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 26
Reasons Why Relationships Fail And How To Know If You Are Having
Unhealthy, Sad Relationships
Unhealthy,
sad relationships have some general notable characteristics in
common. Here are 26 basic guidelines for reference. They are not in
order of importance.
Avoidance – Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid
facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep
down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves
appear superior. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that
their mates really aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person
A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is
always late coming home from work and almost always misses family
functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up
excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that
it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. Or
Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.
Burnout – Although many can carry out romance throughout their
entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end,
in reality. And those who can keep the “love” fires burning, not 24
/ 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better
chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and
don’t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In
short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low
times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with
marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down,
if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a
fake substitution – maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting
“high,” or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships
can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add
some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together
more, talk more, etc.
Compatibility Issues – Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s
great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships are about
getting your needs met – at least on some level. And constant
negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a
difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the
first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in
conflict over issues with which they can’t agree. Check out the
complete Love By Design System to find out if HE or SHE is the one
for you today!
Devotional Void – A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for
unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing.
Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being “in love” 24/7
doesn’t necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a
“loving” committed relationship can make the difference.
Enthusiasm Dwindles – If you don’t add in some spice once in awhile,
you can get the same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines
can lose that spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their
relationships if they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or
forget to flavor their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.
Forgiveness Void – No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life.
Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on
having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based
or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative
feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted
flowers. They need tending to or they’ll die.
Guise - Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a
solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the
whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might say.
Pretending wears thin and doesn’t last long.
Harm – Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to
unhealthy relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful
moment might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone
hasn’t been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by
the other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and
repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in
relationships – or life.
Indulgence – Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy
behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a
craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in
secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is
a pathway to unhealthy relationships.
Just say yes – Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits
is another possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one
person in the relationship has a difficult time saying “Yes” and
setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third
or forth - - rarely first in the other person’s eyes and agenda. And
while it’s fine to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time
for priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel and
share the value of being number one with one another.
Kick the Dog – Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although
that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy
relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes
this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy
release of anger. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they
generally deal with stress. Help is available.
Lemons – Unhealthy relationships often have at least one party who
can’t seem to make lemonade out of life’s lemons. Maybe he or she
has the wrong recipe. Or maybe the person is a bad cook. But
assistance is needed in this department!
Management Mania – Remember the “Odd Couple?” A super manager
personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Likewise a
super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give and take is called
for.
“Neverland” – Ever heard something this in an argument, “You
never….?” Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the
“always” and “nevers” in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship
issues. It’s rare that someone does or does not do something 100
percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during
opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!)
Ominous – Bad or ominous feelings, an omen…a feeling deep inside
that tells you something is wrong - this often accompanies unhealthy
relationships.
Pressure – When one party pressures (or forces) the other to have
sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.
Questions – Part of communicating is asking and answering questions.
If this process causes problems, i.e. even the simplest of questions
arouses anger, suspicions, fighting, etc., this is a trait often
found with unhealthy relationships. The party who has difficulty
answering questions may be hiding something, dealing with control
issues or dealing with substance abuse (or other).
Responds Inappropriately – Some characteristics of unhealthy
relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate, using
threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate responses suggest
unhealthy environment between the couple.
Silence – Silence isn’t always golden, as the saying goes. If one
person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very
brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship.
Treatment – If healthcare treatments are being ignored or stopped
without the help of a professional; for example, in the case of
stopping anti-depressant medication after a severe (negative)
episode (like suicide), this can signal an unhealthy relationship.
People need to take care of themselves and not leave everything up
to their mates in relationships.
Untidy / Unkempt – When one or both partners disregards physical
appearance for the duration (long-term, not just for a weekend),
this signals an unhealthy relationship. One or both could be abusing
substances, for example, or suffering depression.
Verbal Abuse /Violate – When one or both partners use verbal abuse
and / or violate or cause harm to the other’s person or personal
property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy
relationship. People should respect each other and each other’s
property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.
Weapons – Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if it’s a
household (or other) item used as a weapon is a sign of an unhealthy
relationship.
Xerox – A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when a person is
copying another, failing to be himself or herself. Some personality
disorders are also characterized by this trait that reportedly shows
up in a number of unhealthy relationships. And help is available.
Youthful Outlook / Emotions – An energetic, youthful attitude toward
life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions
can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need
maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish
displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., don’t have much
place in healthy, growing partnerships.
Zero – Growing relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is
difficult to multiply. Got to start somewhere! |
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