Watch For The Red Flags

(Excerpt from the book 'Men Don't Listen')

A number of years ago, one of the well-known women’s magazines surveyed divorced women. One question asked was, “Why did you get a divorce?” The answers were--he was lazy, would not work, an alcoholic, on drugs, cheated, was abusive (emotional, physical, sexual, mental, verbal), and many other reasons.

The next question was “Did you know that he had this problem before you married him?” The answer for a very large percentage of the divorced women was, “Yes.” The next question was, “Why did you marry him knowing that there was a problem?” The answer was, “I thought that if I gave him my love and if he loved me enough, he would change.”

My advice to my women readers is that you should not marry a man that you know has a problem.

If you really love him, confront him now. Make a demand that if he wants you he must go to counseling and correct the problem first. If he will not solve the problem first, walk away and do not turn around. Be careful that if he gets counseling and changes, you wait at least six months to one year after counseling is complete to see that he does not slip back into his previous pattern. Do this procedure before you marry him, and you will lower the odds of getting a divorce afterwards.

If my men readers see themselves in the following list beware. It very well could be that you couldn’t keep a relationship because you do fit these areas, or you’re about to lose the one who loves you because you refuse to see yourself.

SOME WARNING SIGNALS:

• Watch how he acts with others. (If he is not nice, chances are he will treat you the same.)
• Does he drink? How much?
• Does he take drugs?
• Do you feel stifled?
• Is he abusive?
• Does he hurt animals?
• What kind of relationship does he have with his mother, father, brothers, sisters, kids, etc.
• Does he respect the law?
• Does he cheat?
• Do little things he is doing bother you?
• Does he lie?
• Does he steal?
• Is he short tempered?
• Does he drive like a maniac?
• Do your friends tell you he is no good for you?
• Does he yell at or curse other drivers?
• Does he feel nothing is ever his fault?
• Can he admit when he is wrong or makes a mistake?
• Will he say he is sorry?
• Would you rather stay home than see him?
 

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• Starting Again
• Watch For The Red Flags
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AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY

Wayne L. Misner is owner of Healthcare CIO, a consultant company in New Jersey. He has been in the healthcare field for thirty-five years. In addition, he became the Vice President of Programs and Education for a NJ chapter of Parents Without Partners, where he moderated men and women’s groups across the state. For ten years, he had the opportunity to facilitate many groups of men and women who were struggling with not being able to listen. While at the Rehabilitation Hospital he also was a facilitator of the women’s group for both inpatients and outpatients.
Over all these years he has installed systems in Jersey Shore Medical Center (Meridian Health System), St. Elizabeth Hospital (Trinitas), and Morristown Medical Center (Atlantic Health System). In addition, he has directed the Information Systems Centers at Carrier Rehabilitation Hospital and Shore Memorial Hospital. As Vice President of the Princeton based NJ Hospital Association, Mr. Misner represented all the hospital members directing, “The Hospital Information System.”

He is the father of two sons and one daughter and is one of the men he has written about.
 

This work is copyrighted by the author. No unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2004 Wayne L. Misner All Rights Reserved Reprinted With Permission.

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