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Am I Being Shallow Or Am I Just Not Settling?

You make her feel like a woman, and you are that man.

Have you ever been told you were being “too shallow” when you expressed to someone what you were looking for in a partner? I know I have.

Deserve What You Want ebook. Click Here!If we say we want our future mate to look a certain way, we get the “shallow” routine from people we talk to. Numerous women I’ve talked to report that they draw similar disdain when they say they want an “intelligent” man. (Hmmm…so why don’t men hear that when they express such a desire for the woman they hope to meet?)

Furthermore, we all know what a woman’s going to hear if she says she hopes for a mate who is financially successful. My educated guess is it’s probably something similar to what a guy hears when he talks about what kind of body his future mate should have.

So is there anything to this accusation of “being shallow” as single people in particular so often hear? Should we all “lighten up” on potential dates? After all…what we are hoping and dreaming of is a bit unreasonable, isn’t it?

My answer is unequivocally NOT. If refusing to settle for any less than the mate I am going to be thrilled to be with is “shallow”, than I’m a “kiddie pool” among men. You’d better believe it. After all, I plan to spend the rest of my life with this woman, so why should I “settle” for half-hearted unfulfillment of broken dreams?

My personal pet peeve is when someone tells me, “You shouldn’t be so ‘picky’. After all—you aren’t perfect.”


And who is perfect, for that matter? I happen to believe that people who are “perfect”, whoever they are, must have a really hard time finding someone to date. After all, who is good enough for someone who is perfect? Kind of an ironic twist, isn’t it?

My opinion is that we tend to be attracted to people who look a lot like us, have the same values as we do, and share other similar things—like a sense of humor, for example. My girlfriend (and “podcast princess”) Emily disagrees. She thinks people tend to go for someone who is a lot different than they are. You know, the old “we complete each other” bit.

Well, here it is: it really doesn’t matter which one of us has it figured out. Neither situation involves someone going after a “perfect” person, does it? Whether I want to find someone who is a lot like me or who “completes” me she’s not a Barbie doll.

When we’re considering who it is that we want to spend the rest of our life with out of the six billion souls on Planet Earth, I hereby declare that each and every one of us has every right to consider very diligently exactly who that person should be and which traits he or she should have. In fact, I highly recommend you do so.

And once you do that, make sure you are the kind of mate who is going to make that person equally thrilled to spend a lifetime with you. Deserve what you want.

Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found here Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.

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Scot McKay is the founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the book 'Deserve What You Want', and hosts the popular podcast series 'X & Y On The Fly' with his fiancée Emily.  Sign up for the unique and entertaining newsletter here and receive a FREE GIFT.

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Deserve What You Want ebook. Click Here!
Scot McKay author of:'Deserve What You Want'

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