When Lena,
52, began dating, her son, Paul, joined the same dating site.
Together, mother and son set out to find love. Lena’s family was
concerned for Lena. After 30 years of marriage, she was very
vulnerable. What did she know about dating or sexually transmitted
diseases? Lena knew one thing: love does not have a best-before
date.
Lena is one
of many fiery over 50 dames with lots of life. The idea of dating
put a sparkle into her eyes. After a few unproductive “let’s meet
for coffee” dates, she struck gold! Ryan, whom she met in her
doctor’s waiting room, was everything she hoped for. A widower
without children, Ryan was like a breath of fresh air. He put
romance and zest into her life. They fell madly in love and lived
happily ever after.
This is a
dating dream come true for most older, single women. Today, dating
over 50 is just as common as dating at a younger age. However, there
are profound differences in life circumstances and experiences.
Unfortunately, not all dating adventures of older singles have happy
endings. Dating at a mature age comes with baggage. Ex wives,
stepchildren, step-grandchildren, in-laws, lifestyles or
commitments, just to name a few. This baggage prevents many singles
from creating close relationships. Yet, there are good news for all
mature singles, who have not found their “one and only”:
As a mature
person you have qualities such compassion, integrity, and wisdom,
all of which nurture rewarding relationships. Use exactly those
qualities to find love and avoid falling victim to clever-minded
dating strategies. Successful relationships are based on three
principles: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity.
These are also common-sense dating principles.
1. Mutual
Respect: Others are just as valuable as you
Our generation has made history as ambassadors of a
“what’s-in-it-for-me” society. Much of the dating advice today
supports this attitude. Just make your wish list and check it
against your date. While dating can be fun, for most 50 plus singles
it is about finding a life-mate. When you date, treat him with
respect. Be on time and be interested. If there is mutual
attraction, share your likes and dislikes openly. Don’t get lost in
keeping score. Respect that a first date is a fishing trip to
determine if there is enough interest for a second date. By all
means give each other a chance. If you are not interested, don’t
lead him on. You are mature and don’t need a black book filled
admirers. If you like him, but the feeling is not mutual, make it
easy to call the quits. Treat your date the way you would want to be
treated.
2. Moral
Responsibility: You are always morally responsible to those with
whom you have a relationship.
This begs the question as to when a relationship begins. You have
graduated from the coffee shop to seeing a movie. He wined and
dinned you and now invites you to a barbeque with friends. While
this is not a marriage proposal, it is nevertheless personal. No red
flags have popped up yet and you accept the invitation. This has the
potential for a relationship. Now is the time to get to know him
instead of looking over the shoulder for other suitors. Here is why:
often relationships between dating singles never develop because
they are occupied with multiple dates. Sleeping with multiple dates
is morally irresponsible to each one. Be as responsible as you would
be to your best friend, because he may be that some day.
3.
Authenticity: Love only happens when you are real
Have you ever found yourself laughing simply because everyone else
did? Told someone had a fabulous time when you didn’t or said: “I
love you” when you didn’t mean it? Did you ever do something
inconsistent with your true self just to please someone or get what
you wanted? Of course we all have. We have lost the bravery to be
real! For many there is quite a gap between the person inside and
the person we present to the world. In the competitive world of
dating misrepresentation is at an all time high.
If you seek love, forget about how to make him fall in love with
you. Forget about Mars and Venus, in the real world we are all human
beings first, men and women second. Most singles over 50 want to
love and belong. Wear what makes you feel like a million dollar
babe, not what you think impresses him. While you are not to
disclose your sexual history on a first date, be straightforward on
topics that you are comfortable with. Say what you mean and mean
what you say. Be authentic and be honest! Don’t waste your precious
time pretending to be what you are not. You may not land many second
dates, but at this stage it is about quality, not quantity. Love
only happens when you are real.
These three universal principles are no-fail dating concepts that
keep you sane and on the road to love. To boost your dating success,
Ivana Trump is adding a bonus for all the fabulous and mature women.
In her new TV show she introduces older women to younger men. Sounds
like the Demi Moore style of dating is gaining popularity. With
quite a few older men dating much younger women, Ivana is
orchestrating a balancing act. Love has no boundaries, is ageless
and keeps you young. Maybe Ivana’s reality show will get you in the
groove.
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