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 So you've made it
into the stadium and you are now stepping onto the playing field for
your first day of practice with the Dallas Cowboys. Nervous
excitement courses through your veins as the coach talks about the
various formations he is going to run the team through and begins to
discuss the different play calls and strategies he will be using
during this season's games.
While much of what the coach talks about initially lies within the
realm of football common sense and comes easily to you, there are a
few nuances in the game plan that you will be unfamiliar with. Also,
some of the plays are new to you and could cause complications and
confusion in the season ahead if you don't understand them.
A team's language will guide you in how to interact and communicate
with your teammates on the playing field. This language that each
player must learn is full of individual components, called the
"plays." For each "play," there is a "plan." Each of these "plays"
and "plans" has been specially formulated through years of research
and scientific study, producing entire systems of proven techniques
that can make winners out of the players and teams.
Once the methods were proven effective, they were gathered together
and worked into a playbook for each team to base its "plays" and
"plans" on. It is that playbook that each teammate must learn in
order to be part of the winning team. This process is much the same
as that of the "plays" and "plans" of a relationship. You need to
read the manual, learn from those who are already where you want to
be in their relationships and listen actively to your partner in
order to learn how to speak their language. Once you learn this
language, you can enter the game confidently and achieve victory!
A woman's perception of her relationship, as well as the language
she uses within a relationship may seem very complicated, and
sometimes confusing. You may find particular things in her language
syntax that are hard to understand and certainly difficult to
interpret! And as if that weren't enough, many women have a tendency
to turn over and over in their heads most of what is said to them,
finding more than what may actually be there.
While men tend to go with the flow without over-analyzing things,
women try to find out what's behind the words they see and hear when
dealing with their loved ones. This process is intuitively part of
their naturally protective circuitry, helping them emotionally guard
themselves and their loved ones. Have you ever heard the statement,
"You don't want to mess with Mother Bear?" This applies here because
women are built as nurturers and maintain a natural curiosity about
their environment, in order to help them protect themselves and
those they love from perceived dangers.
This natural curiosity triggers what I like to call the "need to
know" gene. Women have the "need to know" or to discover all the
"information" about their surroundings and then make judgment calls
as to any dangers that may affect those they love. This of course,
can lead to any number of natural responses to the perceived dangers
of their surroundings and an inherent desire to analyze all causes
and effects. Because curiosity (analyzing) is a natural response for
women, it tends to bleed over into other areas of their lives,
namely their relationships.
In addition to analyzing most of what is said to them, women may
often have hidden meaning in what they say, even if they don't
intend to put it there. Men are not as complicated (in a good way)
with their spoken language. What men say is most often what they
mean. So, why is it that so many women seem to include hidden
messages behind their words? In the same way that women tend to
over-analyze things, sometimes they also include hidden meaning in
their spoken words. The reasons for this can be partially found by
looking at the traditional upbringing and social history of women.
Parents and other adults teach women, at a very early age, that they
need to be strong, confident and know what they want. They are also
told that they need to be assertive and independent in order to
succeed at fulfilling their dreams and desires for their future.
In reality, though, oftentimes the media image of a woman is much
different. Society in general, sees images of successful women on
television and in the movies that are more demure and
non-aggressive, but still get what they need and desire.
The woman on television or in the media, who ends up with the man of
her dreams, may have played it "coy," playing off on her seeming
"need" for the man. The media image presented is often in direct
conflict with the way that a woman may have been raised. Because of
these two conflicting images, women have now received mixed messages
and are subjected to confusing images about the way they should
behave in society. On top of this, women see the men around them as
being intrigued and often fascinated by the media image of a woman,
an image that may not always interconnect with the ideals and values
that they, as women, were brought up with.
Because of this, women may be unsure how to present themselves and
may seek to bring forward aspects of both images at the same time.
As a result, they may confuse the two images, hiding their true
feelings and thoughts deep within their words, all the while
struggling to achieve the final goal of communicating their needs or
"message" to those that participate in their lives.
Our environment has a great deal to do with how we relate and react
to each other as well as how we communicate with other people.
Another huge factor in our character make-up is the individual
chemistry that everyone is born with. While much has been said about
how different the sexes are, how much do we actually know? The facts
show that men and women are conceived equally in terms of their
overall intelligence.
However, somewhere between the twelfth and fourteenth weeks of
pregnancy, there is a testosterone wash that flows over the brain of
a male baby. i This wash does not take place during the formation of
a female baby. Let's take a look at how the brain works and try to
understand why this is so important.
Testosterone is one of the main chemicals that enable the brain to
manufacture and create serotonin, which is an important
neurotransmitter in the brain, causing certain nerve cells in the
brain to activate and become livelier. Serotonin can also act as an
inhibitor. Most neurotransmitters can act as both an exciter and an
inhibitor. Serotonin affects the brain's interior, known as the
ganglia.
The ganglia are the network of the brain, which is divided into two
cells, the L cell and the R cell. Scientists believe that one of
these cells makes serotonin and the other produces dopamine.
Dopamine is "a monoamine neurotransmitter formed in the brain and is
essential to the normal functioning of the central nervous system.
ii" Dopamine acts as an inhibitor in the ganglia, thereby causing a
calming effect and dampening activity.
It is believed that during the testosterone wash, a balance between
the L cells and the R cells are set, determining the amount of
serotonin and dopamine that the brain's network will use. This also
determines how spatially or temporally aware a person is, with men
being born more spatially aware and women more temporally aware. A
person who is spatially aware is generally a “left-brain” individual
and someone who is temporally aware, is generally a “right-brain”
individual.
The word "spatial" is defined as "relating to space. iii" As men are
generally more spatially aware, they tend to be better at judging
distances, which comes in handy during parallel parking! The word
"temporal," meanwhile, is defined as being "of or limited by time.
iv” This may explain why women seem to be able to associate time and
events without much difficulty.
You know what I am talking about here men, that little thing that
really bothers men about women -- she remembers everything she
thinks you have done wrong and when you did it! I believe this is
due in part because of a woman's propensity for temporal awareness.
Because of the testosterone wash, men tend to be more "left- brain"
oriented and women rely more readily on the "right-brain."
"Left-brain" individuals tend to be more interested in facts,
inclined to logic and reason. They are more motivated in providing
for the home and usually more interested in becoming engineers,
mathematicians and scientist. These are just a few career choices
that a "left-brain" individual might make.
A "right-brain" individual tends to be better at, and more
interested in, developing relationships and dealing with emotional
issues. They are more inclined to emotions and passions and are
generally more motivated by investing in the relationships of the
home. Their career choices tend to put them in the roles of
caregivers or into jobs where they can use their artistic,
investigative and research abilities.
This is in contrast to the general tendencies of "left-brained"
individual. Again, a clearer picture begins to be revealed when we
look at the differences between the sexes in this light. Most men
might find a leisurely reading of Popular Mechanics or Programmer's
Security Desk Reference fundamentally more interesting than reading
Ladies’ Home Journal or Parent Child Magazine, while women are just
the opposite.
This is simply a matter of one's interest and NOT an intellectual
issue, as both men and women can be motivated for various reasons to
read on all the subjects mentioned. Remember that both sexes are
born equally in terms of intelligence.
My uncle gave me a funny example the other day of how men see
women's thought patterns when it comes to making decisions. I
thought that this insight was a great example of men conquering and
women looking for sequence and order before they tackle the matter
at hand.
Here's what he had to say: "Men rule by action. Women rule by
committee. For example: Man sees hill, climbs hill. Woman sees hill,
forms discussion group, sets up hill climbing committee, votes for
hill climbing team, schedules climb date, checks rain fall charts,
does studies to locate best path, sends out scouts, and much, much,
much, much later... finally climbs the hill."
The facts stated thus far pertain only to our pre-disposition at
birth. The things we experience each day, the lessons that we are
taught as we move through our daily lives and the personal choices
we make along the way will also be determining factors in how
"left-brain" or "right-brain" we become. These factors will also
directly affect our communication with and relationship to others.
The good news is that since each of us has the freedom to make
personal choices, we can learn to hear and understand each other's
language when we step onto the playing field to begin practice!
"Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn
your commands." Psalms 119:73
Once you step up and onto the playing field, however, you will need
to hear exactly what the coach has to say during practice if you
want to make it to your first game.
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Jaci Rae author of:
Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time
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