Do you share 'importance' in your relationships?
by Cucan Pemo (Author of 'Retrieve A Lover' )
Before you attempt to bring back a lost mate, you have to understand why people leave and what makes people stay.
When you first fall in love, ask yourself why you fall in love. According to Dr Rob, falling in love and getting into a relationship is like a "mutual filling of needs".
Whether you realize it or not, you go into a relationship and choose to be with a person because you feel that your partner is fulfilling some of your emotional needs.
You feel good to be around with him/her.
You have new things to share with each other.
You feel you can learn something from your partner, whether it's to advance spiritually or to grow as a person.
You feel empowered whenever you can fulfill your partner's needs and wants or being able to contribute to his/her growth as a human or well-being (the crave for power and recognition)
Now, step back and think from your partner's point of view. He or she is experiencing one or more of the above, just like YOU, as a human.
A partner leaves when he or she loses any one or more of the above with you.
A partner also leaves for someone else because he or she can get one or more of the above from the other person.
If you want your partner to stay, or if you want to keep your partner, think about what you can do or change to save your relationship.
Don't come and tell me you cannot change because of habits or whatsoever.
If you cannot change and learn to make use of your creative mechanism within, your external world cannot change for you either.
2. If people don't feel important, they are not motivated to stay.
Let your partner know often enough that they are valued and loved, but no strings attached.
If people don't feel important, they are not motivated to stay.
No one wants to be a commodity, easily replaced by someone off the street. If they are regarded as expendable, they will leave for someone where they feel appreciated.
Some of my readers are so fearful of making the connection with their partner again that they hold back again and again.
The trick here is you have to get out there and make the connection. Call him or her up and say something to show that you care. Date him or her. It doesn't matter if you are being rejected or getting a negative response. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or that you are lousy. The most important thing is you have tried. And if you are getting negative responses, you go back to step one and check on yourself again.
If you fail faster, you'll going to discover a couple of winning strategies!
And this is the type of attitude and mindset all successful people have in common.
3. Understand what your partner wants.
Your partner is often a reflection of WHO YOU ARE and where you are at so I urge you to try and observe and study yourself and your partner.
Being human beings we are always looking for opportunities for advancement. People, including you or your partner, want to learn, to sharpen our skills, or learn new ones.
When we go into a relationship or marriage there is always something that we want to learn out of it. If we are able to grow and develop as a human being in this relationship we want to keep it and stay in it for as long as we can.
There is no reason why anyone would want to walk out of a relationship if this want is being fulfilled.
This is why it is important you maintain healthy social life and active lifestyle so that you are constantly learning new things and having new experiences to share with your loved ones!
This is why experts encourage you to never stop dating and having fun in your relationship life!
And this is also why YOU have to allow the opportunity for your partner to find growth opportunities with you. Give him or her the freedom to learn, grow, and advance spiritually as a human being.
Help him/her grow.
4. People really do want to know that they do a good job in their relationship.
This applies to both YOU yourself and your partner!
Note: this is a want!
Understanding this, you would realize that when people are frustrated by too many rules, a not-so-understanding-and-appreciative partner, and red tape in a relationship, they'll want to look for elsewhere to breathe. Or, they'll gravitate towards someone else who can make them feel appreciated.
And you wouldn't want this to happen!
To help your partner stay in the relationship or marriage, give them the care and understanding they deserve. Also, try to understand and realize what it is that your partner seek from the relationship.
Don't ever try to ask your mate what is it they want. At times, they'll even find it hard to answer you. They might respond with things like "I don't know what I want", "I don't know who I am", etc. etc
Make a study of all the people around you. Observe them. Ask yourself why are you behaving the way you are. Why is your mate behaving and thinking the way he/she is.
I guaranteed you that you'll learn more about yourself and your mate than you'll learn in school and from textbooks . In schools, they don't even teach these stuff!
5. People want to do something meaningful in their work and their life!
Many people mistakenly thought that once they go into a relationship with they partners they can dictate how their partners live their life.
This is not true love.
All of us, including you and your partner, want to do something meaningful in their work today and life today. We are constantly looking for ways to make a difference, either for ourselves, for other people or for our loved ones!
And yes, this is a need. It is that which makes us feel alive as a human.
For many women, they define their relationships as their most meaning work in life. But women, remember that this is not true for most men. Men might define something else as their meaningful work in life and you have to work around looking after your needs and his needs as well. The same goes for men.
Don't dictate how your mate is going to live his/her life. At times, they need to go through certain aspects of life and circumstances to learn powerful lessons from them. They might meet with certain obstacles and difficulties that may directly or indirectly affect his/her relationship with you.
What you can do is to offer your support, care and understanding.
Article by Cucan Pemo ( Author of 'Retrieve A Lover' )
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