Another male client
had recently retired from his mental health career. Jim, too was tall,
attractive, intelligent and articulate and looked much younger than
his years. The woman he had been living with had left him and went to
another state to take care of some business problems. He stated how
relieved he was to be free of her as their relationship had been
chaotic with a great deal of arguing and his daily life was now
peaceful. He further stated that she had attempted suicide several
times and had made his life ‘a living hell’, that she in fact had
serious mental problems and at times was physically violent toward
him. He wanted to meet someone with whom he could establish a stable
relationship but was not prepared to start dating until this woman
returned and removed her belongings from his apartment.
When I did not hear
from Jim for a while, I called him to follow up. He told me that she
has back with him and now wanted to get married. He insisted he was
going to ask her to leave and would get back to me in a few days -
which he did not do. I again called him out of concern for his mental
health and physical safety. He now stated he could not ask her to
leave as ‘it would upset her’ and that she needed him in her life. His
existence was again hellish but he had no immediate plans to improve
his life. Again, the Path of Least Resistance!
Jennifer is in her late forties, very attractive with an athletic
build. I have known her personally for a number of yeas. She is now on
her third marriage. Her first marriage lasted for fifteen years. She
related how she had been dating her first ex, thought he was nice but
was not in love with him. However, he pressured her so much that she
agreed to marry him.
She met her second husband in a country and western bar. He wanted his
‘green card’ very much and asked three different women to marry him.
When they all refused, he asked Jennifer. Pressured her. She, of
course, yielded and married him although she was aware of being number
four on his list. They remained married for a month past the three
years needed for him to obtain his coveted green card and he then
divorced her.
Jennifer met husband number three in an area frequented by tourists.
He was from another state. They dated for awhile and she told me he
was ‘okay’. Again, he pressured her and they are now married. Path of
Least Resistance!
These people are not weak in most areas of life but let others take
the lead and manipulate them in a very important area: relationships.
They are apparently fearful of being alone and rather than be
responsible for trying to meet their special person, they allow others
to impose their will upon them - usually being aware they are not
happy with this person but finding it easier than resisting and
attempting to find happiness.
Article by Terri Arnold
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Terri Arnold, MS has been a Psychotherapist for 20+
years and has also owned and operated a brick and mortar dating service.
She now invites you to visit her websites at
www.neshami-jewish-singles.com and
www.spicy-senior-singles.com .
This work is copyrighted by the author. No
unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2004 Terri
Arnold All Rights Reserved Reprinted With Permission.
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