6 things men need to understand about protecting their woman
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard a woman say she wants to be “protected” by a man. Stereotypically, I tend to think of a petite little cutie uttering these words, either because she has a genuine concern that lawless thugs are going to be attempting to “whack” her, or because she’d just rather not break a nail fending them off.
Whatever mental picture we have, it’s safe to say that most of us guys assume that a woman is talking about being physically protected from harm by others when she talks like this…thanks, of course, to our manly presence as a deterrent. Sure. Women want a “bodyguard”, right?
Not so fast.
I’ve heard women talk like this who know how to “defend” themselves quite well, thank you. So what’s up with that?
If more of us guys would seek to better understand what drives a woman’s frame of mind here, I think we would be amazed.
Make no mistake, I don’t question that most women would think it’s nice to have a man around when they hit the ATM machine late at night, or something like that. But, let’s be realistic—that’s not the kind of priority a woman is putting near the top of her wish list when it comes to finding a mate.
Look closely at the language a woman uses when she expresses the sentiment of being “protected”. She may phrase it as, “I want him to keep me safe”. “I want to feel secure when he is with me.” Most of the time women are talking about very similar desires—and it goes MUCH deeper than mere physical protection from outside influences.
Yeppers. Women are talking about a more general feeling of “safety” here. They don’t want a “goon” who can beat up people for her, they want to be safe at all times, and in every situation. If this sounds like a formidable plan for a guy to pull off, it is. No worries—I have six simple steps to making a woman feel “protected” that any guy can learn. Learning these should make the process easier for you. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?
1) Avoid Dangerous Situations
Women want to feel confident that they will get home in one piece from a date. So, guys, if you make a habit of saying, “Uh…hey, watch this!” while behind the wheel on dates, she’s decidedly NOT going to be impressed. Moreover, if she’s rolling up windows and locking doors at stoplights, you probably shouldn’t have taken that “shortcut” through the crime-ridden section of town. You get the idea. This applies to ANY situation that makes her uneasy. It’s up to YOU to make sure they don’t happen…ever.
2) Have things handled
Women want you to have your act together, pardner. If the date is not exactly planned when you pick her up, that’s a strong message that you don’t. Whatever you do, never ask her “where she wants to go” when you pick her up for a date. A woman enjoys a man who can lead, in part because (surprise) it makes her feel secure. Inspire confidence that you can make decisions effectively. The more areas of your life (job, finances, masculinity, emotions, etc.) that you can apply this logic to, the better.
3) Don’t be a creep
I genuinely wish I didn’t have to bring this one up, but…alas…I cannot believe some of the things guys come up with to tell women--let alone the antics they pull--on first dates. Guys, keep it normal, will you?
Sure, turn on the charm and the sense of humor. Feel free to be a “stand out” in all the good ways (as talked about in “Deserve What You Want”). But if you are being downright weird in hopes of pulling this off, stop it.
The acid test here is if you find yourself talking about or doing things that most, if not all, other people would have zero interest in, if even talk about themselves, STOP IT. This goes double for things that are considered outside the mainstream concept of “normalcy”. If in doubt, don’t go there. Leave the “stupid human tricks” and medical horror stories home.
4) Do not act like a sexual predator (or any kind of predator, actually)
Guys, a woman must never, ever feel uncomfortable expressly because you are around. Do not undress her with your eyes when you meet. Monitor the body language you display carefully. An example of what not to do is rubbing your hands together while talking to her. Don’t laugh—I heard about a man doing this very thing, Peter Lorrie style, while talking to a woman on a first date. I’m reasonably sure he must have simply been nervous, but to her it seemed like she was about to be his next “victim”.
5) Be stable
OK, you may have read elsewhere how women can’t stand “predictable” men. What is meant here is that women are bored by men whose lives are replete with one boring routine after another. Yes, women love a man of adventure, and by all means be one.
They also prefer a man who is pretty much the same guy on the second date as he was on the first. It’s also a bonus if he could not go from easy-going jokester to enraged lunatic on the fly, please. Emotional stability is what we are talking about here…get it?
6) Have some integrity when it comes to emotions
Tell a woman what your emotional intentions are. She can handle it. This does not mean that you profess your undying love for her within ten minutes (…or hours…or days) of meeting her. This does mean that you, as Fergie would so eloquently say, shouldn’t “funk with her heart”. If you make her your exclusive girlfriend, do so because you want to. And reassure her you are all hers. Don’t say one thing and feel another.
So as you can see, it doesn’t take an overbuilt gorilla-beast to “protect a woman”, does it? The good news is that any man can encourage a woman to feel that safe, secure feeling. All he has to do is know what she is looking for. And this also means, of course, that there are plenty of NFL lineman types out there who fail miserably at the task. What kind of guy are you?
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Scot McKay is the founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the book 'Deserve What You Want', and hosts the popular podcast series 'X & Y On The Fly' with his fiancée Emily. Sign up for the unique and entertaining newsletter here and receive a FREE GIFT.