Ladies,
despite rumors to the contrary, we men are very easy to please when
it comes to dating.
Basically, you're looking at two essentials: nudity and a six-pack.
And since some of us aren't actually drinkers, you can usually
forego the brewskis and cut right to the chase.
Yes, some of us cave-dwellers like the simple things in life: A good
steak. A 52-inch Widescreen LCD HDTV with SurroundSound and a 5.1
Home Theatre System with enough woofer and tweeter rumble to detach
our skulls from our spines.
Maybe a couple of floor seats to an NBA game. Or a sexy woman who
shows up at our door wearing nothing but a smile, an oversized
trench coat and a pair of thigh-high leather boots.
Show up with all four and watch our eyes light up like a Vegas slot
machine and you'll be guaranteed that all-important second call.
Heck, because of your initial consideration, we may even call you
when we say we will. And if that isn't a prize, I don't know what
qualifies.
And maybe... just maybe... we'll let you hold the remote.
OK, OK -- so perhaps I'm being a little extreme. Maybe you're just a
little too shy to venture into Adam and Eve territory on the first
date... especially if it's a blind one and you don't even know his
name.
Like I said before, it doesn't take rocket science to satisfy us.
Here are five suggestions for nudity-optional date scenarios that
will let him know you're at least thinking on his wavelength.
By the way, these are strictly for the men who ooze machismo. Wimps
not need apply.
1. RibFest Date
They say the quickest way to get to a man is through his stomach,
and nothing gratifies a guy-gut quicker than hickory-smoked venison
smothered in BBQ sauce. RibFests are ideal because not only do they
offer a number of mouth-watering choices symbolic of the hunt, they
also provide endless amounts of eye candy for both you and him in
case you get bored.
Helpful Hint: Steer him away from the baked beans side dish.
2. WWE Wrestling Date
Nothing says "macho' quite like the sight of two bloodthirsty,
steroid-induced goliaths battling it out for scripted glory. It's
not so much the fact that arena-shaking body slams and
my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours stare-downs heighten the adrenaline
rush. It's the sense of competitive one-upmanship and the lesson
that people can get ahead in life without resorting to cheating and
chair-shots to the head. Had you there, didn't I? Who are we
kidding, it's about the gore! Grrr!
Helpful Hint: Pick up one of those gaudy WWE championship belts
during intermission, and hand it to him as a prize for pinning your
shoulders to the late-night mat, if you understand my drift. After
all, we're all Booker T's just looking for our Queen Sharmel. You'll
forever be his Valet of the Dolls.
3. The MotoCross/Truck Pull/Demolition Derby/Monster Truck
Showdown Date
Ladies, please note: It only takes one
of these events to impress the pants off him -- assuming that's your
intention. But if you can find a sporting combo pack that involves
at least two, you'll be in like flint. Nothing says "I'm interested
in taking this to the next level" like witnessing the carnage
inflicted by the 40-foot high Robosaurus as it snaps wrecks in two
between its metallic jaws, let alone the impact of Monster Trucks
crushing the hoods of other auto castaways. More bonus points: knows
the name "Robosaurus."
Helpful Hint: If it involves wheels and revving engines, he's
hooked.
4. The Oktoberfest Date
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Just make sure you are either
the designated driver or responsible for the cab, because you know
he's going to be chug-a-lugging to his heart's content all night
long. What makes this date so much fun is the number of games you
can play, from counting the number of cans he crushes on his head to
how many beers it takes before he forgets your name. If you're
looking at him as strictly a means to an end, this would be the time
to bring along that check book or draw up legal documents that
entitle you to that smokin' Camaro he has parked in the driveway. He
probably won't even remember that he signed it.
Helpful Hint: If you allow him to sleep it off on your shoulder on
the way home, Scotchguard your clothing in case of unforeseen liquid
"accidents."
5. The Home Depot Date
You may not know the difference between a Mitre Power Saw and a
Black & Decker Drill, but don't worry. Just get him into the
building and he'll lead you to the section that intrigues him most.
This, aside from any sports event, may be where he's the most
talkative. Hopefully that won't bother you. And who knows, you make
pick up a few home renovation tips in the process.
Helpful Hint: When feigning interest, try to become aware of when
your eyes glaze over. Then again, he may be too preoccupied to
notice.
So there you have it: Meat. Beer. Wheels. Crashes. Blood. Gore.
Power tools. The only thing we're missing is that Def Leppard/Styx/Journey
outdoor triple bill that will make him reminisce about all the
tavern cover bands he got drunk to that performed the songs almost
as well as the live acts.
And ladies, if you find none of the above examples appealing or
alluring, remember you've always got the ultimate failsafe for a
back-up:
Nudity.
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