  When
a vampire has your interest, how do you proceed?
Dating a vampire (vampiress =
female) requires special care due to the unique circumstances that face
human beings when found in this type of relationship in the beginning
stages.
For instance: you don't invite a vampire over for an Italian style meal, it's just
not done. Even a hint of some exotic herbs and garlic hidden in even the
most tempting of foods is enough to melt your fanged-love-rocket into the
linoleum.
While it's most likely that you first laid eyes on your Upir (wicked
vampire) at a popular late-night destination it's just as likely that he has
stalked you to public ground that you pass through in the late evening
hours. Most vampires, being of the male of the species, believes in
"occurring instances of common understanding", that being they like to find
a way to impress you, through words or deeds, before asking you on a date.
Common vampire
pickup lines include:
- let me help you with that ...
- you have nice pearly skin
- isn't this a wonderful time of night?
- can I buy you another?
Vampires, despite common recent
idealizations, aren't very suave. Hanging around late at night, often with
drunks and/or other vampires, is the cause of their ineptitude at the
"pickup".
Your first introduction to him will be heart-inspiring. Vampires have the
ability to reach inside dreams and allow you to a waking vision of your most
positive dream that now includes him. You may lose just a second or two but
you'll be filled with the feeling of deja-vu, that this has all happened
before. His attraction force will be irresistible.
Always, and this is a must,
carry your own drink from the bar, or retrieve it yourself from the trusted
person that is pouring. Your 'falling-in-love vampire' may want you with all
of his dark heart, but trust not to his honest intentions. Should he find
another that sparks his fancy a little more than you do, he mat drug you to
be rid of you without confrontation.
Depending on the circumstances
and environment he may ask you to dance. Always a slow dance. Slow, somber
music to remember happier, more 'humanly times', if only for a moment or
two. He will invite you to sit with him, he'll usually have a table or
seating that affords a premium view of the central surroundings. He will
talk with you, intelligently. Vampires do not 'moon' over the women they
show interest in, they proceed to allow women the voice and ear of an equal
(although this is not their true belief). Drink will be plenty but food will
be sparse, if offered at all. The undead have no need of a regular daily
calorie intake.
The male vampire (often
represented by the slavic word 'hawthorn') almost to a fault will encourage
you to join him, indeed even draw you into, dark areas of any room,
regardless of other people in the room. He endeavors to make you his sole
possession, as it is, that you become the total focus of his interest, which
is precisely the seductive reason mostly involved in human women finding the
desire, even need, of starting a romantic liaison with a vampire so
appealing. Having another, even an other-worldly individual, show such
interest and desire is an exciting intoxicant. This is a sharp knife edge to
walk, always be careful!
Your first introduction and time
spent together will end as eventfully as you can remember the next day. And
as unimportantly as if it were all but a dream in someone else's life. And a
yearning will remain for the moments you spent together. Your vampire
attractor has your interest now.
And now that "Vlad" has piqued
your interest in late-night activities, it's important to know the
ins-and-outs of the human half of this cross-species dating match.
What To Expect
Vampires will
often seem to be a tad on the narcissistic side, this is common as they are
"survival first" oriented creatures. Yes, "Vlad" will be late for dates.
Yes, he may even show up days late, not seeming to realize that he is days
late, he having been on a feeding frenzy in some undisclosed (and oft
unreported) location.
As he attempts to keep his
"secret" from you expect some dishonesty from him. His answers to any type
of question that require a personal accounting will be elusive, to say the
least.
It's also likely that he will have many admirers. These can range from
brothers of the 'vamphood' to sisters of the 'dark rites'. Don't be offended
or jealous. These hangers-on are a part of the scenery and you'll always
stand out from them. Just enjoy his company, ignore theirs.
Expect more 'things to do' type
dates than food or meal oriented dates. Vampires don't eat much and often
forget that humans need regular sustenance. Bowling is a popular date for
vampires, mostly because of the availability of 24 hour bowling alleys than
anything else. Surprisingly moonlit walks on the beach doesn't score on
their list of popular date destinations. Not because of the moonlight but
more likely the salt water, although this is unconfirmed.
Unless you live in a mega-opolis
of night-time shopping malls forget going shopping unless it's anything but
windows you want to see. Vampires and daylight just don't mix.
Preparing For Your First Date
The first date
is the most critical. Once his initial attraction has been focused on you
(and you're swooning with desire) you'll want to be sure to dress
appropriately to keep the magic alive.
Your 'strigoi' (Romanian for
vampire) will keep his distance, and maybe even keep on driving instead of
picking you up, should you be wearing silver jewelry, be overly clothed
(keep at least your arms uncovered) or have an undefeatable herbal fragrance
on your hair or skin. Strigoi can detect these harmful items at a distance.
Wear natural fiber fabrics and
keep to simple, unexcessive, fragrances if any at all. Natural touches and
natural scents are what really drives a vampire's desire.
Your hair should be styled the
same as when he last saw you. Surprisingly enough, with five heightened
senses and the power of telepathy (depending on his pure-bloodedness) he may
think you're not the same person if your hair is different from his memory
of you. Do
not wear any jewelry. Your 'Prince of Darkness' will offer you a gift of
something to wear, be it a necklace or earrings, at the end of your meal or
some other opportune time.
Final Warnings
If at all you
feel uncomfortable with his attentions, tell him. Vampires are incredibly
self-centered and ignorant of the emotional needs of human women.
Should you feel dread or unease,
let your senses lead you. This may keep you in the world of daylight.
Remember that vampires are at the top of the food chain.
Don't be offended if he doesn't
think to drive through Starbucks to get you a latte on the way home, it's
just not in his nature. Again, he doesn't need to eat. Food.
Watch for the times of the year when vampires are most active in filling
their bloodlust: April 23, the Feast of St. George and November 30, the
Feast of St. Andrew, are renowned vampire event times. Daters are well
cautioned to keep their house lights on and lock the doors tightly and do
not, under any circumstances, invite their dates in for the evening or the
day may end up being the last of the daylight days you'll see.
Lastly, should the attentions of
your vampire romancer become unwanted, be sure to wear a ring of garlic cloves
around your neck, carry a wooden cross and, most importantly, stay on
hallowed ground! (c) 2007
Robert Lee and cheerful attitude web design ltd. All Rights Reserved. By
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