Men and women are positioned against one another
in the battle for more fulfilling relationships; today they are being urged
to consider that romantically they are setting themselves up for failure. By
holding unrealistic expectations and believing fabrications told to them by
pop culture, men and women are paralyzed in their pursuit for romance. At
Authentic Messages, a message in a bottle company, we are continually
searching for new ways to mobilize people towards a more romantic life.
Women are deceived by the unattainable dream of the romantic man (soon she
comes to believe that every man is romantic except the man in her
life…despite the fact that all her female friends are experiencing the same
dilemma); men are overwhelmed because they bear sole responsibility for the
romantic shape of their relationship and they are immobilized by this
burden. Unfortunately both end up unsatisfied. Let me tell you a secret –
most people aren’t romantic. There is no such thing as the ‘naturally
romantic’ person – like most things, romance is learned, practiced and
perfected.
From the time they are children, men and women are exposed to innumerable
fairy tales where prince charming sweeps the princess off her feet with his
romantic tendencies – the last time I checked there weren’t too many prince
charming types out there. Okay so there are a handful of ‘prince charmings’
that give all other men a bad reputation – but the only difference between
the romantic man and the unromantic man is the amount of time devoted to
something they deem to be important. Romantic men have already figured out
the 2nd secret (which we believe in at Authentic Messages) – romance really
is important.
Women aren’t left blameless in this quest for romance (even though they
typically try to absolve themselves of responsibility) – how many women are
willing to take responsibility for the lack of romance in their
relationships? It’s the 21st century ladies - be accountable! We want to be
equal but our ‘rants’ about equality haven’t yet crossed over into the
romantic realm. You’ve heard it said time and time again: “Men just aren’t
interested in being romanced”. The elusive “being romanced” is really about
being appreciated and loved. Who doesn’t like to be appreciated…which leads
me to secret number 3 (I like to call #3 the ‘no-brainer’): regardless of
gender, people want to feel they are special to another person; they want to
be valued for who they are.
When we think about romance, we tend to have tunnel vision. We don’t realize
that romance isn’t definable – it can be anything to anyone. What is
romantic to Person A may not be the least bit romantic to Person B – why
can’t romance be defined? The answer to that is simple – romance is, as
secret 3 revealed, about making someone feel loved and appreciated.
Ultimately romance is incredible personal. Different things are going to
make different people feel loved, so don’t get caught up in the idea that
it’s a waste of time to be romantic because your partner doesn’t like, and
may even dislike, the mushy romance of movies. Of course this brings us to
secret 4 – you need to find the romance that is right for your relationship.
Having no definition is what makes romance so accessible to everyone – it
has a constantly changing nature that can be manipulated.
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Let’s face it – men and women need a little help
and not the kind of help that pop psychologist ‘gurus’ talk about in their
infamous (and equally ineffective) relationship books. Men and women need
practical help – real life solutions for a real life problem. Men and women
need to be inspired. I count myself an unofficial expert in the field of
romance because I see it everyday in my line of work at the romantically
themed store Authentic Messages – people are coming to the website looking
for ways to be more romantic. These people have learned secret #5 – being
romantic doesn’t necessarily mean ‘going it alone’. You can acquire help
from outside sources to add a little romance in your life.
Unexpectedly military personnel have learned this secret better than any
other group of people. Military men and women who are stationed overseas are
seeking out realistic solutions to keep the romance alive from thousands of
miles away and the internet is helping them in ways not imaginable a decade
ago. With the click of a button (and five minutes of their time) those
stationed abroad are able to set in motion a process that enables them to
communicate and remain connected in meaningful and romantic ways with the
partners they have left behind. I’ve never thought much of the old adage
that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, however in the case of military
men and women ‘absence seems to make the heart grow more romantic’. Leading
me to secret #6 – it doesn’t take a lot of time, effort or money to be
romantic. Even those in the most remote locations are able to achieve the
magic that makes a relationship more special (with the help of outside
sources…taking us back to secret #5).
In order for relationships to be the most fulfilling they can be, both men
and women need to take an active interest in the pursuit of romance.
Arguably communication, trust and commitment are the foundations of any
successful relationship; however a building isn’t much with only its
foundation. Romance, you might say, is the architectural detailing that
makes a building more distinct and similarly a relationship more fulfilling.
The basis of romance is encapsulated in the six secrets revealed above and
summarized below.
1: There is no such thing as natural romance.
2: Romance is important.
3: Everyone likes to be ‘romanced’.
4: You need to find the romance that is right for your relationship.
5: Being romantic doesn’t mean ‘going it alone’.
6: It doesn’t take a lot of time, effort and money to be romantic.
Copyright © 2004 Julie Steeper,
AuthenticMessages.com All Rights Reserved Reprint rights restricted.
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