has ever asked me,
"Cucan, is it possible that we can go back to the way we are; that
things will be the same as it is initially when we first meet, or
when we first fall in love?"
is, you can't fall in love forever! One day you will fall out of it.
In fact, change if the only constant in this world. Things can't be
staying the same all the time.
Because of change, life is forever beautiful and spontaneous!
But because of your faith, you can stay together till the end of
To keep your partner in the relationship with you, what you can do
is to learn how to get out of fights and disagreements as quickly as
1. Be aware of the times when you assert yourself too strongly.
Try to catch yourself the urge to question his whereabouts, her
hairstyle, him not spending time with the babies, her not behaving
in the way you want in front of your friends, etc.
Understand that you can fall into the trap of wanting to see your
partner as how you want it to be, not how he or she wants his or her
life to be.
2. Understand that when we feel hurt, or feel offended, the feelings
is our response.
One morning you could go to work feeling miserable, or with your
self-confidence shaken because of some adverse experience.
Your partner comes by and give you a hug, and you feel good about
But not today. Today you are suffering tensions of self-doubt,
anxiety and insecurity. We take his action in the wrong way, become
offended. This is when quarrels occurs, breakups happen.
So, remember this, we are injured and hurt emotionally, not so much
by other people or what they say or don't say, but by our own
attitude and our own response.
3. Remind yourself that you have the power to be able to pause.
Be willing to see the truth, select an appropriate response, thereby
CHOOSING the direction your relationship with your loved one would
Remember this: no one react to "things as they are," but to his own
mental images or OPINIONS of what is happening.
Most of the time your partner's reaction or actions is not taken to
frustrate or disappoint you, but because he (she) "understands" and
interprets the situation differently from us.
Always ask yourself this question "Why he (she) might "act the way
he (she) does?"
4. Don't add your own opinions to facts.
Fact: Your wife asks for more space and freedom from you. Opinion:
She does not care about our relationship anymore.
Fact: Your boyfriend orders the food he likes. Opinion: He never
thinks of what I would like to eat today.
Fact: Your husband throws his clothes onto the bed after work.
Opinion: He does this to purposely irritate me.
You kick up a fuss. Most likely other unrelated stuff will be
brought in and a storm will begin.
Ask yourself, are you reacting to your own opinions?
5. Train yourself to always possess a feeling of constructive
influencing of your partner through your own personality instead.
Do you know something?
Many people do feel themselves as incapable and lousy that they
can't seem to be able resolve a fight or quarrel with their partner.
So what do they do? They continue to fight, and they continue to
Just remind yourself that 2 people can look at the same thing
differently. If you catch yourself arguing for something not
important at all, decide to walk away from it at once! Decide that
it is just not worth it to spoil a wonderful relationship over a
Remember, being in a relationship is not "never fight with my
boyfriend", nor is it "never argue with my wife".
It's how quickly you can snap out of a disturbing situation.
Article by Cucan Pemo ( Author of 'Retrieve A Lover' )
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This work is copyrighted by the author. No unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed. Copyright © 2006 Cucan Pemo, All Rights Reserved Reprinted With Permission
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