
himself to impress Janice. Needless to say, they parted after their
first face-to-face encounter with mixed feelings.
Discovering
incompatibility in e-mail exchanges becomes much easier if you
follow these tips:
Be
truthful in your own description. While mingling among singles
in a highly competitive environment you may be tempted to paint your
very best picture. Putting your best foot forward does not mean
inflating your image or exaggerating in your profile. The key to
finding a compatible love is being authentic instead of pretending
to be what you are not. Being real may not guarantee a huge number
of online dates, but if you are serious about, love the bottom line
is quality, not quantity. To find a like-minded date, don’t play
games. When your profile rings true, you will probably attract
someone who is also truthful.
Dig
deeper once you have begun your email exchange. Ask questions
about his or her life, values, beliefs, hobbies, likes and dislikes.
Rephrase your questions in subsequent e-mails and compare the
answers. Continue to go back to the person’s profile and look for
discrepancies. For example, to verify a person’s age, ask when they
either left high school or graduated from university. To find out if
he or she really loves hiking, ask where they usually hike. To check
employment, ask what he or she does during a regular workday and if
they enjoy their work. Aaron believed he was e-mailing the kindest
girl until he asked Kyra about her relationship with her sister.
Kyra electronically flew off the handle calling her sister names.
Aaron new then that he did not like the other Kyra he had just been
exposed to. The only thing you risk by asking questions is that your
new e-mail friend will drop “out of the loop.”
Bring up
issues that are important to you. If one of your priorities is
family, talk about your respective families. It won’t take long to
find out if this is a shared priority. If you love traveling, raise
this topic to see if there is excitement or if he or she has even
boarded a plane. Perhaps education, knowledge or current issues are
of great interest to you. In that case, raise these matters in your
dialogue to probe his or her awareness and interest. A healthy
lifestyle might be important to you. Talk about it! There is no
point in involving yourself with someone with no interest in a
healthy lifestyle. Whatever your values, beliefs or worldviews, use
the e-mail exchange to reflect on these issues. Read between the
lines. We all have a tendency to read or see things we like, even
when they are not there. This practice will help you to determine
compatibility early in the game. Shared values are important
ingredients for long-term commitment.
Remember
the reason why you are meeting someone online. If you just want to
increase your circle of friends, by all means have fun and meet
everyone. If you are searching for the love of your life, be
selective and dig deeper. Don’t waste each other’s time. Far too
many singles have depleted their dating energy by e-mailing all
night long with people who they would never introduce to their
parents. Be smart and cut to the chase!
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