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Man Against Woman – The Six Secrets of Attaining Romance

Men and women are positioned against one another in the battle for more fulfilling relationships; today they are being urged to consider that romantically they are setting themselves up for failure. By holding unrealistic expectations and believing fabrications told to them by pop culture, men and women are paralyzed in their pursuit for romance. At Authentic Messages, a message in a bottle company, we are continually searching for new ways to mobilize people towards a more romantic life.

Women are deceived by the unattainable dream of the romantic man (soon she comes to believe that every man is romantic except the man in her life…despite the fact that all her female friends are experiencing the same dilemma); men are overwhelmed because they bear sole responsibility for the romantic shape of their relationship and they are immobilized by this burden. Unfortunately both end up unsatisfied. Let me tell you a secret – most people aren’t romantic. There is no such thing as the ‘naturally romantic’ person – like most things, romance is learned, practiced and perfected.

From the time they are children, men and women are exposed to innumerable fairy tales where prince charming sweeps the princess off her feet with his romantic tendencies – the last time I checked there weren’t too many prince charming types out there. Okay so there are a handful of ‘prince charmings’ that give all other men a bad reputation – but the only difference between the romantic man and the unromantic man is the amount of time devoted to something they deem to be important. Romantic men have already figured out the 2nd secret (which we believe in at Authentic Messages) – romance really is important.

Women aren’t left blameless in this quest for romance (even though they typically try to absolve themselves of responsibility) – how many women are willing to take responsibility for the lack of romance in their relationships? It’s the 21st century ladies - be accountable! We want to be equal but our ‘rants’ about equality haven’t yet crossed over into the romantic realm. You’ve heard it said time and time again: “Men just aren’t interested in being romanced”. The elusive “being romanced” is really about being appreciated and loved. Who doesn’t like to be appreciated…which leads me to secret number 3 (I like to call #3 the ‘no-brainer’): regardless of gender, people want to feel they are special to another person; they want to be valued for who they are.

When we think about romance, we tend to have tunnel vision. We don’t realize that romance isn’t definable – it can be anything to anyone. What is romantic to Person A may not be the least bit romantic to Person B – why can’t romance be defined? The answer to that is simple – romance is, as secret 3 revealed, about making someone feel loved and appreciated. Ultimately romance is incredible personal. Different things are going to make different people feel loved, so don’t get caught up in the idea that it’s a waste of time to be romantic because your partner doesn’t like, and may even dislike, the mushy romance of movies. Of course this brings us to secret 4 – you need to find the romance that is right for your relationship. Having no definition is what makes romance so accessible to everyone – it has a constantly changing nature that can be manipulated.

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Let’s face it – men and women need a little help and not the kind of help that pop psychologist ‘gurus’ talk about in their infamous (and equally ineffective) relationship books. Men and women need practical help – real life solutions for a real life problem. Men and women need to be inspired. I count myself an unofficial expert in the field of romance because I see it everyday in my line of work at the romantically themed store Authentic Messages – people are coming to the website looking for ways to be more romantic. These people have learned secret #5 – being romantic doesn’t necessarily mean ‘going it alone’. You can acquire help from outside sources to add a little romance in your life.

Unexpectedly military personnel have learned this secret better than any other group of people. Military men and women who are stationed overseas are seeking out realistic solutions to keep the romance alive from thousands of miles away and the internet is helping them in ways not imaginable a decade ago. With the click of a button (and five minutes of their time) those stationed abroad are able to set in motion a process that enables them to communicate and remain connected in meaningful and romantic ways with the partners they have left behind. I’ve never thought much of the old adage that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, however in the case of military men and women ‘absence seems to make the heart grow more romantic’. Leading me to secret #6 – it doesn’t take a lot of time, effort or money to be romantic. Even those in the most remote locations are able to achieve the magic that makes a relationship more special (with the help of outside sources…taking us back to secret #5).

In order for relationships to be the most fulfilling they can be, both men and women need to take an active interest in the pursuit of romance. Arguably communication, trust and commitment are the foundations of any successful relationship; however a building isn’t much with only its foundation. Romance, you might say, is the architectural detailing that makes a building more distinct and similarly a relationship more fulfilling. The basis of romance is encapsulated in the six secrets revealed above and summarized below.

1: There is no such thing as natural romance.
2: Romance is important.
3: Everyone likes to be ‘romanced’.
4: You need to find the romance that is right for your relationship.
5: Being romantic doesn’t mean ‘going it alone’.
6: It doesn’t take a lot of time, effort and money to be romantic.



Copyright © 2004 Julie Steeper, All Rights Reserved Reprint rights restricted.


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