I wanted to send a
warning out to all of my relationship-seeking friends concerning the nature
of a potentially possessive and controlling new companion. It might seem
that your new boyfriend or girlfriend has a small insecurity problem and you
might even think it is cute when he or she sticks by your side, asks you all
sorts of personal questions, wants all of the details of your past
relationships and demands to know whom you talk to. You might even be
flattered by all of the sudden attention. But I want you to stop and
seriously assess your relationship if your new partner is coming on a bit
too strong. There might be a very serious and negative drawback to this
behavior.
When you first get involved with someone who is a bit pushy you may be so
turned off you will end up walking away. But every so often you come across
what seems to be the greatest person you have ever met, and even though he
or she is a little bit “over the top”, you don't care because you are
falling in love with that person irregardless of his or her possessive
nature. You can't help it, everyone falls in love from time to time. If that
person is seriously falling in love with you too, that is why he/she is
treating you in such a controlling manner. However, their feelings are
coming out in a controlling form due to a much deeper philosophy.
Pretty soon that person is checking your email, demanding to know which
ex-lover you still speak to, asking who you speak to at work who might be of
the opposite sex and more. The attention flatters you and you might even
fall deeper in love because you are convinced that this attention means that
they are really serious about you! You get the good attention along with the
bad. He or she talks about the future a lot, maybe even mentions marriage
and says how obsessed and in love they are with you. Its a great feeling!
You become entranced in the relationship and you might even become fused
into one person as time goes on. Their reasons for why they are so worried
about your affairs seem genuine. He or she is only concerned about your
intent, right?
Then the relationship
goes up a notch. Your obsessed and possessive partner asks you not
to talk to certain people of the opposite sex, mainly your exes, you
can't go out for a night with your girlfriends or guy friends, he or
she calls you constantly, your phone calls, text messages and emails
are continuously monitored and pretty soon it gets to the point
where you are not even allowed to speak to someone of the opposite
sex. At first you might resist. But after much persuasion by your
lover, you begin to see his or her side of the situation, and the
intentions start to look noble. He or she might tell you that it is
a simple matter of respect for the relationship, and that he or she
would do the exact same thing for you if only asked. You begin to
believe that your behavior has been wrong this whole entire time and
that you must change it. After that, it all goes downhill from
there. You fall into a co-dependent state within the relationship.
Pretty soon, all you know is your lover. You have been isolated from
any and all of your friends and you begin to depend on your lover
emotionally. That is when the floor drops right beneath your feet
with the noose tight around your neck.
There is a main and fundamental reason why your loved one was acting
so suspicious, controlling and possessive. The reason why, and I am
sure you have heard this before, is because he or she is afraid you
will treat them they way they are prone to behave. For example, if
your man or woman is suspicious of you flirting with other people,
that is because your lover is the real flirt. If they are afraid you
are talking to exes, that is because they do it all the time. And
trust me, if your lover tells you that he or she would do the same
for you when asking you to cut off communications with a particular
person, trust me....they won't. And of course the same goes for
cheating. If your loved one is constantly worried or suspicious that
you might cheat, guess why? Your lover is prone to cheating. You
might think that this is different in your case. You might think
that, “No, he or she only acts this way because my lover is crazy
about me!”. I hate to break it to you, but that is not the real
reason why. It is true that this person might be, and probably is,
crazy about you! But there are deeper reasons for this insane
behavior. He or she is worried that you might cheat because that
person holds the cheating heart.
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