The hard work of attraction starts with you
Most of us have tried some sort of self-help or self-improvement plan at some point in our adult lives. It's only natural to want to change, especially (and stereotypically) at the start of a New Year.
But most people who try to tackle an obstacle in their lives, despite taking the first step, typically FAIL. Usually this is after only a brief period of giving it a try.
Why does this pattern repeat itself over and over? And what makes the difference in the lives of the relatively few people who succeed at making real and lasting change in their lives?
Well, in the case of dieting and exercise, the answer may be as simple as it's just too difficult to break the habits one has to in order to get into better shape. Indeed, the media knows this and therefore there's a marketing bonanza tied to endless physical self-help programs. The same can be said for programs designed to help smokers quit.
But that sort of stuff's not my job anyway, at least not directly. I'm here to help you relate better to the opposite gender and attract better quality people to go out on a date with. What's more, I'd love to see you never, ever SETTLE ever again. I'm all about assisting you in finding, attracting and DESERVING the most amazing person you have ever met.
With that the case, the job in store for me today is break down the mystery surrounding why most people who CAN AND SHOULD do something to improve their dating life, and who ABSOLUTELY COULD end a pattern of attracting WRONG PEOPLE and/or CHRONIC LONELINESS…don't.
So here we go. Follow me closely here, because what you are about to experience here is BRAND NEW material.
Although I do think that there's a parallel between the difficulties associated with dieting (for example) and those of becoming wildly successful in the dating world, I'm firmly convinced that there is a more powerful force at work.
In our culture, there is a high premium placed on BEING REAL, or BEING YOURSELF.
Being branded "fake" is one of the greatest fears anyone faces in his or her social circle. Most of us avoid like the plague been viewed as "superficial", "trying too hard", "overcompensating", "being something we aren't", "brown-nosing" or anything similar to that in nature.
But here's the truth. Self-improvement, by its very definition, requires CHANGE. Sure, a lot of people resist any form of change, but the problem we're talking about runs much deeper. If and when old habits need to die, new habits have got to replace them.
And habits are not formed overnight.
The civil war we invariably face centers around that time gap between when we start to intentionalize new behaviors and when those new behaviors become habit.
During that time, those new behaviors really, truly are not "us" yet, are they? This really is a legitimate point. The fact is absolutely, positively that our lot is to be "fake" for a period of time until the old habit is beaten down and the new behavior is second nature.
And because of that, most of us-either consciously or unconsciously-rationalize against making the change. The risk of appearing "fake" seems to outweigh the benefit of making changes.
But you and I both know the truth. If we are NOT attracting and keeping the caliber of person we desire in the dating world, we have GOT to do something to DESERVE what we want. This is, like dieting, HARD WORK. And on top of all else…yes…it involves the excruciating discomfort and marked social risk of enduring a period of behavior change that those around us will likely recognize as such.
Now that you have some added insight into what is going on behind the scenes, though, do you somehow feel better equipped to stay the course? Having brought unconscious reasoning to the conscious level, can you face the fear of social scrutiny vis-à-vis the reward at the other side?
I trust your answer is a resounding YES to those questions. The good news is that some new habits can and will be formed in your life much more quickly than you might suspect. The better news is that once you successfully navigate a few new habits, the momentum builds and it becomes more natural to implement change. The BEST news, however, is that the end game is arriving at the echelon of "quality singles" who deserves the top 1%.
And there is no other goal more worthy than earning a relationship with the greatest man or woman you've ever met. And there is no greater feeling than knowing that wherever you go the most amazing man or woman in the room is with YOU.
Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found here Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.
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Scot McKay is the founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the book 'Deserve What You Want', and hosts the popular podcast series 'X & Y On The Fly' with his fiancée Emily. Sign up for the unique and entertaining newsletter here and receive a FREE GIFT.