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 Men and women have
different values and different ways of accessing intimacy in their
relationships. We all desire intimacy and want our partner to also
be our best friend. Men are generally motivated visually and
tactilely, initially looking for a physical bonding. Women, by
contrast, are generally auditory, motivated by emotion and initially
looking for emotional bonding. So how do we bridge the gap? There
are a few easy and simple techniques that can help you bond and
obtain a deeper intimacy.
First of all, talk to your partner, not at them. How do you talk to
your best friend, the person you go to when you have a problem and
need his or her opinion? Think of that situation and then use that
same approach with the man or woman in your life. Listen to what he
/ she has to say. Really hear your partner’s words and how he / she
say them as well as the tone is used when your partner speaks.
Do you have any dreams for your future? Share them with your
partner. Women especially love to hear about their partner’s dreams
and goals, but there are many men who do as well. Ask your partner
about their dreams and goals for the future and listen without
making comments or judgments. Most importantly, no matter how silly
you think their dreams may be, remember that your partner believes
in them and has hope for them.
As vulnerable and/or afraid as you are that your partner might
reject you when you share your dreams, this is the same way that he
/ she feels when sharing his / hers. Never laugh at your partners
dreams or abuse the knowledge that your partner gives you. Encourage
your partner to continue dreaming and, if you can, try to help him /
her obtain their dreams.
One of the techniques I learned in a seminar I attended a while ago
was what I call "soul gazing" (I don't remember the name they used
in the class, but it's how I felt when I used it, so I named it
that). I would wager that you don't have a clue what I am talking
about. No problem; let me explain. Sit on a comfortable cushion on
the ground. For the man, put your legs out in front of you. Make
sure that you are comfortable and will be comfortable with the
weight of the woman in your life on your lap. For the woman, sit on
your partners lap with your legs wrapped around his waist and
loosely cradled around his back (not tight).
Take each others hands and look into each others eyes. Don't talk
and don't touch any more than holding each other's hands. Doing
this, look deeply into each other's eyes for at least 15 minutes.
You will be amazed at how much deeper your intimacy will become if
you do this at least once a week.
You can actually feel your partner. I have had many couples who,
after trying this technique for the first time, tell me how much it
really enhanced their relationship and what an incredible experience
it was. |
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Jaci Rae author of:
Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time
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