Putting a woman on a
pedestal is bad for your health—and hers.
It has the unintended, reverse
effect of reducing her to second-class citizen and elevating you to potentate.
True mutual respect derives only from a peer relationship. Yet, many men still
engage in such deferential behavior, and just as many women demand it. Why?
They have been conditioned to believe and accept the interminable myths about
women that still pervade our supposedly advanced culture.
education in all things feminine began almost 12 years ago, when I became
reimmersed in the single world after my divorce. During this post-marriage
odyssey with the “opposite” sex, I learned that women are not so opposite and
are, in fact, much like men. To me, this is no longer a debate; it is fact.
Now, we hear almost daily from anthropologists, psychiatrists, psychologists,
licensed psychotherapists, so-called life coaches, movies, books, magazines,
TV, radio, parents, friends, lovers, and standup comics that men and women are
wired differently and hopelessly incompatible.
We are coached to accept,
embrace, and gingerly navigate these differences. Nonsense, I say. If you
believe this propaganda, you are part of the problem.
Many children grow up hearing repeatedly from their parents and teachers that
they are unalterably shy. Then, these children internalize the negative
message and often remain shy until death—having lived a self-fulfilling
This same phenomenon occurs with the barrage of myths we hear about
women’s limitations, passed down from generation to generation. From the long
list, I have identified five, counterproductive relationship myths that our
society continues to propagate and reinforce about femmes.
They are totally
absurd and untrue. Yet, if men and women don’t stop indulging in these myths,
we will never find the harmony we mutually seek and need.
Once we destroy
these myths, however, men and women will realize, at last, how similar they
Myth #1: Women
don’t like or need sex as much as men do.
It is laughable how many men and women actually believe this myth. Worse
is when they insist on clinging to it.
Let me tell you that healthy
women—those without emotional hangups or medical problems—definitely
like and need sex as much as their male counterparts; often their
cravings supersede those of men.
On one hand, many demonstrative women
have told me that men they had dated rejected them for being too
sexually expressive. Wow, these men are morons! Unfortunately, sexually
uninhibited women threaten insecure men, who need to be in charge, and
old-fashioned men, who believe such women are sluts and not the marrying
kind. In turn, a spurned, frustrated woman typically reacts by toning
down her sexuality for the next guy. She conditions herself to believe
that her unreserved style is wrong. What a waste of spirit.
instead look for a better mate. Why doesn’t she? Usually it’s because
her sexually frustrated mother and girlfriends force on her their
repressive credo: great sex isn’t as important as his ability to provide
for you—make it work.
On the other hand is the woman involved with a secure man, who
encourages her, perhaps for the first time in her life, to be as free as
she wants to be—emotionally and physically.
Frequently, this woman was
raised to be sexually passive or even to believe that sex is bad, and
she expends a lot of energy in the act of self-repression. After
behaving uninhibitedly, “like a man,” she almost cannot believe the
difference and is never again the same.
Numerous times I have witnessed
this sudden metamorphosis first-hand, usually hearing the refrain: “Yes,
my mother was definitely wrong! Why did I wait so many years to
Myth #2: Women aren’t as visually stimulated or obsessed with looks as
How many times do you hear this line?
Give me a break. More nonsense.
Part of the argument for this myth is that the majority of porn addicts
Porn addiction is a sickness that has little to do with visual
stimulation and a lot to do with intimacy dysfunction. As an aside, a
recent feature article in the San Jose Mercury News revealed a dirty,
little secret: that porn is becoming increasingly popular amongst women
of all socioeconomic stripes.
In the mating game, if she has the choice, a woman always will seek the
best-looking guy. Isn’t this how many women choose presidential
Despite Bill Clinton’s record of abusing females, many women
continue to give him a pass because of his looks, and they have said
this to my face. Beware women who deny their preoccupations with looks.
I remember watching a Fox TV show called Mr. Personality, hosted by
Monica Lewinsky. A beautiful, sophisticated, well-spoken girl named
Haley had to choose one man from a group of 25 masked, unnamed
suitors each week further winnowing the group by a few men, based on
their incompatible personality traits. Haley never saw the face of each
suitor until she selected him to leave the group. And, every time she
unmasked a handsome man whom she otherwise found unacceptable, she was
Sounds like the MO of a stereotypical guy, doesn’t it? On
the final show, she narrowed the field to the last contestant—her new
beau. Monica announced that he had done well financially in real estate,
but Haley’s biggest question still remained unanswered: Is he gorgeous?
Finally, he unmasked himself. Her relief was palpable.