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 Lately
I’ve been getting an unusually high number of emails from people
asking about certain phrases they are hearing on dates and what the
true message might be behind them. Surprisingly, the messages that
are being sent are often quite obvious ones in these cases…it’s just
that when we’re the ones hearing these things we have a hard time
applying them as truth in our own situations.
Now when the message is basically “get lost, creep”, you tend to get
your answer whether you figure it out on your own or not…there
simply aren’t any more dates.
But what about when you hear something that sounds a lot like a
major vote of confidence? How’s your “field vision” there? That’s
the central point of today’s message. Besides, this is a lot more
happenin’ a conversation than agonizing over “rejection”. I think I
like talking about “approval” much
better.
So enough, already. Let’s have at it. Here are the “Top Ten” most
common phrases (or iterations thereof) you’re likely to hear when
you’ve succeeded wildly at creating massive attraction. Most of
these can be considered “equal opportunity” as far as men and women
are concerned. In other words, this is mostly a “coed” list. I’ll
indicate when there’s a leaning in a particular direction as far as
usage goes. One caveat: certain of the following can be applied for
purely manipulative reasons (i.e. to “reel in the biscuit”), but
even in those cases you can at the baseline level believe the person
across the table is digging you. Here goes:
1) “You are amazing.”
Maybe a guy or two butters a woman up with this one, but it’s still
nice to hear no matter which gender is delivering the message. Guys,
if a woman utters this one you’ve essentially overwhelmed her with
more positive feelings than she can keep up with. This simple phrase
sums it up…perfectly. In fact, it ranks as arguably the
highest-level statement of overarching approval a woman can offer a
man she as yet barely knows. Perhaps second only to…
2) “Are you for real?”
Yeppers, troops. You hear this and you’ve fallen into the “Too Good
To Be True Zone”. You can rest assured that you are a man or woman
who deserves what s/he wants…majorly. Similar sentiments include:
“OK…what’s the bad news about you? Spit it out.”, “When am I going
to wake up from this dream?”, “Is this a fairy tale?”, etc.
Yes…you’re real, thank you. And s/he digs you for it.
3) “I’m speechless.”
If accompanied by a countenance that indicates delight, you have
indeed succeeded at—once again—overwhelming your date with positive
warm fuzzies. If the look is one of disgust, well…um…that would be
the opposite reason one would be “speechless”. Obviously, you’re
looking forward to the former.
4) “It’s like we’ve known each other for ten years!”
This one is particularly poignant when you’ve actually known each
other…um…ten minutes. When you hear this, you know you’ve succeeded
in connecting with someone at the heart level. This is powerful
stuff. We know how important it is for a woman to feel comfortable
with the man she’s with. Here’s your point-blank message that it’s
happening. Rapport has been established. Now keep up the good work.
5) “Wow. You’re different.”
Again, look at the facial expression accompanying this one. If it’s
the raised-eyebrow “Uh…yeah, right…” look, you’re hurtin’ for
certain. But…if it’s a curious look of wonderment that signals rapt
attention, well then you’re on to something my good friend. Often
followed closely by #1 and/or #2. See also “Who are you?”, “What is
this feeling…what are you doing to me?”, etc.
6) “Can this night never end?”
Also rendered as, “Can we stop time?”, “I wish this moment could
last forever”, etc. Let’s face it; unless you are creating some
serious attraction here, s/he wouldn’t be speaking in such eternal
overtones. Really. Too bad some guys know how to manipulate with
such a phrase, but let’s think positively. In other words, see for
yourself if this one isn’t blazing the proverbial trail for…
7) “When can I see you again?”
Sorry guys. You sound hella needy if you blurt this one out. But I’m
a big boy and I know it happens out there nonetheless. Whatever your
gender, hear this and you not only know a second date is available
to you …you can count on the fact that your date is really, really
looking forward to
it.
8) “How can you still be single?”
For reasons I can’t quite put a finger on, this one is my personal
favorite. It straight-up says it all, doesn’t it? Incidentally, a
great comeback for this one would be “Because I’m as picky as you
are”. Life is sweet when great people deserve each other, isn’t it?
In case you’re wondering, a particularly poor comeback would be
“Uhh…actually, I’m not.”
And now, lest I keep you hanging, I came up with one gender-specific
one for, well…each specific gender.
9) Glowing, smiling, laughing.
Not really a “phrase” per se, but a man can and should hear this
every bit as clearly as anything spoken. The woman who glows and
can’t stop smiling is communicating her interest more effectively
than a thousand words ever could. Guys, if you have never
experienced “The Glow”, it’s likely because you are “failing to
deploy” when it comes to igniting femininity. Sex-focused guys
rarely get a glimpse. And believe me, you want some of
this.
10) “She is a cool girl.”
Game over. We have a winner. Attraction, enjoyment, mad respect…all
rolled into one easy utterance from the guy. We guys don’t say this
unless we mean it. And when we mean it, we know we are dealing with
an all-around amazing woman.
So back to the original point that I made at the top of the page.
Isn’t it flat-out bizarre that people can at times fail to recognize
such blatant messages of approval? Yet, it happens all the time. At
least now YOU don’t have to be unsure when you find the pleasure of
having any of the above niceties uttered in your general direction.
Of course, it’s hard to come up with an exhaustive list of such
“jackpot phrases” in this space.
So here’s a good exercise: When you hear a phrase that you think
might be an indication of interest from someone (at any level), ask
yourself how you would perceive the conversation had you overheard
it as a third party. If you are reasonably sure that you would
recognize it as the words of someone who is attracted to the other,
then show some confidence and allow yourself to believe it can (and
indeed does) apply when YOU are the one directly involved.
Disarmingly simple (as so much is when it comes to dating strategy),
but who actually visualizes situations like this when they are
happening? If you said “almost nobody”, then you would be correct.
Deserve what you want... and hit the jackpot!
Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who
refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found
at:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for
the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and
practical dating tips. |
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Scot McKay author of:
'Deserve What You Want'
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